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What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176524
12/08/04 05:58 AM
12/08/04 05:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 8
Krissi - Miscarriage Editor Offline OP
Newbie
Krissi - Miscarriage Editor  Offline OP
Newbie

Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 8
Here's the topic where you can post your thoughts. I'm collecting your vents and rants to create an ebook on what the world needs to understand about miscarriage. The proceeds will go to charity, and the project just might help the world understand how you're feeling. Post here, or email your thoughts to [email]miscarriage@bellaonline.com.[/email] Vent away.

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176525
12/08/04 11:28 AM
12/08/04 11:28 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 71
United Kingdom
distressedmum Offline
Amoeba
distressedmum  Offline
Amoeba

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 71
United Kingdom
It's simple! The world needs to understand that a miscarriage is all about losing a life - no matter how far the development of the baby. The dissapointment, the pain, and the emptyness of a lost life can tramatise you forever. My first miscarriage at 6 weeks in 1989, my second at 14 weeks in 1996 all buried deep within my heart forever, but never ever to be forgotten. The world needs to be understanding and sympathetic for the poor mother will always be grieving/remembering on the inside no matter how many living children she has. God bless everyone who has had to endure this suffering!

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176526
12/08/04 03:32 PM
12/08/04 03:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 71
United Kingdom
distressedmum Offline
Amoeba
distressedmum  Offline
Amoeba

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 71
United Kingdom
At 25 years of age I found out that I had miscarried not through the sonographist doing the ultrasound, but on being wheeled back to the ward by the Nurse who yelled out for all to hear "tell Mrs to get ready for a D&C." It hit home when lying on my bed was a cap and gown for me to go change into. My last miscarriage really freaked me out and I think that I only came to terms with it when my daughter was born 6 months ago.

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176527
12/21/04 03:49 AM
12/21/04 03:49 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1
North Carolina
Corianne Offline
Newbie
Corianne  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1
North Carolina
I saw this question, and was absolutely stunned to see someone actually asking us to vent...by 'us', I mean, women who have endured miscarriage.
My first miscarriage was Sept of 03, at 7 weeks. My second miscarriage was May 12th, at 18 weeks, and May 15th, at 18 weeks. (twins)
The world should know that miscarriage does not just occur and cause upheaval in a woman/couple/family's life for a month, or a short time. Loosing a baby is a pain that lasts. It has been nearly 7 months since my last miscarriage, and I am STILL gripped quite often by the fact that my children are dead. Many things provoke the grief to a bereaved mom....something as small as getting a period, or seeing a baby outfit to larger things like holidays, due dates, baby dedications or baby baptisms at church. Insensitive remarks, made without care or concern hurt just as much as people not saying anything at all. Although, sometimes not saying anything at all is better than saying something that causes pain. Things like, "you're young, you'll have more" or "you seem to be handling it well" or "be at peace, your baby is in heaven", or "I know what you are going through" (when the person has no clue about what has happened, and has never been in the situation you are in) etc, etc, etc...are all comments that sting the heart.
When talking to grieving mothers, choose your words wisely. Don't send baby outfits or blankets their way. Don't send them a birthday cake mix in a box, and tell them to celebrate the birthday to help them grieve. Don't expect a mom who has recently miscarried to come to your baby shower. And, don't just leave the moms to grieve in silence, alone....especially the first year after the loss.
There is my rant. Venting all of that felt good. Thanks. :rolling:

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176528
01/20/05 01:53 AM
01/20/05 01:53 AM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1
wendylou13 Offline
Newbie
wendylou13  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1
People have to understand that it is a very sensitive time in someone's life and it is not something to be taken lightly. Even if you are not outwardly showing your pain to the world, you are still hurting in private. A friend, (who has had a miscarriage herself) told me that she "had a really bad feeling about my pregnancy" 2 days after I miscarried and had a D&C. Some people obviously do not think before they speak, and that can turn out to be very hurtful and insensitive.

