BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management My husband makes life full of stress

Hello
I just need to vent... My husband goes to school ft and works almost ft. I stay at home and am working on a few online ventures. He always gives me all these assignments and it drives me crazy.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!We also have a 19 month old who I take care of....

I Make him do what i want him too do but thats just me

All of us are under stress. This is one thing we can not escape.

YOur husband works full time plus studies full time almost?
You get to stay home?


I think your husband is under alot of stress aswell.....

Sounds like you two are pulling apart instead of pulling together...there's a subconscious competition here, for whom needs more validation....

You both have needs, but you both need to fulfil each others' needs, as well as to have your own recognised, acknowledged and worked on....

Toughie.... <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

We all need stress management these days.

What is a ft?

ft = Full Time
pt = Part Time.....

Lsiwndawaaa = Lazy stoopid idiot who never does any work anywhere at all.....

(I've met some.....) <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just a bit of old fashion advice. Support your husband as he is trying to make a good future for you and your 19 month old. We all have stress but we learn to over come it.

What kind of assignments does he give you?

Yes.

There is always someone in a worse predicament. My husband and I have weathered going to school full time at the same time while raising three kids, through a military deployment, sickness and health, and a vindictive ex-wife. We are now in graduate school. You have to want it bad enough. Think about your 19 mo old and how much more you will be able to give your child.

yes, i would like to ask the same ? what does he ask of you to do?

I would also ask first of all what kind of things he asks you to do. If it's homey type things that should be getting done that's alright in my opinion. Now if he's just being silly and asking you to do things that are ridiculous, that's another. You're both under stress, but it sounds like he has an amazingly long day. You're able to take those little time outs being at home. A 19 month old is surely a lot of work, too. I wouldn't like being told what to do either, especially if they were getting done. I am capable of doing the dishes without being told, after all. HaHa. It's possible your hubby is just worried that if he doesn't remind you he'll have to come home and do it himself. Remind him that you've got things under control Enjoy the time you are able to spend together relaxing.

Wow's that really tough. My husband drives me crazy sometimes too. I think when men say "I do" at the altar they suddenly feel that annoying is the new communication. JK. But seriously, I know how you feel because my husband does the same kind of thing. That on top of hardly seeing him, working online and having a little bitty child is a lot to deal with. I just wanted to let you know that if you need to do more venting I'd be happy to listen. You're not alone in what you're going through! Do you have a boy or girl?

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!

Stress displacement.
I know your comment was made in jest, but actually, you know, it's a common problem - !
Excess shopping fills a void.... and creates one in your bank account too....!

Alexandra,

Yes, the post was made in jest. Jokes make people laugh. Laughter breaks tension. A break in tension relieves stress. Sometimes the best help you can offer someone is not through giving advice or philosophical answers straight off, but through caring enough about their emotional well being to try and find a way to relate to them. Jokes do that. Obvious jokes don't need disclaimers. People who are venting just need someone to listen.

I think you should talk to your husband and try to understand him your needs. I am sure he will definitely listen

Communications is very very important. When is he finished?

yeah i agree with you madampeachy

To me it sounds like you need some adult intereaction, maybe a pt job away from the baby and the absent husband. It's hard to be a stay at home mom, when you're alone ALL the time. He's stressed, but as many have said, it's for your future. He gives you assignments? Don't know what to make of that. Try something new, I'm sure there are other people in your community in your same situation feeling the same way you do; campus usually has resources that may benefit you.

Perhaps the question here is, "What do you need to do to improve the way your husband affects you?"

I understand what it's like to feel your husband creates a lot of stress in your life. In fact, I felt the same way until I realized that I am the one who is in control of how I let others affect me, including my husband.

I learned to put up boundaries and figure out what makes me happy so that I could offset the drama my guy added. Now, I am happy and not feeling that my happiness depends on my husband.

I wrote an article about this called, What if He Doesn't Change? . I hope it inspires you!

How about the stress your husband have? Oh no here I am being a traitor to my own gender again; I always forget that only women matter .

I find my husband to be a comfort.

As Tami pointed out, we are always wholly the ones responsible for the stress we experience. No external person can cause stress or make stress for us. It is all about how we choose to interpret and judge things. We have control over our way of perceiving our world.

Let's say my boyfriend comes home unhappy and turns on the TV full volume while I was working on a quiet project.

I can choose to be stressed and grumpy about this. I can choose to feel this is somehow a cruel personal assault on me and that I should therefore be stressed and upset a a result.

On the other hand, I can choose to realize he's had a rough day and is full of stress. His actions aren't about doing anything at all to me. He is trying to unwind himself and reduce his own stress. He probably doesn't even realize that I was liking the quiet.

If I take the healthier path and think about the issue from his point of view, I realize he is in a rough situation and needs some help. I can then help him relax. And then he's happier and I'm happier. And we're all happier, and our world is that much better.

The more we perceive others in our world as co-travelers on a common journey, the more our own stresses come into perspective and we're able to manage them without issue.