BellaOnline Forums Family Single Parents Single Parents How?

I am a single parent first through divorce, then through assault, both from the same man. I have two children, my daughter is 4, my son 4 months. My ex-husband was very abusive in everyway, but I was too brainwashed to see it and actually took him back after we divorced.

He abandoned my daughter and seems to be following the same course with my son, which frankly I am grateful for. Washington state orders childsupport, and when he bothers to work I actually get some, but it isn't something I count on. I have a strong support system with my parents and my mom actually watches my kids for me while I work. I would drown, to be honest, if she didn't.

This last break up was hard, my ex hit me so hard he broke my eardrum and though it is "healed over" I have permanent hearing loss and pain, as well as ringing. It's been interesting, to say the least, but this time he is being charged with 3rd degree assault which is a felony. A step in the right direction. Oh, and he also ran off with his ex-gf, who he ran off with before and even had a child with...which is why I divorced him in the first place.

I was a sap, but I can see the trail behind me know and have learned a few things along the way. This time, there is no going back.

Dez

How in the world can you even say that with a straight face? Some mothers are bad, granted, but there is no way in the world that a father is more important that a mother! A child always, without fail, wants mommy first, its natural instinct. They lived inside mom for 10 months, and mom is the only one nature equipped to nurish for them. Whats harmful for a childs psychological well being is when MOM doesn't want them. Dad is frankly immaterial. I would know, I was forced to know mine until I turned 18 and could make the decision not to see him myself.

Fathers play with their kid for 10 minutes and their heroes, mothers have to do EVERYTHING ELSE.

Sorry, this really hit a nerve.

Dez

BTW, I have an awesome stepdad who has been my dad for the last 23 years. There is a difference between a "father" and a "dad" and it is a mistake to think the one is the same as the other. Everyone has a father. It is a joy to be lucky enough to have a dad.

I agree with you, Dez - there is a big difference between being a father and a dad and between a mother and a mom. The difference is selfless love. I honestly do not believe that one parent is any more or less important than the other. From a natural standpoint, it is obviously the female who is designed to nurture the child, in and aftern the womb. However, both single mothers and single fathers can make excellent parents.

Based upon your past experiences, I completely understand your perspective. I have a very similar history with the father of my own children. Not only was he abusive, but he abandoned them, too. It is very difficult to deal with such situations, from both the child and the custodial parent's standpoint. I pray that time and love will heal the wounds that you all have sustained.

I know that we are not all going to agree in this Forum; however, I will ask that when anyone decides to make a statement such as Kat1980 has, then please support it with your reasoning. If we don't agree with you, we can at least understand why you feel the way you do. Otherwise, what you say could be hurtful to someone else.

This forum is designed to be a place of sharing and support for single parents.