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176529
01/20/05 03:21 PM
01/20/05 03:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
wyoming
apsherman Offline
Newbie
apsherman  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
wyoming
I'm a writer and working on my 6th book - this one will be about miscarriage. I've thought of publishing it as an e-book because the publishing world is really against hearing other points of views about miscarriage. Such as alternative treatments, expressions of anger in addition to grief, the sometimes insensitive medical community. There are a lot of powerful women's miscarriage blogs online - I link to many from my Babyfruit blog at http://babyfruit.typepad.com/baby. There is always a need for more resources on this topic. I've found it to be quite taboo among women (and doctors) until it happens to you. If you'd like to share your personal experience with miscarriage for my book, check out details at http://www.firstthreemonths.com/. I've had publishers tell me "there are enough books about infertility" (they don't realize miscarriage is so different from infertility) and "no women want to read about miscarriage - they just want to get on with having their baby." Yikes!


++0--0++0--0++0--0++0--0++
Babyfruit-The Miscarriage Diaries
http://babyfruit.typepad.com/baby/
Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176530
02/01/05 12:01 PM
02/01/05 12:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Queensland, Australia
Tameika Offline
Newbie
Tameika  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Queensland, Australia
Hi my name is Tameika and i am 18. About 2 monthes ago i got married and on my honeymoon i discovered i was pregnant. It was the best week of my life, but at 6 weeks of pregnancy i went for an ultrasound and they told me the babys heartrate was too slow and i might loose it. I was resceduled for an ultrasound in 2 weeks. It was a horrible 2 weeks, i was trying to be positive whilst people where saying well if the baby doesnt make it... after two weeks we discovered the baby was indeed dead. i had a d&c. i went into denial then sadness and anger. my friends where sorry for me but a week later they acted like things were back to normal and now i only have my husband for support. it has been almost a month and i never realised miscarriage can hurt this bad. i feel hollow inside, and i miss that comforting presence. People tend to say the worst things possible, like dont worry u will have another, or u were too young and too poor anyway. its very tough losing a baby, it is alive to u nothing can replace it. venting like this feels good though, not everybody wants to hear about it and i think thats what makes it hard. God bless to everybody out there learning to cope after this, your not alone

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176531
02/21/05 07:05 AM
02/21/05 07:05 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2
California
BelindaS Offline
Newbie
BelindaS  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2
California
The world needs to understand that women need to have time to mourn the loss of their child, no matter how far along they are. When you in your 1st trimester and you have a
miscarriage people seem to think a women should not be so upset so hurt by the loss. A miscarriage is the loss of a life and the loss of the sweet dream of becoming a parent.
I've lost 3 babies and the insensitive things people tend to say is amazing. I've had doctors and loved ones say things to me that just made me feel worse.

Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176532
02/21/05 05:55 PM
02/21/05 05:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Baltimore, Maryland USA
N
NikiandJamiesMom Offline
Newbie
NikiandJamiesMom  Offline
Newbie
N

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Baltimore, Maryland USA
The world needs to know that miscarriage changes a woman forever. Once you've suffered a miscarriage you life will never be the same. Everyone wants you to get back to your "old self." It's not gonna happen. It changes the way you look at life. It changes the way you interract with your loved ones. It affects the relationship with your partner. It can affect your self esteem, your confidence, your sense of well-being. It makes you feel vunerable and sometimes, just down right unstable. A life was lost and, it needs to be aknowledged. The loss of an unborn baby deserves the same mouring and grieving period allowed for any other loss. This was not just some tissue or just an immature fetus, this was a thriving young human being. A human being who got cheated out of it's life. The world needs to know that we as parents got cheated as well. We never had the chance to hear our babies cry, see them smile,or see their first steps. The world needs to know that our hearts break when people don't understand why we are in so much pain, when our grief is not aknowledged, our grief is very real. I would like the world to stop discounting my grief. Stop minimizing my feelings, even though the world had not yet been introduced to my babies, my babies were very real and alive to me.


Mom to 3 angels: ^Nicole 6/10/04^, ^Alex (the cat)8/17/04^,^James2/5/05^
Re: What does the world need to know about miscarriage? #176533
02/25/05 02:03 AM
02/25/05 02:03 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 206
berwick pa
tiflynn Offline
Shark
tiflynn  Offline
Shark

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 206
berwick pa
my b/f has had 2 miscarriages. she thinks about it all the time. youll never forget even after its been awhile. prayers 2 u.

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