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I love that you had a dinner party! We did fondue parties...I did not have much experience with alcohol in high school. The one time I did was for a new years eve party. I told my friends I would be the designated driver. They proceeded to get drunk. When we were ready to go to another friends house, everyone piled into my car. I was completely sober...and proceeded to back into one of their cars, breaking the headlight and costing myself $150 bucks. But everyone got home safe

Thanks, Chaco. The confidence only manifested itself in certain ways, though. For instance, it didn't even occur to me to go to college anywhere other than the city where my boyfriend lived (he was older than I; I moved right in with him after leaving my mom's a few days after I graduated high school). Just dumb. He was a nice guy, but I cheated myself out of some fun time in my 20s and early 30s due to being tied down to him (and later, to the guy that became my now-ex-husband...I knew about his drinking from the get-go and *still* married him! <sheesh> I was afraid to be alone, and looking for the feeling of family that had been lacking in my life (even though my family had been around me, there were so many problems that it sure hadn't felt like it).

But I had a fun second second chance at all that after I left my ex (at 35). By the time I finally left the marriage, I knew for certain it was done; I'd done most of my grieving while I was still married (marriage to an alcoholic is *lonely*). I did the internet dating thing and spent a year having a *blast*. I corresponded with about 100 guys (I like to write, as you've no doubt noticed ;)) , had 30 first dates, and had three relationships during that time (two of them were just a month or or so; the third turned out to be my now-husband!). The fact that I just kept getting fussier and fussier during this time and there seemed to be just no shortage of wonderful men was just really surprising to me (the last time I'd been "single", I was in high school, and taller than almost all the boys! I was pals with lots of guys, but wasn't exactly doing a lot of dating --- their choice, not mine).

Unlike many folks out there, even having done the rounds with internet dating so much, I have nothing bad to report --- there were certainly guys I wasn't compatible with, but not a single one was a "dud" (that I met, anyway --- I was very selective in narrowing it down via email first...if a guy couldn't string a sentence, I wasn't interested in meeting him!). I would have recommended every last one of them to a girlfriend as a "nice guy".

So while I've come out of it all pretty confident, it was not always so...

Hey Frieda- I'm also in Norcal and agree with you 100%. I loooove it here. I'm girly and outdoorsy and scientific and shoe-crazy all at once- and I've never fit in so well anywhere else.

Thank you for telling your story, Elise. What finally set me free was a miserable college experience----in a sorority of all things.

I moved around a lot as a kid, and my final move with my parents was right before my senior year. I was angry, as most kids would be. I did not fit in and did not really care. I had a year left...then I planned to go back to NY (where I had moved from). I probably would have enjoyed Elise's artist group. I wore black and sat under a tree at lunch time, reading and writing.

My parents were not happy with this latest incarnation of myself. When it came time to apply to college, it turned out NY was not an option-had to go where I had residency and tuition was cheap. My mother was very concerned with what she considered my inability to make friends (I considered it a lack of desire to make friends)and decided that the best thing for me to do was to join a sorority. She was full of horror stories about getting "lost" at a big school.

I said, "heck no!" With all due respect to anyone who enjoyed sorority life, I was pretty sure that was not for me. My parents had way more control over me than they should have. My mom mailed in 16 photos of me to 16 different sorority houses and signed me up for rush.

Because I had not learned how to say no to my parents, I did the rushing thing. It was terrible. I hated it. When I got an invitation my mother was thrilled (I think she regretted her lack of sorority experience). I told her that there was no way I would pay good money towards this. Apparently she would--she sent me a check that afternoon.

This experience is what taught me to say "no" to my parents. I won't go into detail, but lets just say I did not fit in AT ALL. This was 1993-94 and the "sisters" were far from liberal. They took my Doc Martens and friendship with a lesbian to mean I was gay--which would have been fine if they had presented their opinion to my face. But they didn't--just talked sh*t behind my back. Much happened in between--with me trying to change things, being told to tell a pledge with a nose ring that she could not wear her letters with the nose ring in...and finally I could take it no more. I called a friend of mine, he came over and we moved all of my stuff out of the sorority house at 2am. I had been liberated!

As dreadful as that experience was, surviving intact gave me confidence...and took away my previous desire to fit in with the "in" crowd. I also learned that my parents were NOT always sure what was best for me This was a huge turning point in my life and I learned to say "no".

Sorry for the long story!!

Something went wrong with my last post. So this may show up twice. What I posted (that didn't show up or go through or something) was akin to this:

This is great! Not only has this forum shown me that I'm not the only straight woman in the world not wishing to be a mommy, but this thread has shown me that my choices in my teen years were not unique. Yes, I'd say there is definately a trend showing up here!

I'm amazed and delighted with the similarities here.

I don't have much to add, as much of it's been said. Husband's been gone since Wednesday, but I didn't tell some friends until yesterday because I was looking forward to the time alone. They mean well, but I just don't need to have someone around 24/7.

My strong need for independence has possibly caused some setbacks in my life. I just hate having anyone else lording over me and will do just about anything to avoid or sabotage it. It is one of the main reasons I'm self-employed and will do whatever it takes to stay that way.

I'm with you karenb. I've never had many female friends, and prefer to hang out with guys. "Girl stuff" - dresses, high heels, makeup, purses, giggling over boys, etc. just do not interest me. In high school I would hang out at the arcade with the guys, playing pinball & video games.
I have one female friend from college (who I don't see much because she lives too far away).
For entertainment I hang with my husband, or do things on my own (reading, video games etc).
For the most part, female conversation seems to be boring to me. This group seems to be the exception. :-)

It's amazing to see all the similar posts! I use to tell people I was raised by wolves. I spent most of my time with my dad and brother on the football field. I've always felt more comfortable with guys. they don't expect anything. When I started working, I ended up be-friending the women whose kids were teenagers or empty-nesters. People my own age were always a bit too focused on things I didn't care about. Being in TX now I feel I'm starting all over again, but the few ladies I work with seem to get it.

Great to hear about the other Todd fan, he was a staple at my wedding and reception!! I think I've seen him in concert about 8 times. Always a good time!!!

I grew up a metal fan, so even the concerts I go to are primarily all guys. Which is nice. No beauty contests!

I take trips back to chicago on my own to visit with family and some friends. My husband and I aren't attached a the hip. We seem to be two very independent people who found someone else to share our lives with.

I, too, feel very similar to you all. I've never been "girly" except for some reason I prefer dresses and hippie skirts to jeans and shorts. Seriously. We're having a heat wave in Chicago and I've been gardening in my floral hippie skirt. I also make costumes and they are all elaborate dresses. BUT - I generally don't like girls who are girly and wear make-up. Kind of a contradiction, but I do it for comfort and because it makes me feel good.

I also have had mostly guy friends, I grew up with 4 guys (my mom's friends kids.) Although, the older I got, the more I think they were my friends because they had crushes on me. Kind of stinks - my 3 guy friends from college came to my wedding and then didn't call me for 6 months. Now that they have girlfriends, though, they are getting back in touch with me. Kind of supports that theory, huh.

Now my friends are girls who hate girly girls!

I am really seeing a big trend on this board - most of us have similar backgrounds and knew we didn't want kids when we were kids.

It would make for a really interesting study if I was still in grad school. Would have had to make it relate to communication, though.