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Hi there xmeeosmic,

According to an old joke there’s this advertisement in a magazine:

Learn to Write Novels and Poetry!
Easy-to-understand instructions.
Send $30.

Well, all takers send money to the given address and in return they send you a dictionary with the instructions,
“Some assembly required.”

Your 'there their and they're' offering above is a masterful assembly.

The poor teachers who are in despair have usually inherited students who were not taught the differences in the first place!

As George Orwell might have said ... "Some assembly is more better than others."

Cheers

P S Did you know that there is a word missing in English?

You have Sow, Sew and So. Now if you make a sentence using them you will see what I mean.

The farmer sows his seed, his wife sews her cloth ... and so they both ?

Zesty Lestie sure is the bestie.


THE CENTIPEDE

How do you impede a Centipede?

With so many legs

That begs the question.


TOLEDO

In Toledo, Ohio if you wore a tuxedo you’d be considered a weirdo,

but so would you too if it was a speedo.


SWEET BELL PEPPERS MEXICAN STYLE

As an expatriate living in Mexico

I discovered that sweet bell peppers are “morrons”

and with red, yellow, and orange at one quarter the price that they are north of the border

To not buy a kilo or so for your larder

You’d have to be a real moron.


THE SWALLOWS

Over the pond

the swallows

will acrobatically dive bomber-like fly

shallow shallow shallow

to follow follow follow

the flow flow flow

of flying flying flying insects

until as many of them as possible they swallow swallow swallow…


THE EAGLE

The eagle is perceived as being regal

but not by a fleeing seagull.


(note: poetic license used as there is no species of bird “seagull”

only specific types of gulls)

POPOVERS OR YORKSHIRE PUDDING

Popovers or Yorkshire Pudding?

You’ve got to be kidding

For both I don’t care

As they’re just filled with hot air.


TAMALES AND TRADITIONAL MEXICAN BEVERAGE OF CHOICE

Tamales and ale no sale.

Tamales and soda maybe in South Dakota.

Tamales and wine what a crime.

Tamales and gin that’s pretty grim.

Tamales and a milk shake would generate a head shake.

Tamales and bottled water would only please the bladder.

Tamales and atole (a-to-lay) is the solamente one that would rate an ole’.

BUMPITTY BUMPITTY

For forty minutes while I tried to write verse the bus went bumpitty bumpitty…

No matter if I slumpitty slumped

My rump rumpitty rumped

So while taking my lumps I became grumpitty grumpitty

Thus non-versely my mind was stumpitty stumped

Leaving my note pad empitty empitty

and when I got home I told my wife she laughed twice showing no empathy empathy.


POETREES SAVED

Bless the keys

With so many people now eschewing paper and keyboarding poetry

Think of all the saved poetrees.


THE REASON WHY THIS VERSE IS SO TERSE

The most important component of writing is the thought.

Since I have naught

This is all I’ve got.


OOPS!

I prepared some lovely gourmet canapes

and creatively arranged them on a silver tray

Then in front of the guests I tripped thus to my dismay

Oops those hors d’oeuvres did soeuvre.


ANGST DISCLOSURE

Exposing my flanks I poignantly disclosed my angst.

On Twitter I viciously heard from hundreds of cranks.

Thanks!

I love your poetry. It made me laugh! Thanks for sharing.

BUTTON MUSHROOMS

For button mushrooms I’m a glutton,

So sometimes I crush them

While other times I mush them

Thus making room for more.


MISSISSIPPI

Once in a while it’s nippy

but most of the time it’s drippy

So if you think I’d ever go to Mississippi

Get a grippy-

So there I’ll never be.

Yippee!


NOT A NEWTONIAN THEORY BUT...

The way to defy gravity

Is with tons of levity.


EAT LIKE A BIRD

“Eat like a bird” you say!

Okay, I think I may

As many eat half their weight in food each day.

Love your stuff!

Thanks Jana, Connie, Mona, and Lestie.


COMMAND OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Not only do I think I have command of the English language

I also can make a pretty mean Italian sanduage.


KENTUCKY

Although it’s definitely not ducky

You can say it’s yucky

Yet I’m not that plucky

but having never been to Kentucky

I can consider my self very lucky.


SCHMEARS

For a cream cheese schmear

To prepare you don’t have to provide much care

nor does it require any flair

unless of course it’s lox

because its price is so dear

it costs a lots.


LOU IN HONOLULU

Lou became blue

Because as soon as he got to Honolulu

He developed a lulu of a headache

and for the entire time there not more than a foot could he see

so all achy he never got to view Waikiki

or even eat at a luau

as his head made Lou ow.


PEANUT BUTTER

Me and my Peter Pan complex!

Especially with fruit preserves

Which for those edible spreadable occasions I reserve,

Whether smooth or chunky

-With or without honey-

My waist is spreading as I’m getting real chunky

So in a jif I utter knock off eating so much peanut butter

or I’ll have to skippy many a meal.

Very witty, as usual! I love to see the rhymes. Lestie, thanks for providing this platform.

Hi Connie,

It's great isn't it?

BUT, I did not provide it ... xmeecosmic is to blame! Smart writing that offers regular smiles and PHNS - positive head nodding syndrome.

I don't have this skill - my poetry has to rhyme for it to work for me, keep going xmeecosmic your fans are here and reading...

Cheers