BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Have you ever self-sabotaged your success?

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Have you ever self-sabotaged your success?

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~Sharon

Read the article and I believe I self-sabotage.

After I've accomplished something really important or big I always seem to get sick. A cold or I'm physically exhausted - then I'm in bed for a week. I get behind and I feel like I have to play catch up. It takes all the excitement out of my accomplishment. This has happened more than once!

Has anyone else ever had that happen?

That is so weird - reading your article I'm thinking: yep, that's me; yep, that as well; yep, yep, yep - but, in general, I'm not a negative person, or I don't think of myself as negative and don't come over as negative.

But I definitely self-sabotage.

Oh, dear...

Those are me, all the way. I take blame, I ruminate when I should be sleeping, and I have a huge list of unaccomplished goals staggered all along the river of my life. It's depressing.

Yes, i am very hard on myself (but i also feel like people expect a lot from me).


I need to give this some serious thought. It resonates, although it's not how I would have thought I saw myself.

Jill - we're a bit spookily similar in many ways..........?

I just read the article, then started reading all the posts - and I keep coming back to this one. It seems to be the one that resonates the most with me.

It is like we get so excited about getting something good - then our subconsious kicks in and whispers, "but you don't really deserve it, do you?" in this little voice and we start to self-doubt. So we get sick or let something else happen so that no one else will see that we might not be really able to handle the job that we just got.

I remember last year I got a job with the school system being a substitute teacher. That may not sound like a big deal to a lot of people, but to me - who wants to go back to school and finish my music education degree and teach a High School choir one day - this was like a tiny taste of the future. I was really excited. I had even talked wth the choir and band directors about being their fill-ins specifically beacause I know how to direct.

I broke my foot the fist week of school. Then when I got the cast off something else happened, then something, else - before I knew it, 3 months had gone by and I was off the substitute rotation list.

I don't think I ever realized 'til just now reading Sharon's article that maybe part of me did this myself.

The Top 7 Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
(and what to do about them)
By Dr. Robert Anthony

Having trouble reaching all your goals? Are you going for what
you want, but feeling like something is blocking the way? Are
you finding yourself not doing some of the things you know
you should be doing? You may be a victim of sabotage ---
self-sabotage. How do you know and what can you do about
it? Read on and see.

1. Focusing on what is not working, not right, or missing
from your life.

Problem: Notice how often you speak about and think about
what is not working, not right, or missing from your life. This
only attracts more of the things you don't want.

Action: Ask yourself a new question: "What's going right?"
or "What's working?" Begin to notice all the things, no matter
how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal
and each day write down everything that is working and
you will attract more of what is working!

2. Being stuck in fear:

Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is
going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about
your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no
action because of fear of what might occur?

Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We
can't control or predict the future or other people's
behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here,
right now. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst
thing that could happen?" Then, let go and know that
rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur.
Take a moment to put things into perspective by writing
down the things you can not change, the things you want
to change, and accept that the Universe, God, Spirit,
whatever you call it will take care of the rest. It always does!

3. Feeling you have no value:

Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack
pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If
you obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack
of achievement, then you'll be stuck in noticing how much
you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can't
accept compliments, it's a definite sign that you have fallen
into this trap.

Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good
and the things you can be proud of, no matter how small
they may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are
grateful for about YOU. When you hear your mind chattering
about what you haven't done right or well, turn down the
volume and turn up the volume to hear the voice that knows
the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to
the world. Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and
every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself
on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your
small successes and accept the compliments others give
you.

4. Comparing yourself to others:

Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and
then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn't
motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel
we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now.

Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself.
Then write out what you value most in your life. When you
go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with
the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of
adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words
about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a
comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that
describe YOU.

5. Self-Sabotage : getting what you want and then losing it.

Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to have what
you want? When you get what you want, why do you often lose
it or mess it up? What is the true story underneath - maybe that
you think aren't good enough to have it?

Action: List all the things you have accomplished that faded
away. Simply notice these things, but don't place any
judgment on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring
you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is the
limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can't
have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it. Write
down how you felt when you had what you wanted. Write
down how you feel now, without it. Then write a "bridge belief":
A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what
you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge belief, not
matter how small, that you can really believe. By using these
bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your limiting beliefs
slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to
maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you.

6. You chase away relationships.

Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your
relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you
are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a fear of
abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance
yourself from others.

Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a relationship
and the qualities you want to attract in your partners. Express
what you want and don't want to the other person and allow
them to express the same to you. Create time to
acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice
when you feel afraid. Don't try to push the feelings away.
Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Then, in that
moment, focus on what feels good about the relationship.

7. Having no purpose.

Problem: Do you feel you have no purpose in life? We all have
some purpose for being on the planet and it is time to notice
yours.

Action: Write down all the things that are important to you;
the things you want to create in your life. Then write out what
you want to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a
statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each
and every day. Then stop worrying about not knowing your
purpose and start creating what you desire now. It doesn't
matter what you want in the future. So start creating something
you want in your life NOW. This action will ultimately put you in
alignment and bring you closer to your overall purpose.

Yes. By either my lack of self-esteem or starting something by thinking I would not succeed. Also sometimes I freak out when I realise that I am succeeding and it's like I panic and then I make a mess of what I am doing.