BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage why ?

Ok I have been married for 5 yrs now and have a 4yr old daughter and an 11 yr old son from previous marriage....3yrs ago I caught my hubby cheating on me & then proceeded to find 3 yrs of very suggestive sexually e mails to one of his friends and also an addiction to porn...photos of women he works with e mailed to his buddies....basically just outright seems like he had a sexual addiction outside of our marriage of course cuz I sure wasnt having any sex !!!! anyway he of course blamed it all on drugs and pornography and im still here....what im mad about now is ME!!!!! I dont trust him never will & frankly dont like him anymore, let alone love him. I love him in the way that I would'nt want to get run over by a car ya' know....he is a great father to our daughter and she adores him....I know its stupid to stay here and say its for her.....the real reason is im afraid I couldnt afford to financially take care of us all....I have been a stay at home mom and just recently went back to work part time....bla bla bla....its so obvious that I need to pack up & hit it but anyway....my other problem is that I have a friend that is my bestest buddy.....she is divorced now and started a new career out by sleeping with her boss who is married & twice her age!!!! They cheat on one another all the time, get mad and take a "break" and then get back together.....meanwhile during the break she sleeps with other married men !!!! Her entire existence is about getting the attention of a man and having sex with them. My heart just breaks when im around her and she tells me about these guys or they text her & i get to read the "x" rated material....I know there is more to her than this....I mean at least I thought so....I have lost respect for her & have put in her in the same "dirty cheatin' sex using" category I have my hubby in.......why do people use sex in sooo many wrong ways im sooooo sick of sex & beauty and how people use it to get things accomplished in life......WOW what a post guess I had alot to say ha ha ha....if I get no repsonses to this....so be it it just felt good to get it off my chest !!!!!

I think my friends behavior at this point hurts more than his....simply becuz I miss her...and even tho we have discussed how messed up our situations are...I feel like she judges me if I stay here in my marriage....and I know she hates my husband for cheating on me & just being an idiot at times.....but her man is far from perfect and im not judging.........bla bla bla

I've been a psychotherapist for more than thirty years, and I believe the answer to why people use sex to get their needs met is because they're not getting them met in other ways.

More importantly, you need to decide whether you want to stay with him or not, and what you want out of the relationship if you do. If you need help with what you want and deserve, or even deciding to stay or not, get some counseling from a certified psychotherapist. Look in your yellow pages, conduct an on-the-phone interview with the therapist to see if she's the person you want. I say she, because a woman will most likely be better able to understand what you're going through---but not necessarily. You have to decide which of the people you talk to sound like they understand you and could be helpful.

All best,

It sounds like you need to go find yourself a whole different group of PEOPLE. Your husband is pretty much not marraige material and your friend is sleeping with married men. I don't feel sorry for your friend, not one bit. These are MARRIED MEN, they have wives, they took vows. She's just mean and she doesn't care. I would never have a friend like that. My friends don't act like that. These wives are sitting at home taking care of their children and your friend is out there breaking several peoples' homes. What's there to feel sorry about. She's crazy. And so is your husband, maybe you should just leave and let them hook up.

By the way I wish you all the best because it sounds like you deserve it. <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

wow I typed a huge response and clicked on something and lost it all !!! what a nerd ha ha ha
Basically what I said is thanks for the response and it is clear that I have alot to think about and need to do that...just not sure how ? The friend thing? well yup you're right again....there should be no sympathy for a woman who wiliingly sleeps with other women's husbands...but as messed up as she is and as much as I disagree with it...she is my messed up friend and I do care about her & still love her !!! I will just pray more for her & for god to reveal to her what she needs to know...and for the hubby....im just soooo mad you know ? Before we met I was divorced & back to being single...had taken myself from the bottom to (not the richest place)a comfortable existence and was self sufficient & independant. I had a great job a cozy apt & was doin' alright...at times a little overwhelmed & tired but hey I wasnt the first single mom....anyway along comes this guy after 3 yrs and BLAM...I gave my trust away...left my life to move fwd with him very excited and it was a lie right from the start.....the thing that is sooo hard to understand about myself...is what happened to my bravery ? why am I not just running to the door this time around ? Is it becuz I now have 2 children....who knows its a mystery how lifes experiences can change you & your decisions. You find yourself staying in places or situations that you just never would have guessed.....
Happy Easter to you all & PEACE

hi rebecca,
youre not running to the door because hes worn you down
and there are so many excuses not to go what you need to look at is what are the reasons you should, what overwhelms you? ive been in your situation myself only i didnt hae children to think about
i got to the point where it was my health or his do i do something stupid and end up in prison or do i end up in a looney bin because it could have gone either way if id have stayed. your also probably mad at your friend because what she is doing is similar to what you are experiencing

hey it will be hard to find that independant woman again and probably scary but highly exciting!!
just look at me i now have my own business

and God has blessed me with a wonderful christian husband.

God wont let you down you will get through this and come out the other end a stronger woman.
i pray that God will give you the courage to move on to a much better life!

God bless alicat