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I am depressed

Posted By: Angel06

I am depressed - 08/31/06 03:31 AM

I had a miscarriage a couple months ago, and I just can't seem to get over it. All my friends think I should be able too but I can't. The guy I was seeing doesn't even know. He was seeing me and another girl and we both worked together and had no idea. I never want him to know. You know? I just wish I could get over it you know. I think about it everyday. I wonder, am I a mom even though I don't have a baby. You get what I mean. I am not even sure.
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: I am depressed - 08/31/06 04:03 AM

I would be willing to bet that all of your friends that want you to "get over it" have never had to go through this situation.

You are mourning the loss of your baby, even more so you are doing it in secret - without the support of your significant other, becuase he never knew in the first place. That is a tremendously hard thing to do!

It is going to take you time to get over this. Just physically, your body is going through changes adjusting from being pregnant to not-pregnant; your hormones are shifting around wildly (AGAIN!) That is enough by itself to cause depression. And I would be willing to bet that you were feeling a bit worried about this baby, since you hadn't told your boyfiend, so you are probably carrying around some guilt (or relief, or guilt from relief) - that you may not have even recognized because it's buried deep down.

Miscarriages are hard enough when they happen in a "traditional" marriage, where the support structure is (supposedly) setup, although this doesn't always help as much as people think. But it can be especially tough on someone who is single and living the free life and is just expected to get back into the swing of things.

If your friends aren't willing to accept the emotional answers, then give them the physical ones - maybe that will cool their heels some. And in the meantime, think about possibly talking to you OB/GYN about either some counseling or possible post-partum depression. It may not be that serious; but it's better to head off the worst scenario, than to find yourself in a really bad place 6 months from now.

Hugs, <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 08/31/06 04:09 AM

Thank you so much. This is very hard to do alone. I know that I am very depressed over it. I feel like I should be able to move on but I can't. My friends try to understand but they don't. I do need to see a counselor or something. It is hard to carry this alone. Thanks for listening.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 08/31/06 02:31 PM

I told the guy I was seeing that I thought I might be pregnant. He just ignored it and then other stuff happened. So, I thought it best for me to handle it alone. He was not mature enough to deal with a kid. I miss my baby though. I wish I had it with me now. I would of been 4 months now. I think about that a lot. It kills me that I won't ever get to know my little one. I wonder what it would of been like, who it would of looked like. You know?? Why did it have to happen??
Posted By: Chelle - Marriage Editor

Re: I am depressed - 08/31/06 11:44 PM

I wish I had an answer for you. It does sound as if your baby would not have had a very good father, though. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby would have looked like in a bad way, you can try to imagine this in a positive light. I'm not a counselor or anything; but instead of trying to picture your baby's face as something you have lost, focus on your baby's face with a different thought in your head.

Try to imagine your baby's face, think of the different combinations of your eyes with his hair, etc.; but instead of focusing on the loss, focus on the details and the love. Make it positive. If you are into art at all, possibly you could try to draw or paint this little person and that would give you someone to look at, something like a photo. But you need to focus on the love rather than the loss.

Maybe this will help with the healing some.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 09/01/06 03:57 AM

Thank you that does help. Thank you for writing me back, I feel better. I never thought of that. I know that there is love there for my baby on my part. I am glad that he isnt involved and doesn't know anything. That is better. He would not of been good for either one of us. My baby is somewhere better, but I would of rather have had the chance to get to know my little one. But things happen for a reason, or so I keep hearing. I appreciate all the help!!!
Posted By: angelbaby

Re: I am depressed - 09/03/06 12:54 AM

Hi Ashley
Hoping that your spirits are a little higher. Thanks for your comments from before. It means alot when someone takes the time to acknowledge and can relate to what I'm going through. Everyone else have moved on and are expecting me to have done the same. But I'm finding it very difficult. I've been visiting my baby's grave every day (2-3times now that my little girl was on school hols). I was shocked as on one of my visits this week there was preparation for another burial. I cried so much (one of the first times in front of my little girl), it just brought so much back to me. I cried not only for myself but also for the famiky and unknown child to me (it's a children's cemetery)...I've considered councelling but don't know if it'll help!!!
Best wishes again. I'd love to hear from you again. x-x-x
Posted By: Reality

