hi i'm new here, but i'm going out of my mind.
i was with this guy for five months, when we started out we both decided we wanted a serious relationship. things were wonderful for about 31/2 months, then he started having problems with his work and living situation, he got extremely busy and depressed (he's been in therapy for depression for about a year and half now), he couldn't bring himself to look for another appt. I told him that i love him and he shouldn't be so frustrated for not making so much money, i know it's a phase and things are going to get better.
i offered to help him look for a place because he felt overwhelmed with getting things right with his place and work. He often expressed he feels hopeless and lonely and that he feels sorry for himself. I didn't feel sorry for him, i understood his frustrations and tried to help him with looking for an appt. He started calling me less and less and his focuse was not on the relationship at all.
I called him and told him that i understand he's going through a rough time but it's not fair that he's shutting me out. Two days later he took me out to lunch and told me that he resents and judges me for not working (i was looking for a job for three months and didn't find anything yet) and living with my parents (i'm a full time student trying to get my MA to become a teacher) and for giving him advices on how to do things when he just wants me to be there and listen. then he said that he's not confident enough that he can be in a serious relationship, i said you want to break up? he said he doesn't know what he wants but he's not sure about me. i said then i'm not the right girl for you, he said it's not obvious yet, he's just being honest.
we decided to give it more time to get to know each other and decide if we are for each other or not. after a month he asked me how i feel towards him and i said that i love him, he said he doens't know how he feels about me yet. i got [censored] and told him it's not fair to drag this relationship if he doesn't know how he feels towards me after four months of being together (when i say together i mean we were together every weekend for four months and the family involvment in the relationship was very high on both sides). he asked for one week off to think about things. he came back after one week telling me again that he can't be with me. i asked him for an explanation, after crying his eyes out he told me he cannot get over my disability (i'm hard of hearing, but wear hearing aids and function very normally, he knew about my problem from day one!!!) i told him it's a bullshit excuse, he felt stupid and said that he's confused and he feels he's making the biggest mistake of his life, i told him he's right. then he wanted to try to patch things up and see if he can get overlook my disability.
after a few weeks, after being with his parents the whole weekend, he tells me he wants to be with me but not all the time. at that point i had it i said ok, bye bye. he wrote me a letter saying that he doesn't know why he can not appreciate me for all that i am and be happy and secure with it, and it's not fair to respond to my unconditional love towards him with conditioned love from his side. my question is, am i stupid for loving him unconditionally? i accepted him just the way he was and i enjoyed him because he was a great guy, but i'm starting to think was i loving him or being his doormat? i know i was being very honest with my emotions twords him and i didn't hold back on anything. I didn't think telling him that i love him was such a big deal, that's how i felt.....but why do i feel like i paying a high price for loosing him????? i feel like i scared him away or made him run away by giving him too much (which i did)...advice anyone?