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MANHATTAN

“New York New York

If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere”

’cause I’m a multi-millionaire


UMPS

Harumph!

In a slump?

Taking your lumps?

Your nerves making you jump?

Can’t get over the hump?

Hitting those bumps?

Down in the dumps?

Feeling like a chump?

Becoming a grump?

Turning into a frump?

Hair falling out in clumps?

Problems got you stumped?

Tired of listening to your heart thump?

Then get off your rump and take the steps to triump!


THE CRAWFISH

Crawfish are scrumptious.

So anybody who won’t eat them

To all seafood probably say “aw nawfish.”


SPANISH BULLFIGHTING

One event I’d never witness is bull fighting

and so be it if a culture I am slighting

But it seems hordes of people do adore

If not delighting in

Seeing a wit less outpouring of gore.


TIE-DYED

I’d be fit to be tied

Before I wore anything tie-dyed

Unless of course I was totally out of my mind Mai Tai-d.

THE ARTICHOKE

A thistle that doesn’t make want to me to whistle

To get to the heart is more than an art

So as for the rest of the artichoke

I throw it out like a missile.


THE NEURON

The impulse-conducting cells that constitute the brain, spinal column, and nerves in vertebrates

Consisting of a nucleated cell body with one or more dendrites and a single axon:

So that’s the definition of a neuron.

No wonder in class this bio-psychology moron just did snore on and on...


MONOSDODIUM GLUTAMATE

Monosodium Glutamate aka MSG is mostly salty gook

Used by only a schnook of a cook

Whose dishes even many a glutton’s mate has refused to give a second look.


THE MUSEUM

No Eating

No Drinking

No Touching

No Talking

No Photographing

Rules upon rules ad nauseum!

Guess I won’t be going to that museum

as I’m not ready to be a resident of a mausoleum.


AN AGNOSTIC'S RESPONSE

Regarding faith agnostics are accused by believers to sit on the fence and dodge it

but the questioning ones without knowledge would merely ask “where is the logic?”


CHURROS

Light and fluffy that cinnamon and sugar coated fried fritter the Churro is easy to adoro

but if the dough is tough all your jaw will do is chewro and chewro…

ROMAINE

Although it’s very nutritious

Thus to your health the antithesis of deleterious,

but to bring romaine into a conversation about foods that are interesting and adventurous

is definitely not germane.


NOT ANOTHER POEM ABOUT THE ROSE!

Many poets when they compose

Wax on and on about the rose

In rhyme and proper meter that flows and flows

but I suppose since I’m just one of a thorny bunch of ordinary Joes

When I come upon such flowery prose I just doze and doze…


FIRST PERSON

Nothing is worse than to refer to oneself in the first person

or so thinks and says myself Gary McPherson.


HYPCRISTITIOUS

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

I’m not superstitious.

Seven times for luck repetitious!


PIZZA

If every day you eatza a pizza,

Soon your pants ain’t gonna fitza.

THE TOUCAN BARBET

As a bar bet no sweat you can bet

With no need to fret

When answering the question what’s the most colorfully fancy Andean bird that’s not a parrot

if you replied the Toucan Barbet.


THE HORNED GUAN #2

In the mystical cloud forest of Chiapas

With mist all around us

and binoculars hopefully in focus

Beginning to think one may need hocus pocus,

There is nothing better than to see a rare elusive solitary Horned Guan,

Unless of course you see more than uan.


THE TYPICAL CENTRAL AMERICAN DIET

In that sultry region,

A typical diet Central Americain

Is quite simple to ex-plain

As it consists of a bit of animal protein

Along with a smattering of rice, beans and plantain

but probably no flan

So one’s health, if not waistline, is mas o menos easy to man-tain.


BIRDING NON-DEMOCRACY

To paraphrase a swell Orwell,

While all birds are equal,

Some are more equal than others-

So in birding over hill and dell for a long spell,

Many but not all I really hope have a see-quel.


EVOLUTION

A Homo sapien with less apien,

Did Homo erectus gaze up at the sky wondering if they were selectus?


PARROT SNACKSESSION

Not at all a slacker when it comes to being a snacker,

My parrot Payno goes whacker if she doesn’t get a cracker

Screaming out of her wits

If she doesn’t get her daily fix of Ritz.

MA NO MA PO DOFU

Also known as Mrs. Wang’s Pockmarked Bean Curd

For those of you who’ve never heard,

When my mother insisted I eat Ma Po Dofu,

I not so dutifully replied “ma no food!”


SHAO MAI

I’m so shy

Although my dumplings are worth sumpling

I won’t show you my shao mai

So alone I may chow on a large sum of those dim sum.


OWETRY

I owetry to my reading public to post some serious poetry.

Oh okay praise be that’s not reality!


NYQUIL

When not feeling at all well

With my eyes out of focal

Fearing a sleepless night oh so frightful

I’ll down a cup of Nyquil

and later if still awake and ill drink a sequel

Not dwelling on the fact that typically a drop of alcohol I don’t swill.

NEW JERSEY

Whoever did originate calling New Jersey the Garden State

Certainly did misstate and fabricate

As it would be more appropriate to relegate that name to one of its many trash heaps

and refer to Dumpy Joisey as the Cement, Landfill and Toxic Waste State-

The only problem is that would not fit on a license plate.


CHOCOLATE GROWTH FACTOR

Eating a lot of chocolate

Although most pleasing to the palate

May make one larger than a Quonset hut.


A VERY NICE FRENCH DISH

I like my food herby, chewy, and stewy

So that’s why I enjoy ratatouille.


THE BOOBIES

Binoculared I obsessively voyaged far to view a booby

But no voyeur is me.

Not one but two did I see

-Blue-Footed and Brown-Footed-

When I went out to sea.