Re: I am depressed - 09/03/06 01:37 AM

I know exactly how you're feeling as well Ashley. I lost my baby a little over a year ago now and I still can't seem to "get over it." My baby would have been born in March and all summer all I could think is "my baby would be taking its first swim now." Things like that don't help. My husband is still here, as you have read in my thread, but I can't talk to him about it, so I haven't talked to anyone about it and that just makes the situation worse. I am so glad I found this site. Now those of us who feel completely stranded can come together and work through our losses with eachother.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 09/04/06 03:22 AM

I think the whole counseling idea is good. I have thought about it too. No one gets what I am going through. I am glad I have found people who do. Thank you for replying back. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you the best. Maybe someday we can all move on but for the time being it is nice to have people who understand to talk to. I don't really know how I am suppost to feel or act. The thought of it goes away sometimes only to come back and smack me in the face. It hurts so bad and no one I know understands that. So, thanks for listening to me. I wish you all the best.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 09/04/06 03:27 AM

I am so thankful to have someone to talk to. No one in my family even understands what I am going through. The have kids that are healthy and have made it you know. That would have been my first baby. I just don't know how I am suppost to feel. Everyone wants me to be happy all the time, but that isn't happening. I just don't know what to do. That was my baby that never made it that I didn't get a chance to know or anything. I am glad to have people that understand what I am going through cause no one I know does. Thank you and best wishes!!!
Posted By: wannabemexicana

Re: I am depressed - 10/03/06 08:14 PM

i can honestly understand what ur going thru. No one in my family understand or cares to much about what im ging thru either.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 10/15/06 04:11 AM

I am very sorry honey. If you ever need to talk just send me a message, or email me.
Posted By: "Rosie"

Re: I am depressed - 10/15/06 01:21 PM

my heart goes out to you, 41yrs ago i gave birth to a baby girl she died 3 hours after birth, to this day i think of her often its not that it gets easier its that over time you handle it different, even though your baby wasnt full term it was just that your baby, you need that mourning time, dont let any one take that from you
Posted By: Faeriebaby

Re: I am depressed - 10/16/06 10:35 PM

I went trough the same thing 2 months ago. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. I went to hospital, and my baby's heartbeat was really low. Only 75 bpm, which is lower than mine. I went to the doctor a few days later, still bleeding, but the baby was still there. I saw his heart beat, but it was still low. The next day, I felt myself go into labor. My mom was with me, and she kept saying, "Maybe God will create a miracle." Almost immediately after, I felt something pass and all the pain went away. I went to the bathroom and wiped, and there it was, and I knew it. The doctor confirmed my miscarriage a couple of days later. I was so angry. I wanted the baby so badly. I think I went to the doctor too early too. Immediately after I found out I was pregnant, I started having cramps. So I was going to the doctor for them to check my levels, and they had to do those vaginal ultrasounds. I think it made it worse. I was worried all the time. Next time I am not going to the doctor until I'm like 12 weeks. They can't do anything for you. All they do is charge you money. I know a lot of people too who don't know what it's like. They can just pop out babies one right after the other and there health is even worse. I wish there was a stork. It would be so much easier. Angel, you are a mom, like I a mom. It was my first pregnancy too. I like to look at it as if we needed a special gaurdian angel to watch us and protect us. Someone just for us. Hopefully our little angels will help keep it from ever happening again.
Posted By: Angel06

Re: I am depressed - 10/17/06 01:30 AM

Thank you so much I needed to hear that. I never think of myself as a mom cause i have no kids, except for my angel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I just need someone to talk to sometimes. I am so upset about the miscarriage. I finally told the guy I was with and he acts like he doesn't care at all. I just want someone to understand and care. I am hurting bad even to this day. I appreciate you all writing back to me. God bless you all, and my prayers are with you. Ashley
Posted By: sam06

