BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage I am depressed

I had a miscarriage a couple months ago, and I just can't seem to get over it. All my friends think I should be able too but I can't. The guy I was seeing doesn't even know. He was seeing me and another girl and we both worked together and had no idea. I never want him to know. You know? I just wish I could get over it you know. I think about it everyday. I wonder, am I a mom even though I don't have a baby. You get what I mean. I am not even sure.

I would be willing to bet that all of your friends that want you to "get over it" have never had to go through this situation.

You are mourning the loss of your baby, even more so you are doing it in secret - without the support of your significant other, becuase he never knew in the first place. That is a tremendously hard thing to do!

It is going to take you time to get over this. Just physically, your body is going through changes adjusting from being pregnant to not-pregnant; your hormones are shifting around wildly (AGAIN!) That is enough by itself to cause depression. And I would be willing to bet that you were feeling a bit worried about this baby, since you hadn't told your boyfiend, so you are probably carrying around some guilt (or relief, or guilt from relief) - that you may not have even recognized because it's buried deep down.

Miscarriages are hard enough when they happen in a "traditional" marriage, where the support structure is (supposedly) setup, although this doesn't always help as much as people think. But it can be especially tough on someone who is single and living the free life and is just expected to get back into the swing of things.

If your friends aren't willing to accept the emotional answers, then give them the physical ones - maybe that will cool their heels some. And in the meantime, think about possibly talking to you OB/GYN about either some counseling or possible post-partum depression. It may not be that serious; but it's better to head off the worst scenario, than to find yourself in a really bad place 6 months from now.

Hugs, <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Thank you so much. This is very hard to do alone. I know that I am very depressed over it. I feel like I should be able to move on but I can't. My friends try to understand but they don't. I do need to see a counselor or something. It is hard to carry this alone. Thanks for listening.

I told the guy I was seeing that I thought I might be pregnant. He just ignored it and then other stuff happened. So, I thought it best for me to handle it alone. He was not mature enough to deal with a kid. I miss my baby though. I wish I had it with me now. I would of been 4 months now. I think about that a lot. It kills me that I won't ever get to know my little one. I wonder what it would of been like, who it would of looked like. You know?? Why did it have to happen??

I wish I had an answer for you. It does sound as if your baby would not have had a very good father, though. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby would have looked like in a bad way, you can try to imagine this in a positive light. I'm not a counselor or anything; but instead of trying to picture your baby's face as something you have lost, focus on your baby's face with a different thought in your head.

Try to imagine your baby's face, think of the different combinations of your eyes with his hair, etc.; but instead of focusing on the loss, focus on the details and the love. Make it positive. If you are into art at all, possibly you could try to draw or paint this little person and that would give you someone to look at, something like a photo. But you need to focus on the love rather than the loss.

Maybe this will help with the healing some.

Thank you that does help. Thank you for writing me back, I feel better. I never thought of that. I know that there is love there for my baby on my part. I am glad that he isnt involved and doesn't know anything. That is better. He would not of been good for either one of us. My baby is somewhere better, but I would of rather have had the chance to get to know my little one. But things happen for a reason, or so I keep hearing. I appreciate all the help!!!

Hi Ashley
Hoping that your spirits are a little higher. Thanks for your comments from before. It means alot when someone takes the time to acknowledge and can relate to what I'm going through. Everyone else have moved on and are expecting me to have done the same. But I'm finding it very difficult. I've been visiting my baby's grave every day (2-3times now that my little girl was on school hols). I was shocked as on one of my visits this week there was preparation for another burial. I cried so much (one of the first times in front of my little girl), it just brought so much back to me. I cried not only for myself but also for the famiky and unknown child to me (it's a children's cemetery)...I've considered councelling but don't know if it'll help!!!
Best wishes again. I'd love to hear from you again. x-x-x

I know exactly how you're feeling as well Ashley. I lost my baby a little over a year ago now and I still can't seem to "get over it." My baby would have been born in March and all summer all I could think is "my baby would be taking its first swim now." Things like that don't help. My husband is still here, as you have read in my thread, but I can't talk to him about it, so I haven't talked to anyone about it and that just makes the situation worse. I am so glad I found this site. Now those of us who feel completely stranded can come together and work through our losses with eachother.

I think the whole counseling idea is good. I have thought about it too. No one gets what I am going through. I am glad I have found people who do. Thank you for replying back. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you the best. Maybe someday we can all move on but for the time being it is nice to have people who understand to talk to. I don't really know how I am suppost to feel or act. The thought of it goes away sometimes only to come back and smack me in the face. It hurts so bad and no one I know understands that. So, thanks for listening to me. I wish you all the best.

I am so thankful to have someone to talk to. No one in my family even understands what I am going through. The have kids that are healthy and have made it you know. That would have been my first baby. I just don't know how I am suppost to feel. Everyone wants me to be happy all the time, but that isn't happening. I just don't know what to do. That was my baby that never made it that I didn't get a chance to know or anything. I am glad to have people that understand what I am going through cause no one I know does. Thank you and best wishes!!!