BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Divorce is worse than Death!

I am going through a divorce right now... I have supported my husband financially for the last two years and he has contributed nothing. He was bipolor which is fine but he would never treat it. The relationship was so up and down. I could never follow his moods. I look back and every Holiday every Birthday I cried from him being so mean. When he was on I felt like the luckiest woman in the world but soon after nothing was ever good enough. I feel I have grown spiritually from this relationship because of the simple fact I will not take him back under any circumstances. Although I feel like death has swarmed over me I still STAND. I felt so stupid because everybody else would say he is lieing to you and I would be no he is not. But I caught him directly in a lie last week and I just looked at him knowing what he was saying was untrue but I let him lie. I am so happy this divorce should be over in ninety days but this in between stuff STINKS. I sometimes rationalize that maybe things werent so bad but I come back to my senses. All I want is the pain and hurt to go away. It comes in waves... I sit there and think your ok and then I start crying for no reason. I look at the WHOLE picture and I see that no matter how hard I tried you cant change someone. I only wasted two years being married so thats a good thing but I was with him for five years. I wish there was some magical drug I could take to stop loving him. I really need to give myself credit for not allowing him back into my life. In a nut shell I want to feel validated for everything I ever was to him. I am sure I will grow out of this feeling. At least death is final with Divorce you will still know they are with someone else or whatever. I just do not want to feel sad anymore...

It will pass. Like you said, at least it's only five years, instead of a life time. There's still an opportunity to meet someone new when you're ready. Someone who will appreciate you. One day at a time...

It is good you left him . . one can NEVER change someone! THEY have to want to change themselves or seek help. Maybe, you have learned a great lesson. You should've known 3 years before if you were with him. However, not to seem not harsh on you ...The truth is truth and one will never change but pain will go away.. . in time. Be thankful you are moving on. By the way ...death is just as hard ...I lost 2 husbands. lillys-- one day you will look back on all this and say, "How could I ever loved him and been so blind"!. Our hearts do heal. When you start to think about your situtation -get busy girl - go to a show - out for a walk- put on the music. . buy a new dress. Don't sit and brood or feel sorry for yourself. Feel sorry for the next person he is involved with! Don't let him win by the pain! The good from this that YOU WILL KNOW the signs or behaviors to stay away from. You can lillys Rise above the pain.

I was married for 8 years. My husband was emotionally involved with someone else the entire time. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my two girls. He walked out on me. My divorce will be final for a year this April. I'm telling you it was the best thing he could have ever done.

I was sad for a while, but I'm definitely much happier than when I was married. I even have a boyfriend now. The sadness goes away especially when you realize it's the best thing that could have happened.

You are begining the rest of your life.
I spent 17 years in a marriage where I lost myself completely.

Yet, I have two incredible beautiful earth angels and no matter what hell I lived through I refuse to have any regrets. My only wish is I would have had the courage to leave sooner.

The final straw for me leaving was I was ready to jump off the nearest bridge.

I refuse to let him win by my ending my life. He knew I was that depressed and it did not matter to him. I had disrupted his life in the last year we were together by my taking care of me and he told me so and at that moment I knew it was over.

You will survive this and it is ok to grieve at this time what you are going through. You have a lot of things you have lost, the loss of your marriage, the loss of your dreams, the loss of spending the rest of your life with someone you thought would always be there etc.

Let yourself cry and feel the loss and emotions that go with the death of a marriage.

It does get better. I am now with the man who is a part of me. I never understood what love was until I met Bill. That was five years after my divorce. I needed those five years for me. I am just learning who I am at forty. I am creating me and it feels good.

I hope this helps and I will stop rambling now.

HANG IN THERE.. I was married to a bipolor man for 5 years and it took all my strength to leave him we have 2 children together and now that I look back it was the best thing that could of happened to me (leaving him and getting divorced.) it hurts but unless they are willing to help themselves there is nothing you can do and trust me you can be happy again all you need is a little time you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. You will be happy again the hurt takes time to go away but one day you will look back on this and relize just how unhappy you were. I Wish you the best of luck.

lillys ,

You will have to heal yourself by grieving and feeling sad for sometime. The emotions have to be drained for sometime. May God give you the strength to do that.

Resettle yourself everthing will be fine.Don not look back.Think positive and be happy.

Can I know you really think you need to live separate? Is there a chance that you both can patch up once again...

I've seen people meeting all again after years and realising their mistakes..

I suppose from your post that your divorse is new.

Still I do not know the status. If he has found someone else or you having found someone else..

I've seen people meeting all again after years and realising their mistakes..

I tried that. The first time he was emotionally abusive. The second time around he decided to be physically abusive as well. I would have to say that if it doesn't work the first time, odds are good it won't work the second time either.

Dez