Atheists: Are you an inductive atheist (one who simply doesn't believe in "god" as described by the world's religions) or a deductive atheist (one who thinks that the very idea of an omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent, personal creator is absurd)? How did you come to this conclusion? Has your attitude hardened or softened through the years?
I fit both of the categories above in ways. I am a male, 39 years old, married to my wife, also an athiest, 47 years old.
My mother was raised Catholic, my father Presbyterian. They constantly fought over religious upbringing over their 3 kids (me being the oldest son, with two younger daughters).
At the age of 7, I wanted to go to a small church (I don't remember what the name was), but the one message in the few months I went there was one thing: God hates you, because you are a sinner. If you transgress in any way, he knows what you do, and he will push you to hellfire for the slightest thing. That image of "God is hate" and "God is punishment" stuck with me.
I started to become very scientific-minded and intellectual. By the time I was 8, I was pulled from this one church, and the entire family went to a Lutheran church. During this time when I was not going to any church, my parents fought many times about what religion us kids should be brought up in. During this time, I dug into anything scientific/fact based (geology, weather, mathematics) but nothing that was not based in "fact" -- literature, writing, music...nothing like that. I deduced logically that Santa Claus could not exist because for him to visit 100 million homes (in 8 hours (nighttime) would result in him spending about 1/1000th of a second in visitation time -- impossible).
Upon this backdrop, my famly attended the Lutheran church that met in the local courthouse building when I was 8. Because we (as a family) did not have membership in a previous church, we had to be "baptized" in front of everyone else. I got the seashell of water on my head. I have never felt so embarassed in my life. I felt the shame, the "get me the **** out of here NOW" feeling. Not a good way to start out. Did I tell anyone about this? No! A kid doesn't talk back to his parents that way, especially when they are hauling you into church every Sunday.
In the Sunday school there, I started to ask questions. "Why is that?" "Where is the proof?" Everything else I studied (for FUN) had a logical reason behind it -- but things I was being told from the bible, DIDN'T! The answers at first were "Just believe -- you'll see the answers." Then, I did "try" to believe, but nothing happened. Then I asked again. Then I was told, point blank, in front of the other kids there "Just shut up!!!". I have hazy memories of asking the other kids if they believed in what was being "taught" to them. They didn't, but they acted like they did, because they were being forced by their parents to go.
My belief in God was that "God hates you because you are a sinner no matter what you do" attitude, but I started to look for proof. I did pray, but just to answer one simple question: Is there a God? I went through the littany of memorizing the creedos, the songs, the whatevers. I went through the confirmation classes -- blah blah blah. All this time, I was actually closing my eyes and praying, hoping to see "SOMETHING" that would just provide proof to my satisfaction. I got none in the 5 years from the ages of 8 through 13. Then when I was in the front row, and finally took Communion for the first time, I was hoping that I would feel SOMETHING.
Nada. Nothing. Zippo.
At that point, I offically became an athiest. If I saw no proof of this invisible being, I stopped believing it. I just became another religious robot that coulnd't wait until I had a choice to go or not go. Soonly afterwards, the new church building that the Lutheran church was building was finished. The first time we went in that first Sunday, I felt ill walking in there. Something in the pit of my stomach said "This place is EVIL." I was not the only one in my family that felt that. It was everyone! We stopped attending there and went to a Presbyterian church close by after that.
Same thing: Rote memorization, saying the things you had to say, etc etc. Then at the age of late 16s, I was given the choice to not go to church. I said no. My sisters said no as well, I think. Thusly, we didn't go to church, nor talk about it, ever again.
I never thought about religion in any way, shape, or form until such time as I started to date online and was sure that anyone I wanted to be with would have to be a) a non-believer/athiest, b) have no desire for children and c) have a fairly laid-back lifestyle and d) be intelligent.
My change of attitude towards theists? I never had a good friend who was a believer in god until I met my future wife on aol in the chatrooms. Not my wife to be -- she was definitely athiest. But another woman that I met online, with whom I shared, and still do share, a good friendship to this very day, is a pure, devoted, "living the Christian lifestyle" Christian woman. She and I ended up talking about such discussions about why we believe or not -- and that reinforced my POVs, because I didn't understand her POV AT ALL. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Eventually we agreed to disagree and be friends without delving into deep religious arguments. With me, I eventually married my wife.
During those times, this Christan woman friend was in a very bad marriage. I helped guide her out of that marriage, into living singly, supporting her until she eventually found a good Christian man for her. So I've stuck by her when she needed a friend, even though we totally disagreed on religion. Good thing, because no one else stood by her in her times of need. In any case, there is a VERY strong friendship between me and her. Both us, and them, as a couple, are good friends that we see when we visit each other twice a year. I live in Virginia, and both my wife, and my friend live in Michigan -- different sides of the state.
My belief (or non-belief from the theist POV) has grown more anti-god as time has gone by. However, I really am caring towards others. The people I hate mostly are the hypocrites, when it comes to religion.
Yes, the hypocrites. The people who only come on Christmas and Easter. The ones that attend regularly, but by their actions out of the church, just go because it is a social hangout. The ones that say they believe in god and all that good stuff, yet act SO "un-Christian" when out of the eyes of the church peoples. Unfortunately, from my experiences in church, a lot of people are that way -- not true believers, not living the life and the word of the bible.
I may disagree with my Christian woman's lifestyle and deep beliefs, but one thing I do know: What she says she believes, she lives, day in, day out. I respect that -- I really, truly do. I really don't like it (feeling pitied, because you know that is what they do believe when it comes to us athiests), but they do what they say they do.
I live the way I say, and do in my belief in no invisible being. Therefore, I am honest with myself. People may not like me for that (luckily, I don't open up to everyone I work with about such things, with friends, etc) but I am honest in my belief structure.
Deep down inside, I still feel a twinge of that "God hates me" attitude. However it is not my ruling force in my belief -- my overriding belief is that I see no proof that there is an invisible being controlling my and other people's destinies. Every day, that belief just grows. That intellectual stand has been ruling my life since I was 13 -- and gets more intense every day. At times in the past, I COULD have been called a militant athiest, but I have learned to just let "sleeping dogs lie" and accept other people's beliefs.
It is hard to do, really. Just in the recent past few months, have I come to an internal understanding as to acceptance of others. It is almost a "surrender" to the fact that no matter what you say to a theist, they will NEVER see things your way and stop believing what they do. Conversely, no matter how many times a theist tries to tell me that I am damned and going to hell for not believing, nothing they say will ever change my mind, because they can't show me in the direction of this hell, or this heaven, or whatever. I'm not going to change.
That's my story. Some details left out for good reason, but overall, that is how I turned out to be an athiest, who doesn't care about the concepts of heaven, or hell, or offending a god anymore. Those small remnants of the "god that hates" keep up my athiest belief beaues such a god, if it really existed, isn't worth my time or trouble to even worry about.
Duane
