As hard as it is having kids, I think wanting them would make my life easier. I wish I wanted them. (...)It could be that after I have one I would be so overwhelmed with love. But what if i'm not? I'm scared to and I'm scared not to. My husband and I just keep going in circles and then deciding to put off the conversation further. We do need to go to counseling. But for some reason I have been procrastinating. I should add I have 2 dogs and LOVE, LIVE for them. If having kids is like that, then great! If i had to sacrifice what I think you have to for them, i think i would. I just can't wrap my head around a human child. Its even hard for me to understand people I know having them much less myself. I don't know why I'm like this. It feels like I might be abnormal or weak or scared or negative. In contrast, my husband doesn't seem to be no ready at all. I think he'd be ready right now if I agreed. Its really a predicament I never thought I would be in and have not heard many people talk about. I have heard of some women wanting them and men not, is that more common? That actually seems like a (slightly) easier situation only bc being the woman who doesn't want one, I am the one who is primarily, at least physically involved
First of all I am so sorry you are going through something like that. I know how hard it is, I went through the same thing. I felt exactly like that. Only slightly different: I never said or implied I wanted children. And still I felt so guilty because I couldn't feel like everybody else and give my husband what he wanted and, in my eyes, deserved for being a beautiful generous human being. And I felt abnormal too.
I started a thread long ago "When it's too late, it gets worse" talking in full detail about my experience, you can find it clicking on my name (it is one of my oldest posts) or going to advance search. I got eventually pregnant, and suffered immensely, and the only thing that gave me hope was the promise (yeah, everybody promises that) that I would be overwhelmed by happiness. Well, it didn't happen.
I also like dogs, but their demands are nothing compared to a child's.
You say you need a counselor. Unless you guys have other issues (couple dynamics, communication problems....) the kid issue is NOT something for a counselor. I am no stranger to therapy, and believe me, there is nothing psychologically or behavior-wise wrong about not wanting a child. It is a personal decision. You cannot hope that a counselor convinces you of the greatness of motherhood. And if you find one who tries, RUN AWAY, lol.
I also had heard about men not wanting children and women suffering because of that. And that made me feel even worse. But then one day I realized that in my real life I knew 2 women (apart from me) who didn't want children, and no man, and then I realized that this feeling comes from movies and TV series where women always are desperate to have children but men are to immature to deliver. I think the separation of the concepts of "woman" and "mother" is one of the ultimate tabues.
My son is now 2 and a half, I love him very much now, my husband is totally in love with him, and my marriage is great, so I cannot really demonize having children anymore (although I would never ever have another child). But it took 2 years therapy (and a lot of posts here lol) to reach this point. In case you ever do anything that goes against your wishes your guts and your common sense, keep realistic expectations and be sure your husband would take at least the 50% responsibility/ work you mention!!!
