BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Just a newbie saying hello :)

I have been reading this site for awhile but just joined today.
I have been married 20 years now and do not regret not having children. When I was younger I was told all the usual reasons I should have kids with the final comment being "you'll regret it when you are older" I have now reached the age where I can't have kids and I don't regret it one bit! I much prefer my 4 legged ones.
For any of you on the fence, don't let anyone talk you into something you don't really want.

Hi Hope! I'm a newbie too and just found this site about a week ago. I'm SO glad I found it. I'm 37, and trying to discern if the part of me that wants to have a kid is really me, or just pressure from society. So hard to tell where the voices are coming from! From reading this site I'm finally feeling like there are people out there who understand. All the women I know seem to just have always known they wanted kids. I'm not like that. I've never been sure, and have been putting it off. I thought getting older the decision would happen, but it hasn't.

My story is my husband had cancer when we first got married 12 years ago, and the treatments made him infertile. Before the treatments, he stored some sperm so in case we wanted to have kids later it would be an option. Now we're at the point we're we have to use them now or never. Part of us wants to go for it, but another (big) part of us is happy the way our lives are. If we do want a kid, it will be a lot of work and money just to try and get pregnant, so we have to really want it. Even then there's a pretty good chance it just wouldn't happen. Of course, we could always adopt if we wanted it that bad, but I guess we don't want it that bad.

So, reading the discussions on this site are helping me make peace with the side of it not happening.

Another food for thought....All those people who pressure you to have kids don't have raise them. They just get the joy to oogle over them and welcome you into their parenthood club. They want you to still be a part of the club which now I guess requires a baby if you want a gold membership.

Hi Frieda

You sound so much like me,like in the way I am feeling when you say yo are trying to work out your feelings by saying is it society or you.

I just think deep down if I have a child it would be a HUGE mistake,although I would love it to death and give him/her everything I could I just know deep down I am not cut out to be a mother.

I guess I have never been maternal and I noticed this very earley on,fom 11 years of age I guess. I never wanted any dolls exept barbie dolls.I remember a friend of mine had one of those baby talk things and the doll actually craps itself and I just thought even back then how gross!!! Barbie was cool she had her own sports car, a brilliant career and great clothes! Lol...

Not wanting a hild of your own to me seems like one of societys taboo sibjects but really what is the big deal? To me its just a decision like any other,yes sure its a big decision one way or the other but by the way some people react when I tell them I dont think I will be having children its like my decision impacts on them somehow, bizzare to say the least which makes me wonder why some people seem almost offended.

I have even been accused of hating children which is very hurtful because nothing could be further fro the truth. I do not hate anything or anyone. I get told all the time I would make such a great mother and at the time I look at them and say in my head "wow you know me better than I do" (sarcasm on!)

I am so gald to know that I am not alone and yes it is "normal" to feel this way even though I may be in a minority so to speak but it is beccoming more common these days for people to decide not to have children and with the current climate I cant blame them.

Hope

Frieda & Hope,
You welcomed me yesterday, and now I've been catching up on my reading of these postings, and I can't believe that what I am reading is not from me! What both of you are saying, could be my life!
I too prefered Barbies to dolls, never carried around a "baby" doll, played Kelly from Charlies' Angels (wanted to be a detective, no time for motherhood!), never baby-sat, and I have never felt the maternal instinct! My entire life I would see people running up to babies: "Ooh! Look how cute! May I hold him/her? Cootchie-coo". I was the one staying in the background, thinking of what movie to watch or just tuning out. I held my first baby at the age of 36 (so, not long ago!) and I have never once changed a diaper.
But as I said in my introductory letter, I do like children, for some reason they all love me and are drawn to me, however, I can do one or two hours, then it's like: "Okay kiddies, run along and go get Auntie a nice glass of wine". hahaha!

Piscean Goddess

Wow now you sound like me I LOVE CHARLIES ANGELS!!! Dont remember the tv series but I loved the movies when they came out. I would Love to get my hands on some of the eposodes of the origional TV series.

Wow you didint hold a baby till ag 36? How did you get away with that? To tell you the truth I feel a bit uncomftable when I hold a baby,I dont know why...

My sister is due to give birth to her 6th child in 2 weeks and she said if I want I could be there at the birth, I am considering it as I think it would be amazing to see a new life come into the world and I am not grossed out by blood or anything so I hope she goes into labour at a time I can be there as it would be special.