BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids How Is It Selfish?

I totally agree Elise. I wish I didn't know as much as I do about celebs. It has totally ruined my movie experience. I think it heightens the whole celeb fantasy when you don't know anything. I use to be big fans of Jolie and Pitt before I knew way too much. It's so hard to get away from it though. Whenever something happens it's on the news, in the papers, on the talk shows, or the next person in line is going on about it. I personally don't go looking for it, it's just there.

did you know that Brad Pitt had considered a sex change...?

ARRRrrrrghhh - Recently a couple in my area underwent fertility treatments and had 6 or so babies. A local subdivision developer gave them a FREE HOUSE, and other local businesses, organizations, and people donated all sorts of gifts and cash. I was so [censored].

I like the flat tax concept.

That's like the family in Iowa that is featured on Dateline every year. The McCaughey family. Seven kids at once and one older daughter.

I read an article in a magazine about them. They were all like, "we didn't PLAN on having 7 at once! People get fertility treatments all the time, this is quite rare." They went on to list all the difficulties of having 8 kids, 7 the same age. Diapers, formula, shoes, clothes, babysitting, etc. At least two of the kids have disabilities. Two of them have CP, two had feeding tubes in their stomachs, another has had several surgeries, another has bad learning disabilities ... The dad is the only one with a job.

I feel for the parents, but at the same time I just want to scream. They already HAD a daughter! I don't understand why people who already have a kid (or kids) go on fertility treatments!

They got tons of things for free, and I think they still do. I feel more for the kids than the parents, actually. It's not their fault. But it seems to me that this giving parents of multiples (as a result of fertility treatments) all kinds of aid - it makes people think - oh, if that happens to me, the government will step in. Or the church, or the community center, or whatever.

It shouldn't be my responsibility either as a taxpayer or a community member to pay for or donate to someone's family. There are a LOT more people out there who need help, and need help more than people who have some kind of accidental over-fertilization.

But again, what do you do in that situation?

(On a similar note, I think that the whole Cheaper by the Dozen thing is pretty cool. I've read the book about 6 times. Of course, things were cheaper in the 1900's and they were rich. So - I guess if you can afford it, have as many kids as you want!)

(On a similar note, I think that the whole Cheaper by the Dozen thing is pretty cool. I've read the book about 6 times. Of course, things were cheaper in the 1900's and they were rich. So - I guess if you can afford it, have as many kids as you want!) [/quote]

Yes--I agree--if you can AFFORD it, do whatever you want. My reasons for not reproducing are not financial; my boyfriend and I have a comfortable combined income, more than enough for necessities, etc. However, I commend those who DO cite financial strain as one of several reasons for remaining CF. Certainly lower-income folks shouldn't be denied the joy childrearing appears to bring to so many, BUT , what is with Welfare (I live in New York State) and taxes and what-have-you all stepping up to pay for people who keep popping out babies? Birth control is--get this--FREE at local Planned Parenthood clinics. Pregnancies CAN be prevented, and while accidents happen, lighting tends not to strike twice unless someone is standing on the roof with a metal pole. Anyway, the point is that someone shouldn't depend on public assistance to care for their child, they should budget and plan and SACRIFICE other things, the way the rest of us do! No one would purchase a $5,000 toy chihuahua and expect to receive a tax break or welfare check. So why do these people have three $200,000 babies and expect the same??

I'll come right out and admit it...I read US Weekly, every week! It's a tawdry, tawdry habit, I know...but I view it as potato chips for my brain. My job is pretty demanding, brain-wise, and I'm trying to learn Arabic in my free time. For an hour a week I just need some fluff! I like looking at all the crazy fashions that people wear and getting the scoop on Britney's meltdown...in some sense it makes me feel kind of good. Because although I have bad hair/dress days, and may occasionally feel like I'm going off the deep end, at least my troubles aren't broadcast around the world! Kind of makes me grateful to be anonymous.

Having read the magazine for 4+ years now, I can definitely say that the celeb baby watch is definitely worse now than it was before. I wonder...could it be that the worse the REAL news gets (war in Iraq, environmental problems, Social Security running out of money) the more people retreat into celeb worship and silly stuff?

I'm not great with history, but didn't the Romans get into the feeding-Christians-to-the-lions and orgies and other debauchery in the latter years, during the decline of the empire? Maybe people start to focus on all this "entertainment" stuff when things start to go bad, to distract them from reality?

Maybe I'm reading too much into this...this is the kind of stuff you come up with when your background is in English and anthropology!

