BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage Hi - First time poster here.

Hi there, my name is Griff, and my wife had a miscarriage almost a year ago.
We were in our 9th week, and were on holiday in New York when it happenned.
It was pretty horrific, and all happend on New Years Eve to make it even worse.
My wife had to have a D&C on New Years Day before we flew home in case there were any complications.
It was a very tought 3/4 months immediately after it, and we have decided to not try again for a while.
the thing is, although I am obviously extremely sensitive to her, I feel that she is still affected by it, even this far down the line.
She blames a lot of things "on the miscarriage" and I am finding it very hard to deal with it.
I do understand that it is a totally different thing to deal with obviously the physical side of things, but I was just wondering if there are any other guys on here who could offer some words of support or anyone else who has been in the same situation ?
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Been there -- we had three miscarriages before things worked out. Our first was on vacation too, happened on the plane to Florida, so I can relate. There are two approaches; neither is right or wrong, but as a guy, you can rest assured whichever you pick will be wrong... ;-)

The first is to sit down and try to talk through it. Pro: it may get things out in the open. Con: she may insist nothing is wrong and you're in a seriously awkward position. If it works out, you can push for the "get back in the saddle again" angle and show that you're interested by researching possible causes, such as progesterone deficiency (turned out to be the problem for us) or other potential factors. Otherwise you'll have to backpedal quickly and not push it -- see option #2.

The other approach is to be supportive but hands-off -- similar to what you seem to have done so far. In many cases, this will work, but it could be that your wife's constant references to the miscarriage is a hint that she WANTS you to get more involved. On the other hand, it could be just her needing a lot of time to deal with. Or perhaps it's a little of everything, and she doesn't know quite what she wants either. The female mind is a mystery, and a female mind beset by loss coupled with powerful hormones and motherly instincts is like trying to comprehend quantum physics explained in Korean.

Bottom line: don't overthink it -- accept that you're way out of your league and just try your best. Being there is half the game, and try to pick up on the clues as you go along. That's all you can do, so try and do it well. The only real, definite cure is probably the birth of a healthy baby, so keep that as the long-term goal and keep nudging in that direction as you progess.

Hi I am new to this site but I came across your post mentioning your wife had taken Progesterone? Could you please tell me how far along she was when she miscarried? I have had two miscarriages in a row now and my doctor has brought up the idea of putting me on it because he thinks it may be the problem. I had a m/c at 9 weeks and another at 5 wks. Were you successful right away with becoming pregnant after she took the Progesterone? Really just wanting to know how well the stuff actually works, don't want to get my hopes up. Thanks