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 12:16 AM

Hi,

It has now been 12 days since I lost my son at 19 weeks due to placental abruption. I am finding it really hard to accept that my baby who I carried inside me for nearly 5 months has now gone. It all happened so quick. My pregnancy was going fine until 3 weeks ago when I started bleeding and having cramps in my lower abdomen every day. I was in and out of hospital having speculum examinations, scans and to listen to my baby's heartbeat. Everything was fine. I was told to bedrest and just hope for the best as I was told it was a threatened miscarriage and they could not do anything, I had just had to wait and see what happened. I was constantly reading up about placental abruption on the internet and it said that it mainly happened 20 weeks onwards so I couldn't understand why mine started at 18 weeks. On the day that I gave birth I went to see my midwife earlier on and she said if the bleeding hadn't calmed down I should go and get seen at the hospital again so I went in, listened to the baby's heartbeat, saw the scan and my baby was moving. As soon as I left the hospital and came home, my contractions started and my bleeding got heavier. My husband took me back to the hospital and I was told that I was miscarrying. I was given pethadine and delivered my baby boy shortly afterwards. Baby was buried the next day and it was all over. Everything happened so quickly. It hurts so much... I was supposed to have my 20 week scan in 3 days. I don't know what caused my placenta to abrupt. I am 28 years old and healthy as far as I know. My placenta is being examined as well as my blood. I will be given the results in a few weeks time. Since then, I have heard of a lot of miscarriages but they have mainly been before 13 weeks and I can't find anyone to relate to as I gave birth to my baby, held him, and buried him. I love and miss him so much. Is there anyone who can relate to me?
Posted By: sam06

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 12:18 AM

Hi,

It has now been 8 days since I lost my son at 19 weeks due to placental abruption. I am finding it really hard to accept that my baby who I carried inside me for nearly 5 months has now gone. It all happened so quick. My pregnancy was going fine until 3 weeks ago when I started bleeding and having cramps in my lower abdominal every day. I was in and out of hospital having speculum examinations, scans and to listen to my baby's heartbeat. Everything was fine. I was told to bedrest and just hope for the best as I was told it was a threatened miscarriage and they could not do anything, I had just had to wait and see what happened. I was constantly reading up about placental abruption on the internet and it said that it mainly happened 20 weeks onwards so I couldn't understand why mine started at 18 weeks. On the day that I gave birth I went to see my midwife earlier on and she said if the bleeding hadn't calmed down I should go and get seen at the hospital again so I went in, listened to the baby's heartbeat, saw the scan and my baby was moving. As soon as I left the hospital and came home, my contractions started and my bleeding got heavier. My husband took me back to the hospital and I was told that I was miscarrying. I was given pethadine and delivered my baby boy shortly afterwards. Baby was buried the next day and it was all over. Everything happened so quickly. It hurts so much... I was supposed to have my 20 week scan in 3 days. I don't know what caused my placenta to abrupt. I am 28 years old and healthy as far as I know. My placenta is being examined as well as my blood. I will be given the results in a few weeks time. Since then, I have heard of a lot of miscarriages but they have mainly been before 13 weeks and I can't find anyone to relate to as I gave birth to my baby, held him, and buried him. I love and miss him so much. Is there anyone who can relate to me?
Posted By: Unknown

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 05:10 AM

Hi,

I totally understand what you are going through. I've had four miscarriages. The first two babies I carried to 19 weeks, 3rd baby to 23 weeks, and the last baby to 20 weeks. The 4th miscarriage was on Sunday, Oct. 15th at 10:19am. I had a baby boy also and name him Trevor. I am having a very diffcult time with grieving and not knowing what is happpening for me to continue to have a miscarriage. I was told I had an incompetent cervix so I had to have my cervix stitched up. I also received a shot once a week to prevent me for going into labor early, but none of it worked. I am also having tests ran after six weeks on my uterus and a blood clotting test. Again, I do understand your pain, I am 28 yrs. and healthy as far as I know, I am sorry for your lost.

