Okay, here's another thing.

I just went to this incredible book conference last weekend, and had a great time, and met and had my picture taken with tons of famous authors. I have a friend in publishing that gets me in every year.

And I of course want to come home and tell all of my friends about it. And I e-mailed them the links to the pictures.

But most of them won't even respond. It's like, the pictures of their kids are more exciting.

I'm sorry, I find Stephen King a lot more interesting than a picture of someone learning how to do a cartwheel.

I feel the same way with my writing. When I was really into it, and getting articles published in the local paper, I felt like I was the only one excited about it. I mean, some of my friends thought it was cool.

But I know people would be more fascinated if I had a kid. It's so depressing.

I know, you should do it for yourself, for the most part. But it's no fun not to be able to share your happiness with people in your life. Do you know what I mean?

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think so...

But I guess my question has been at different times, why do something if no one cares? If you are the only one that cares about what you do?

I used to have the same feelings. But I am the only one I should worry about impressing or making proud. So your friends don't give you the recognition you want or think you deserve. Don't worry about what they feel or think. Did it make you happy? Are you proud of who you are? That's all that matters!

Happy,
Do you have a blog? I'm a fledgling writer, and find it to be a pretty good way to get my words out to people who care. I've been amazed and pleased when random people from elsewhere in the world respond and become regular readers. It gives me a feeling of having someone care about what I say, that I never really got from family and friends. Funny too, once family and friends see other people who don't even know you appreciate your work, they start getting more into it...they realize they've been missing out. I've been surprised at how good it makes me feel, and can't help recommending blogging to anyone who likes to write. The only thing of course is that you're giving away your writing skills for free, but for me that's okay since I'm still developing. I try and make every post something that would be worthy of publishing, which is good practice for me. And you could have ads or something probably. By the way, I'd be one interested reader in your blog if you have one!

Maybe some friends don't respond because they can't relate - they aren't doing much now except changing diapers & other kid related drudgery. Even if they can't reciprocate w/their own similar experiences, they could at least give you a pat on the back though.

Oh well, try not to take it too personally. They're probably just in kid-world and may be back some day. In either case, you're doing what you want.

frieda - I have a blog myself, and I do enjoy writing in it. I find it's a lot easier than keeping a diary. Although, I have to be careful about what I say because certain people I would love to write about read the blog, so I have to censor myself to a degree.

Hey! I have a writer's group who'd love to see your pics. PM message me if you want to share.

Love Stephen King.

I'm very jealous. Sounds like you had a great time. They don't know what they missed.

No, I feel the same way at times. They expect you to spin, jump and scream (and buy them gifts) when they announce they are having another child, but you do something noteworthy and it doesn't even elicit a response.

It is frustrating. I've just basically gotten to the point of not even trying anymore. The relationships become so one-sided and unsatisfying. I put effort in and get nothing back. It is too draining on my psyche. I'd rather just be alone than be terminally frustrated. I've always remembered birthdays and anniversaries and never even get a thanks. I'm sick of it.

I'm actually currently running an "experiment" to see how long it takes people who are "friends" with kids (or expecting) to write or call, visit or something...instead of it always being me....and never getting any reciprocation. Good thing I'm not holding my breath during this experiment.

Happy,
I would also suggest keeping a journal. When nobody is around to listen, you may find it helpful to write it and "share" it where no "stranger" can look. A blog is a great idea, but some things are just too private to be discussed where everyone can read them. If you have both, you can get the best of both worlds

Best of luck!

Thanks guys, for understanding.

I don't have a blog, but do have a website that includes all of my published articles. And my friends know about that.

I always e-mail my articles when they come out. And some of them respond. I think what hurts most is that my parents never read my stuff when it comes out. That has always really bugged me. But yet my Mom will read self-help books on how to deal with my dysfunctional sister. Infuriating!

But my folks are crazy about everything my nephew does. I love him to death, and don't fault him for that. But I know they would find me more interesting if I had kids.

PMO: I know what you mean about remembering b-days, etc., and not getting that in return. Or just being thoughtful in general, and that not being reciprocated.

I think they think they are busier than we are, but they are just doing different stuff. But that's the excuse they use for being bad friends.

Moe: Thanks for your interest and support! It's nice to meet a fellow writer. It seems like there are a lot of writers on this forum.

But I guess I feel a little weird b/c then I wouldn't be anonymous, you know what I mean?