SMAIL

With expectations far too high,

Calling it snail mail

Is setting up the Postal Service to fail.

THE DODO

The Dodo is no mo’-

Why,I no know.

WHY FRY A HEALTHY BURRITO?

A chimichanga is a deep fried burrito

That when eaten greasily chimies down your throat

and once in your stomach unhealthily goes changa, changa, changa…


PEANUT BRITTLE

Every bittle of crackly peanut brittle

Makes my teeth grittle a little.

So creative. Love these, although I know nothing about N.J.

Thanks Jana whose name rhymes with banana but I don't think is from Texarkana.

MATZOS

What’s those?

Matzos.

Unleavened bread?

Ya they’re not bad so I suppose to eat them you don’t have to be nutsos.


CHALLAH

Praise be Allah

For whoever invented Challah.


SHAO MAI #2

Since we are from the shao mai state,

I’ll show you my shao mai

if you show me yours

and the winner can buy the fit to be tied loser a mai tai.


BIRDS OF PREY ARE NOT ALL VIEWEED THE SAME

Many people appreciate the eagle

For presenting itself so regal,

While others upon seeing any hawk

Will longingly gawk,

Along with viewing any kite

Typically will elicit “quite a sight.”

As for the buzzard,

Most wish they all would become smothered.


RECIPE FOR CHILAQUILES

Chilaquiles,

Fried tortilla triangles called totopos

Simmered in green or red salsa

Mixed with scrambled eggs

Topped with queso fresco

and sweet fresh crema,

Served with refried beans,

Is a Mexican meal that I‘d quiles for.


PUT A ZIP ON IT!

Instead of swinging from a natural vine,

Not so benignly

Hordes of tourists nowadays form a beeline

To use a zip line

In many a once pristine chasm-

Which is really nothing other than a form of eco-terror-tourism.


CLICK CLICK CLICK

With my camera all I ever do is automatically point and shoot,

Even though it has sundry manual functions with video to boot.

You see, with that multi-options optical device digital,

I don’t have the skill or patience to figital.

FRUITY PARADOX

The Chinese Gooseberry

Is not really a gooseberry,

While, the Kiwi Fruit is really a Chinese Gooseberry.

Thus, while not a “goose,”

They are indeed some kind of berry.

So, if you enjoy eating this fruit,

The name is berry moot.


I GUESS IT WASN"T IN SEASON

A pulpy, mushy watermelon

Is an earthly hell-on.


THE COUGAR

Cougars are secretive, sleek, agile, and stealthy cats,

Who stalk and ambush a variety of prey-

To munch whatever they may.

No matter how much I admire the cougar,

As they are one mystical and mysterious cat,

Although not likely to be an object of their pred-attention,

I really don’t want to be close to where they are.

So, If on a mountain trail, I discover any trace of their scat,

My only reaction is to scat as fast as this hiking cat can.


TIME TO GRAPE UP

People who are experiencing sour grapes,

Often become bent out of shapes.


CARB ON NO CAN COPY

You say tomato, I say potato

You say collared greens, I say pinto beans

You say okra, I say pasta

You say a salad of spinach, I say an ice cream sandwich

You say cauliflower, I say any bread made with wheat flour

You say provolone cheese, I say macaroni and cheese.

You say nectarine, I say rice terrine

You say tomatillo, I say refrito burrito con queso amarillo

You say a couple of prunes, I say a couple cups full of chocolate macaroons

You say assiduously watch your carbs.

I say ridiculously easy to say,

As I am unconcarbably addicted to loaves and loaves of starchy carbs.


PSEUDO SCIENCE IS WAY BEYOND ME

Whenever I hear the word astrology,

With no stars in my eyes,

I can’t help to see,

That it’s fraught with fraudology.

Uncharted and not zodi-whacked,

Whatever my fate will be ,

Is mine and mine alone-oh-golly-gee.


THE ORANGUTAN

Without great ape-ology,

I find the names

Sumatra

Orangutan

Borneo

To be indigenously funny.

Sumatra of fact,

That is where all orangutans

are Borneo.


TRIPE

My gripe about tripe

Is that no matter how it is prepared,

Its taste and texture is offal-ly weird.

If served to me, my stomach can’t adjust,

So hold on a menudo,

I hate its guts!

NOPAL

Nope! Nope Nope!

I won’t eat a single cactus paddle sliver

the thought of which makes me quiver

of that spiny, slimy nopal

Which is no pal of mine.

Nope! Nope! Nope!


THE IGUANA

I guana learn more about the iguana.

So I’m guana go to Guyana.


NOT TO BE RUDE DUDE BUT...

If it’s true that you are what you eat,

And all that you eat is fast food,

If you don’t become unglued

From the drive-thru window or the restaurants’ seats,

Don’t be surprised to conclude,

With a high degree of certitude,

That your belly will continue to quickly protrude

To a much bulkier and unhealthier magnitude.


RELATIFFITY

Depending on one’s perspective,

All things in life are relative,

Although, absolutely,

I wish some of my family members weren’t.


WORDS ABLAZING

After I think a hyberbolical ton,

I write my verses like a scattering Gatling gun.

So, if I have more hits than misses,

I am genuinely stunned.


AN UPSIDE TO EVERYTHING?

People who have a bad nicotine habit

Are being habitually self-destructive,

But if they are proactive,

At least they will have a start on writing their own obit.


TORTILLA PRESS ETIQUETTE

In your humble adobe abode,

If your dinner guests you want to impress

Serve them tortillas fresh from your cast iron press.

However, if you have guests you want to disgust,

From that press just don’t remove the rust.


THE STURGEON

The female beluga sturgeon

Is hunted wide and far,

Only to put its roe

Which is called caviar

Into a small jar,

Costing you a jarring fortune.