BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Introducing myself....

I have been lurking around the forums here for a while and feel that maybe now is the time to introduce myself. I have only been divorced for 7 months. When I stop to think about what all has happened since last February my head spins. I hope that in introducing myself and in telling what I went through that I do not lose you, bore you to tears or jump around so much that this whole thing will be hard to understand.

*Side-note* My ex's new wife has been on the forums here, MySpace and anywhere else she can think of to slander me and talk about how much Hell I have put them through. However, I feel that it is my turn. I feel that myside of the story should be heard. In all honesty I do not expect any of you to believe anything I say, but face it. I left him. I could no longer stand to be with him, I am no threat to either of them despite their wolf cries of "crazy stalker". Why would I have the need to lie? I would not gain or accomplish anything by doing so. With that being said, here is my story.

I met my ex-husband back in December of 1998 in an ICQ chat. Apparently you could hit a "random chat" button and it would connect you with a random person so you could chat. I was the random person he connected with. I am not sure exactly what it was about him, but I instantly fell in love with him. He was sweet, charming and could make me laugh. We chatted online and on the phone for a week or so and decided that it was time to meet in person. Now, he was from California and I was living in Oklahoma. He had been out visiting his parents for Christmas and oddly enough his family lived an hour or so from where I resided. So, I made the drive to get him... we spent that whole evening together. We had went down by the lake side to watch the sunset. He held me in his arms and gave me our first kiss... it was totally romantic... *shakes head* Anyway... in a whirl-wind kind of fashion with in nine months we had moved in together and gotten married. We were married on September 9, 1999.

Shortly after we were married things started like a roller coaster. Things would be good for a while, then get bad and it would go back and forth like this quite often. I know that life is an up and down battle and you have to take the bad with the good. I believe we had only been married a few months he had decided he wanted to get drunk one night and pick a fight. During the fight I had grabbed my purse to leave, he grabbed my arm turning me towards him and next thing I knew I was seeing stars! He had actually decked me and gave me a black eye! I should have left him that night and never came back. But, I did...

To try not to make this a million page book things went on like that through out the entire marriage. He would drink a lot, fight a lot. He loved to fight and bicker and yell. He was mean to me, the dogs, his family and even our friends!

When things were on the downward slide it was 2003. We had went to New Orleans with another couple, they were good friends of ours that I really liked a lot. The time of the trip was his first week on meds to help with his anger and ADHD. We had stayed a couple nights and were on our last morning there before hitting the highway to go home. We had stopped to eat at a bar that my ex insisted we go to, and during the meal we were all talking and I guess that he said something funny and the other couple laughed. He took it as they were making fun of him. He jumped up and started literally throwing a fit. Threatened to kill the man we were with, threw food and stomped around without regard to how he looked or who was staring at all of us. The sad part was we had an 8 hour drive home that day in the same car. He was good at throwing fits in front of friends and making them run away cause they were scared of him. In 2004 he got drunk while at my sister's house and threatened to kick the [censored] of my 13 year old nephew for accidentally hitting him with a basketball while they were playing basketball. He caused fall outs with both our families, once to the point his step-father physically sat him down and punched him in the face for being so mean to his mother!

The last year we were together I started learning things about him that just flat out repulsed me, things that I cannot imagine someone doing. One weekend we were at his family's house and he had gotten so drunk he was falling down and throwing up on everything. I came in to his brother's house to see them hugging and he was crying and saying he was so sorry. He then walked out in to the back yard and passed out in the leech bed. Anyway, after he had left the room my ex-sister-in-law told me that what he was apologizing for was when he molested his younger brother when they were kids! I was sick to my stomach! I did not know how to react. That same weekend I found out about how he used to beat up on his brothers and one time broke his youngest brothers arm, just went in to his room while he was sleeping and broke his arm. This is not normal! Then how when we met he had just broke up with this 16 year old girl from around town. He was 29!! His mom also got drunk that weekend and just laughed and laughed about how she told me not to marry her son, how he was not right and nothing but mean.

