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Again, great installment. I'm sure this will have my mind working on this kind of poem in no time. Thanks again for sharing. I did get a case of PHNS and big smiles too.

Thanks Jana and Lestie!
With my poetic nonsense license I slightly modified Lestie's precious PHNS.

MY VERSING GOAL IS P-H-N-S

Some readers seem to view my verse with positive head nod shaking
While many more others think I’ve been drinking too much of the egg nog I’ve been making.


GLUTEN FREE

If I were a server and someone had the nerve to ask for something gluten free

I’d bring back a tin with glue in.


POUTINE

In Quebec it’s very routine to eat Poutine.

Composed of French fries, brown gravy, and cheese curd,

or at least so I’ve heard.

Yet filled with so much cholesterol

That could clog your arteries all,

In my mouth that’s one dish I won’t be puttin’.


PACKAGED MARRIAGES

Not that I believe in polygamy

But because of the pig in me

Oftentimes it seems I’m wed to Betty Crocker, Aunt Jemima, and Sara Lee.


PRE-TORN JEANS

Pre-torn jeans are said to be hip

Yet all they are is an expensive rip

so if I wanted to look poor

I’d wear old non-designer ones which have grown spores.


SUMATRA

Residents of that Indonesian island

Really know their Java

and think they’re Sumatra than you

PHNS is extremely catching when accompanied by a smile.

APPLES AND PEARS

Apple and Pears ... Pears or Apples
A thought with which you must grapple
Miss Demeanour and Miss Behaviour
Argued on and on about which was the flaviour!

Cheers

Oh seriously funny. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face!

THE BEST REASON TO BECOME AN EXECUTIVE CHEF

I never liked being a kitchen minion

because I had to mince a million onion.


PISTACHIOS

I’m really attached to natural pistachios-

so much so that many remain affixed to my mustache and nose.



BIRD'S NEST SOUP

A soup that costs a fortune is made from bird’s nest that is edible,

Derived from the salivary excretions of swiftlets.

That there are those who survive eating that terrible spitlatinous gelatinous goop I find incredible.


PAGELESS

They say that Twitter is the domain of those who still may need a babysitter

While Facebook belongs to those old enough to remember what is a good book.

An abstainer of both I am a seemingly solitary member of Pageless,

Although definitely not ageless.


A COW'S MIEN

A cow’s mien

Not just mainly in the plain

Since they always have it rough

Even if they’ve got a trough

is not a bovine growl

but rather a bored scowl.


A MAN EATING SHARK

When a man eating shark loses its fin

To no one’s chagrin

It also loses its grin.


SPELUNKING

Stalagmites, stalactites, and minerals I just adore-

Thus craving to know what’s above the caves floor

I’d love to be a spelunker

if I was sure I wouldn’t become a kerplunker.

I love these!

RAP MUSIC

I find rap music quite confusic.


ANY OTHER WRITING ADVICE?

It’s been said to write what you know about.

If I did that I’d be none and out.


OMNIPOTENCE

People who claim omnipotence

Should be nipped in the bud

More than once.


NOT EVEN A CRUMB

Waste not

Want not

Don’t be a snot

Eat that whole donut


LIVER

“Come on eat your liver,

just try a sliver.”

NIVER!

Very witty. Love them especially Any Other Writing Advice. Short and to the point, but funny too.

A TEXAN'S VIEW OF LAMB

Ma’am please remove that lamb

As my lips don’t touch anything that’s fleecy and greasy

and smells of being Middle Easty

So if you think I’m going to eat that couscous

Ya’ll must have a screw loose.


STEWED VEGETABLES

Not to be rude

but if served any vegetable that is stewed

Into the garbage that food will quickly be strewed.


FELAFEL

Anyone who thinks it’s awful

Never had a bit or a mouthful.

So pita please

For the sake of those luscious fried chickpeas

Why don’t you try some felafel.


EDIBLE CACTUS

Spiny and sharp piercingly capable of producing way more than a sore

Some people eat cactus

Exactus why I’m not sure.


TWEETS

When a bird goes tweet, tweet, tweet,

It is a sound that is so naturally sweet.

When a human ad nauseam Tweets, Tweets, Tweets,

I wish they had no hands but only feets.

BELL BOTTOMS

Bell bottoms don’t even look well

on those that have swell bottoms.


BERMUDA SHORTS

The expression Ugly American is hard to thwart

With so many going from resort to resort

and port to port

Wearing Bermuda shorts.


GOODBYE CEMETERY POND

To water cattle no matter the eco cost

With so many species lost

They yearly drain the pond.

So I wish that it was salt water which they did absconder

and that they themselves were helpless flounder.


WHAT AN EGO I HAVE!

If someone “liked” my verses day in and day out

Then suddenly stopped without even a “now I hate you” shout

Then in my mind there must only be one result

Which is something that I’ve come to dread,

After for so long my ego had been fed

Alas that person must be dead.


BEEF WELLINGTON

With a beef tenderloin coated with a rich liver pate and a duxelle of mushrooms

Then wrapped in a buttery puff pastry and laced with sauce bordelaise

If you eat an entire Beef Wellington

You’re well on your way to weighing a ton.