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Feeling Invisible #319725 06/05/07 02:37 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline OP
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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Okay, here's another thing.

I just went to this incredible book conference last weekend, and had a great time, and met and had my picture taken with tons of famous authors. I have a friend in publishing that gets me in every year.

And I of course want to come home and tell all of my friends about it. And I e-mailed them the links to the pictures.

But most of them won't even respond. It's like, the pictures of their kids are more exciting.

I'm sorry, I find Stephen King a lot more interesting than a picture of someone learning how to do a cartwheel.

I feel the same way with my writing. When I was really into it, and getting articles published in the local paper, I felt like I was the only one excited about it. I mean, some of my friends thought it was cool.

But I know people would be more fascinated if I had a kid. It's so depressing.

I know, you should do it for yourself, for the most part. But it's no fun not to be able to share your happiness with people in your life. Do you know what I mean?

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think so...

But I guess my question has been at different times, why do something if no one cares? If you are the only one that cares about what you do?



Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: happytobechildfree] #319729 06/05/07 02:45 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
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Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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I used to have the same feelings. But I am the only one I should worry about impressing or making proud. So your friends don't give you the recognition you want or think you deserve. Don't worry about what they feel or think. Did it make you happy? Are you proud of who you are? That's all that matters!


Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com
Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: Jeanette - Editor] #319741 06/05/07 03:14 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
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flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
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Happy,
Do you have a blog? I'm a fledgling writer, and find it to be a pretty good way to get my words out to people who care. I've been amazed and pleased when random people from elsewhere in the world respond and become regular readers. It gives me a feeling of having someone care about what I say, that I never really got from family and friends. Funny too, once family and friends see other people who don't even know you appreciate your work, they start getting more into it...they realize they've been missing out. I've been surprised at how good it makes me feel, and can't help recommending blogging to anyone who likes to write. The only thing of course is that you're giving away your writing skills for free, but for me that's okay since I'm still developing. I try and make every post something that would be worthy of publishing, which is good practice for me. And you could have ads or something probably. By the way, I'd be one interested reader in your blog if you have one!

Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: flyingaway] #319745 06/05/07 03:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
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nosy Offline
Gecko
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Maybe some friends don't respond because they can't relate - they aren't doing much now except changing diapers & other kid related drudgery. Even if they can't reciprocate w/their own similar experiences, they could at least give you a pat on the back though.

Oh well, try not to take it too personally. They're probably just in kid-world and may be back some day. In either case, you're doing what you want.

Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: nosy] #319758 06/05/07 03:55 PM
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lngilbert Offline
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frieda - I have a blog myself, and I do enjoy writing in it. I find it's a lot easier than keeping a diary. Although, I have to be careful about what I say because certain people I would love to write about read the blog, so I have to censor myself to a degree.

Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: lngilbert] #319762 06/05/07 04:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
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M o e Offline
Tiger
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Tiger
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Hey! I have a writer's group who'd love to see your pics. PM message me if you want to share.

Love Stephen King.

I'm very jealous. Sounds like you had a great time. They don't know what they missed.

Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: happytobechildfree] #319763 06/05/07 04:08 PM
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Anonymous
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No, I feel the same way at times. They expect you to spin, jump and scream (and buy them gifts) when they announce they are having another child, but you do something noteworthy and it doesn't even elicit a response.

It is frustrating. I've just basically gotten to the point of not even trying anymore. The relationships become so one-sided and unsatisfying. I put effort in and get nothing back. It is too draining on my psyche. I'd rather just be alone than be terminally frustrated. I've always remembered birthdays and anniversaries and never even get a thanks. I'm sick of it.

I'm actually currently running an "experiment" to see how long it takes people who are "friends" with kids (or expecting) to write or call, visit or something...instead of it always being me....and never getting any reciprocation. Good thing I'm not holding my breath during this experiment. sick


Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: lngilbert] #319764 06/05/07 04:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 473
Encore DT Offline
Gecko
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Gecko
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Happy,
I would also suggest keeping a journal. When nobody is around to listen, you may find it helpful to write it and "share" it where no "stranger" can look. A blog is a great idea, but some things are just too private to be discussed where everyone can read them. If you have both, you can get the best of both worlds smile

Best of luck!


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Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: ] #319766 06/05/07 04:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline OP
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Thanks guys, for understanding.

I don't have a blog, but do have a website that includes all of my published articles. And my friends know about that.

I always e-mail my articles when they come out. And some of them respond. I think what hurts most is that my parents never read my stuff when it comes out. That has always really bugged me. But yet my Mom will read self-help books on how to deal with my dysfunctional sister. Infuriating!

But my folks are crazy about everything my nephew does. I love him to death, and don't fault him for that. But I know they would find me more interesting if I had kids.

PMO: I know what you mean about remembering b-days, etc., and not getting that in return. Or just being thoughtful in general, and that not being reciprocated.

I think they think they are busier than we are, but they are just doing different stuff. But that's the excuse they use for being bad friends.

Moe: Thanks for your interest and support! It's nice to meet a fellow writer. It seems like there are a lot of writers on this forum.

But I guess I feel a little weird b/c then I wouldn't be anonymous, you know what I mean?

I love being able to say whatever I want on here, but I would feel weird if people somehow knew my identity. I would feel like I had to censor myself, like Ingilbert was saying about her blog.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: Feeling Invisible [Re: happytobechildfree] #319781 06/05/07 04:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
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flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
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Yep, that is a good point. I hold back a lot on my blog. I've thought about starting a new blog that's anonymous, and not tell anyone I know about it, so I can write my true feelings (like here), but about any subject I feel like. I really like the blog "Childfree Me" which takes that approach.

Self-censoring can be frustrating, but I am using it as an exercise to practice writing in a certain way. The pen is mightier than the sword, as they say, and while I do like to use writing as a tool for change sometimes, it's almost too easy for me to do that because I get very passionate (and possibly even preachy) on certain issues. Where I need practice is writing on a specific subject in a way that is not going to drive away people who disagree with me. I started my current blog to keep family and friends updated on what we're doing, so it was not intended to be controversial or politically provocative (though I do tend to get on rants about organic growing).

So I need a new anonymous blog so I can rant to my heart's delight.

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