Tracy [color:"blue"] [/color]
Posted By: "Rosie"

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 04:03 PM

i gave birth to a full term baby girl (doreen) who live for 3 hours that was 41yrs ago i still mourn her its not that it gets easier i just handle it different, over the years, when i think of her my heart hurts just as much as it did 41yrs ago
Posted By: julieh526

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 04:40 PM

I am so grateful to have found this site and your post. Firstly, my sincere condolences on your loss. I just lost my baby at 17 weeks yesterday. I will have a d&c today at 5pm and will find out the gender and then we will have a burial on Sunday. This is my 3rd miscarriage this year. I was diagnosed with antiphospholipid antibody syndrome prior to this pregnancy and was put on heparin and baby aspirin which was supposed to significantly improve my chances of carrying to term. In my case, it did not work. I am grateful in that I have 3 beautiful children, however, that does not make this loss any easier. The doctor informed me that I will not be able to have any more children because it is too risky to me and to any future fetus due to my new history.

I hope you can find comfort in the support of this site and your friends and family.

Blessings,

Julie
Posted By: missing_my_boy

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 09:16 PM

Hello ladies. It has been nice to find a thread where women understand what I am going through. I lost my son at 26 1/2 weeks about 6 months ago. I had a miscarriage prior to him and have had a miscarriage since him. My first m/c was at 6 weeks and then the last one was at 8 1/2 weeks. Everything was going well and the baby had progressed like they wanted it to and then bam, it was gone. I think that unfortunately most of us will not know why this keeps happening. I have PCOS but they cannot say this it has caused any of this. I have been tested for everything under the son and they can find nothing wrong with me.
My hubby and I have decided to take a break until after New Year's. 3 losses in 1 year has gotten to us.
If any of you need someone to relate to, I am here!
Posted By: GtownmaGenealogy

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 09:39 PM

When Mother's Day comes around you think about what a wonderful mother you are because your baby is in Heaven knowing you are here missing and loving them. While I have never had to experience your pain, I know you are a wonderful mother in every way.
Posted By: sam06

Re: I am depressed - 10/19/06 11:39 PM

I am glad someone can relate to me and understand my pain. It's hard when people just tell you to move on and that you can always try again... what about the baby that you gave birth to? Even though he wasn't alive, he was still my baby and I can't get over it. I miss him so much! I don't know when to start trying again. I am scared of going through the same thing. Some people say it is safe to start trying after 1 cycle whereas I have heard some saying wait 2 or 3 cycles.
Posted By: angelbaby

Re: I am depressed - 12/03/06 01:05 AM

Hi there�First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for the loss of your baby boy.
I totally understand what you�re going through. Earlier this year on 22nd April 06 I had a missed miscarriage at 18weeks pregnant. My baby had died at around 15weeks but I experienced no obvious symptoms. My due date was 23rd September and my baby would have now been 2months old. Time has passed and everybody has moved on�ME? Day by day I feel my grief in a different way. I feel the emptiness and think of my shattered dreams�Then I feel guilty, I have a little girl aged 6half and am grateful for her health�I know that I have been blessed with the wonderful gift of motherhood and when I ask myself why has this happened? Why has my baby boy been taken away? Why instead of my baby in my arms, I have to find comfort at a cemetery just to feel close to him? I think of people who long for but have not yet been blessed with motherhood. The longing future parents who have never conceived, the ones who have conceived but never born, the ones who have born but have lost, the ones who have brought up then tragically lost�so in this I find comfort and pray for everyone who has ever experienced loss, I pray for everyone to one day experience and fulfil their desire to become parents�God bless
If you need to chat, I�m always here to offer support�because I know what it�s like when you�re stuck in time but the world continues going round you!!!
x-x-x
In regard to when to start trying again�I think when you�re ready, you�ll know�Some people try more or less immediately�My miscarriage was 8months ago and I�m only just starting to plan & think �maybe soon�. You have to not only be physically ready but also �mentally and emotionally� ready�.But, you�ll know!!!
Posted By: angelbaby

Re: I am depressed - 12/03/06 01:18 AM

Hi Ashley
It's been a while since i was last on the forum...Hoping that things are going a little better for you and wish you well...It's now 8months after my miscarriage...2half months after my due date and I'm still grieving. I don't know when...I don't know how...like many others have said, we will find the strength to carry on, never forgetting but just moving on. Sometimes I think I feel worse now than before!!!
God bless.
x-x-x
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