I think you're right. The real drama in the world is getting overwhelming, so I think people need to find drama elsewhere - I read today during my lunch break all about how Paris broke the heel off her shoe! It was a full-page story!

I had an additional thought on this when I was trying to fall asleep last night...

I think that, in general, our society is still biased towards women having kids and "taking care" of children, husbands, parents, etc...sure, you can have a job or hobbies, but of course they take a backseat to taking care of everyone else.

I think most people have this idea in their heads that having kids is "what you do", and that once you "grow up" you have to "settle down" and make sacrifices for the little cherubs. Your happiness comes second, if at all. It's an all or nothing mentality. If you're not having kids and sacrificing your own life for them, why, you must be selfish! Whoever heard of a woman putting her own needs ahead of someone else's?! Really, where would one get the idea that there is more to life than serving others 24/7? I dont' know...maybe from men?

Society is still geared towards "settling down" when you grow up. However, the number of childfree people is growing. I find fewer people questioning my choice than in the past. I am still expecting some critical commentary from my oldest brother at some point.

In my early 20s I was fortunate to meet a couple who were adamantly childfree. The husband and I were biking buddies for several years. He is 20 years older than me. He told me that he and his wife were committed to a loving, caring relationship with each other and felt that commitment didn't need to involve kids in any, way, shape or form. This was back in the early 1990s.

I also understand your need for mindless entertainment. I don't have a TV but I read Sports Illustrated (internet and print editions), Velonews (a bike racing magazine), SKI magazine and the peanuts comic strip regularly.

Mike

My grandmother died of multiple myeloma in September 2005. For about the last three or four years of her life, I did a big part of taking care of her, even though I was in school full time (communiting an hour each way) and working several jobs.

I took her to dr's appointments, I crushed her pills, I even ended up having to help her with the bathroom towards the end (she refused to move or hire someone.) Because I lived closest, I also got hysterical calls about her VCR not working, or she fell and I would have to literally break the door down to pick her up off the floor, etc. If there was something I couldn't do, my mom would have to take off work and I'd get a guilt trip.

After she died, it turned out that she left everything to be split amongst her three daughters. Nothing was left to the grandchildren. We were told, however, that if there was something we wanted from the pile of junk they didn't want, we should put our name on it. I had my eye on a bunch of cut glass that my great-grandma brought from Prague. I was told to put my name on it and they'd ask if the other grandkids wanted to split any of it before giving it to me. Then one day I went to the house to pick up some stuff and it was all gone! Turns out my aunt decided she wanted it after all. She claims my name wasn't on any of the cut glass, but I found the pieces of paper all over the floor.

I said, "hey, I wanted that." I was told that none of it was mine anyway since Grandma left it to her daughters, not me. It was really hurtful. They also decided that they would split up her farm in Michigan which has been a family summerhome for 60+ years and all build separate houses on it for their own summer properties. I said I didn't want to do that because I wanted it to stay the way it was. Grandma and I had been making plans for all the new fruit trees we were going to plant there. They told me it was none of my business, even though they all go up maybe one week a year, and I go up every weekend of the summer to do work. I do the vast majority of the work there, and they tell me it's none of my business. By the way, they haven't gone through with their plans yet. If they go through with their plans, they will have a fight on their hands. They said the big reason they wanted to split up the property is that all the grandkids are going to have kids and then everyone will argue about when they get to go up. Considering there's never been an argument (and like I said, I'm the only one going up) I don't understand this reasoning.

Sorry, this is a hurtful topic for me to talk about.

The point is, it was suggested to me by members of the family and by my THERAPIST that maybe I just took care of Grandma so that I could get her stuff. That I did it just so that I would be "owed."

I was told several times that I was being selfish.

Isn't that just the most hurtful thing? I was her granddaughter, and I worked all her appointments into my schedule, scheduling work and school around her for three years. I put off getting a full-time job so that I could take her to the doctor. (She went several times a week.) A few days before she died I went to see her in the hospital and she was literally screaming at me to get out because my mom told me to try to get her to eat something. She was out of her mind on pain killers and was screaming that I was trying to poison her.

So I sacrificed a big part of my life to care for my grandmother, and I was called selfish. I certainly didn't take care of her to gain anything, I would give anything for her to be alive. And you know what? After all the stuff I did for her, I DO deserve something! But not money, not her stuff. I just want the farm to stay how it is and not get split up. She was like a second mother to me. Or to say that I have no say in what happens with the farm that I do almost ALL the work at!

Sorry guys, I am having a really bad day today. I just had to vent about this. I know it's off-topic now.