Then in January 2006 he got drunk yet again and decided to dance in his underwear around the living room. We had hardwood floors and he lost his footing face planting the living room floor. The end of that fiasco of punching, yelling and being accused of trying to have him committed, I was able to get him to a hospital for stitches. It was not even a week later he was arrested for a DUI which resulted in his poor family having to drive all the way to Little Rock on New Year's Eve to get the car out of impound. (Longer story!) I went to court with him where he [censored] off the judge by not even apologizing for driving drunk, it almost cost him a year jail time. The day I left... wow, that was horrible. We had this thing where every Saturday morning we would go to the River Market downtown for breakfast and to look through the booths at all the things people had brought in to sell. That morning he was acting strangely and it was not till we were downtown that I realized he was drunk! It was 9am in the friggin' morning!! He got out of the car with beer bottles stuffed in his pockets and I took the beer threw it in the car and told him to get his [censored] in we were going home. Once back in the car he blared the music and started screaming at me about what a [censored] I was and a whore for not allowing him to eat at the market that morning. He found the beers and started downing them. We were almost to the bridge to go across to North Little Rock when he grabbed the steering wheel. There were tons of people downtown that morning.... the car went up on the curb and I almost hit a man and his little kid.

We got home, he passed out. Got up once to pee down the bedroom wall as he was insistent that it was a toilet. (He had a way of peeing in the floor of most carpeted areas when he was drunk... he thought it was funny as hell.) That afternoon my sister called, he was trying to listen in and being an [censored]. I just could not do it, I screamed in the phone "Get me the Hell out of this house!!!!" It was on, he held me down in the kitchen and screamed at me, hit me and told me if I wanted to cry he would give me something to cry about. Had ripped the phone out of the wall then started throwing [censored] around the house. Told me he would kill me and who ever I was with if I left. Thankfully my sister had called the cops for me, they showed up about 10 minutes later to remove me from the house. That was February 11th, 2006.

Ok I have left out lots of details, like trips to the hospital with broken bones. Cuts, bruises and bite marks from various fights. Ones even the nurses at the ER were urging me to press charges on. But, when you are in that situation and are being verbally, physically and sexually abused you are scared.

About a month to a month and a half after I left he had a new girlfriend. He insisted to me that she was nothing, he loved me and wanted me home. I did not care what he did, but then I found out she was already pregnant. Which if you put 2 and 2 together you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were together way before I ever left. She posted blogs about how wonderful he was, how he was so great... and the father of her child. Nice way to find out huh? Guess it was good for him, he wanted kids with me. We went through 5 years of fertility treatments and nothing. Got pregnant a few times, but never made it to the 3rd month.

*In going back and reading this, I left out how the divorce was final and less than 2 hours later my ex and this girl were married. What's worse, I did not know till almost 2 weeks after the fact that I was even divorced. So, I found out I was divorced and he was remarried in the span of literally 5 seconds!!*

Here I am, I left that day with nothing but the clothes on my back. I had NOTHING. I was in Ohio to help my sister who had been diagnosed with Cancer. I was having to start my entire life over at 30! Do you know how hard that is?!? Then, he refused to let any of my family in the house to get my things. All of it was mine to begin with! He came in to the relationship with a duffel-bag full of clothes. Everything I ever owned down to the teddy bear my mom bought for me when I was an infant in the hospital, he was holding hostage to make me come home. Every stick of furniture in that house either my parents gave us or I bought with the returns from my student loans. He said he would not let anyone have my things without a court order. (Then I got to thinking, ya know he let the dogs chew up the couch and half that [censored] was trashed from his fits... why bother?)

Shortly there after I was served with court papers. He knew I could not afford a lawyer so pretty much he could say and do anything he wanted with the divorce and I would just have to deal. I was then also being harassed by his new woman. She would email me saying how pathetic I am. How she thinks I am crazy and stalking them, how he was abused so much by me. They even put up an anti-abortion website with my photo top and center about how I am a murderer. They posted several photo blogs where she took photos of him putting my clothes in to the grill and setting them on fire. Not only that but personal possessions as well. Then came the photo blogs of my sewing machine, bar stools, dining table chairs, the bar anything he could pull out in to the back yard being destroyed and set on fire. She took the photos for all of that! Now, if she leaves him and he does that to her will she think it is all fun and games?!?