I love being able to say whatever I want on here, but I would feel weird if people somehow knew my identity. I would feel like I had to censor myself, like Ingilbert was saying about her blog.

Yep, that is a good point. I hold back a lot on my blog. I've thought about starting a new blog that's anonymous, and not tell anyone I know about it, so I can write my true feelings (like here), but about any subject I feel like. I really like the blog "Childfree Me" which takes that approach.

Self-censoring can be frustrating, but I am using it as an exercise to practice writing in a certain way. The pen is mightier than the sword, as they say, and while I do like to use writing as a tool for change sometimes, it's almost too easy for me to do that because I get very passionate (and possibly even preachy) on certain issues. Where I need practice is writing on a specific subject in a way that is not going to drive away people who disagree with me. I started my current blog to keep family and friends updated on what we're doing, so it was not intended to be controversial or politically provocative (though I do tend to get on rants about organic growing).

So I need a new anonymous blog so I can rant to my heart's delight.

Where can you read the "Childfree Me" blog? Sounds great!

Cindy

It is great! It's at:

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I totally understand how you feel - the same thing happens to me with e-mailing, etc. I feel like I am always the one making extra effort to stay in touch with friends and keep them updated, but when it comes time for them to reciprocate, nothing except stupid forwards that I could care less about.

Case in point: Our friends that recently had their first child who said nothing would change (and everything did) send new pictures of their daughter in e-mail. Whenever I used to e-mail back and say how cute she was and give them a quick update on us and ask how they were doing, I never got any response back, so I've simply stopped trying. Another friend of ours who recently had her first child was confined to bedrest for the last part of her pregnancy, and I sent her an e-mail asking how everything was going, etc., during that time, as well as an update on the many big events that happened to us during the end of 2006 (it was very eventful - a lot of those events weren't so good - family health problems, etc. - ones you need support from your friends on, sometimes), and I figured that since she had time to actually read, go online, etc., on bedrest, she might reply back. Nope. Any time she e-mailed, I would always reply and expect a reply back in return, and I got nothing. Once again, I've given up.

I never hold my breath waiting on friends to reply back to e-mails, but I am happily surprised when someone finally drops me a line. I do have a MySpace page that I go on every now and then, and the friends that actually do keep in touch message me every now and then, and that works pretty well. I think that people with kids don't realize that we're all busy, no matter if we choose to have kids or not! I have to just let it roll off my back, and realize that as a Gemini, I am more apt to want to communicate with people....

I just was talking to my husband last night about this. People make time for who they want to make time for. Simple as that. People set their own schedules and priorities.

We have friends that are just 'expecting', wife doesn't work at all....and they have been supposed to visit us, at their own request, since the end of March (they live w/in driving distance). Well, they just never showed up in March. Made not even a single phone call or email to me when I had surgery or after...now they are supposed to be coming this weekend...it's Wednesday and haven't heard any confirmation as to whether or not they are actually coming this time. A little notice would be nice. Do they just think we are waiting with bated breath for them to swoop in whenever the mood actually strikes them? I really don't want them to come now. Tired of calling/writing....'duh, are you actually coming this time???' How will it be when the friggin baby comes?....hmmm....bet never hear from them again, ever.

Have another couple friend(s) who live a few hours away. Been over to visit them twice since moving to the area. They have made no effort to come see us, despite the invitation. They do, however, come into town to shop the ONE weekend we are actually gone. Now they are moving halfway across the country in a few weeks....but want me to pop into town (3 hrs away) to have lunch and drive back. Oh, like I have nothing to do and I'm expected to make all the effort all the time b/c I have no human kids!

We call these people a little too "into their own program". I just find it rude and inconsiderate. Some friends. I give up. Sorry to ramble. Frustrated.

PMO:

I have had *very* similar experiences. I have an SAHM friend that even admits she's bad at keeping in touch. She was like that even before the kids came along, and she was at home then, too. Okay, you are home all day long, and you can't send an e-mail?

The one-side nature of some friendships really gets to me, too. It's like they are delusional. It isn't a matter of perception, it's a matter of fact if you have visited them more than they have visited you.

My family is like that, too. One of my cousins moved to our city to go to school. She never called or visited once! But when it was time for her baby shower, I was expected to schlep to New York for her.

I didn't go, and I'm pretty sure my aunt is peeved about it. I hope she says something about it, because I will go off.