This might seem silly, but have you considered a financial planner? It does seem there are more issues than money though.
Visiting a financial planner would help you both develop a fair budget, with an allotment for extras that you could each choose to spend as you wish. Whether that's $10 a week or $100 depending on your overall income level. At least then you'd both know you could spend x amount on whatever you like once bills, savings and the kids had been taken care of. If there is extra it could be saved for trips, etc.
If you decide to stay with him, it might not hurt to at least look at the financials of splitting up. Then if the situation worsens, you'll know more of your options. I would avoid taking out any new credit cards and make sure he doesn't either. You could end up paying his bills after the divorce.
Best of luck.