Any time I have contacted them.. well it was never me contacting both of them, it was me contacting my ex-husband about the divorce and wanting to get my things. (I mean it did state in the divorce decree that I am to take possession of all of my personal effects.... which I had no idea what had not been destroyed.)But, any time I would email him being civil I would get this smart-assed reply from her. Saying to stay away from her husband and how my fiance and I must be having problems as I feel the need to try to steal him away from her. Then, this is the laugher, she says I am stalking them! The only way I know anything about them is because she posts it online! I emailed him about a month ago cause we had thought about making the drive to get my things and I wanted to give him a heads up so he knew and did not happen to be at his mother's. She emailed me back saying that she is going to press charges against me and how she lives in fear that I will find them. How funny is that? What the hell is she smokin' and not sharing? Then in that same email she said she wanted to kick my [censored], and that if I ever came near her or her children she would kill me... um, I was told by my ex-mother-in-law that the baby died, she was in the hospital and had lost the baby. They have no children..

Ok, this is a book and I am rambling... guess I needed to get it off my chest!!

Anyway, that is how my divorce happened.
Lynette

Hello Lynette,

Welcome to this forum!

I'm sorry you have lived through such harrowing experiences. You are very strong. It sounds to me like perhaps your ex was mentally ill, and certainly it was very difficult.

I too lived through similar experiences when my husband became suddenly and severely mentally ill. We divorced about six years ago. So I know first hand that when you live through such intense and scary experiences, it can take some time to put it behind you. Daily life seems almost dull compared to being afraid for your life! It is natural for past memories to loom large, and there to be complications with breaking free.

But remember that you ARE free now. Though you are still healing, your own life is today and before you, not in the past. Talk about the past whenever you feel the need, but build your new life! Think about now, think about your future and what you would like to have in it. I will be glad to help, if i can. Caring strangers were kind to me when it was fresh and i felt lost and hurting. If i can in turn help someone else, i would only be too glad!

Don't worry about being slandered. I was slandered too, but people don't believe slander as much as it seems at the time. Your own character will shine through anyway, and people will know you for who you are.

As for getting your things, i would suggest you get help to get them, and not to call or go there without witnesses. If you are still in contact with your attorney, i would definitely ask them how is best to procede. If there is a court order that you are legally to take your possessions back, and your ex and his wife are obstructiing that, then if i'm not mistaken, the police can accompany you to get your things, and that, in my mind, would be safest to you. As i suggested, ask your attorney. Make one last try, and then either way, let it go so you can get it behind you. Things are not as important as your own well being, and it is very important that you get on with your life. I had to rebuild mine... i lost just about everything, including all contact with friends because of stalking. In hindsight, it was rough to lose so much... but possessions and false friends are not worth it, and you'd be surprised how quickly it won't matter. You can build a wonderful life for yourself even if you start with nothing but yourself.

Feel free to pm me, Lynette. I will be thinking of you, and wishing you well.

I hate this man and could care less what he does. He and "Mandicake" were married less than 2 hours after our divorce was final. His new wife is saying she lives in fear that I will find them and that they are hiring a lawyer to press "stalking charges" on me. Until late last night I had no idea that they owned any kind of business, let alone where they lived. The funny thing is she is saying I know where they are and have been trying to contact them. I can imagine when she goes to file these charges they will laugh her right out of the police station seeing as I have not contacted HER, not once. I think since she and my ex were married I have emailed him maybe 3 times and I have spoke with his mother I think 3 times. (But, my things are in a garage on her property, so instead of dealing with him I spoke with her. The divorce decree states that I am to get my things back.) However when "Mandicake" found out she yelled at her for talking to me and told her to never speak to me again.

***Side note, if you are really living in fear of someone, wouldn't you change your username on different accounts instead of using the same one for everything? Not only that in your messageboard posts that are viewable by the public, you would not give personal information about yourself that would give away a location or let on to anything really happening. Would you?!?***

So, that being said I do not want him back. She can more than have him! I am getting remarried this October. She has been posting on the domestic violence and marriage boards about verbal abuse and what not, I know that he has not changed. He did not change the near 8 years we were together, why would he change for her after 7 months of marriage?? lol

Anyway for those of you who messaged me about Easter, we do not have any plans. I am not in the crying and upset phase with any of this any longer. Have not been in months. The whole purpose of my initial post was because "Mandicake" is floating around on these boards talking such [censored] about me like I am a horrible psycho and I am tired of her doing so. She has never met me and knows nothing about me except what her crazy-assed husband has told her. Which he will lie to anyone to make himself look better, he always has. It is hard to tell what all he has said to her. lol

But, if that got you curious just look for her on here... lol

Lynette

** Sorry, guess I needed to vent a little farther and get it off my chest. Any rudeness there was not directed specifically towards you. :o) **