BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Philosophy 30 Day Challenge - Might Change Your Life

I have posted a more detailed article on this matter, but here is a snapshot below

30 Day Challenge

It is all too easy to be caught in our comfort zone and not try to see alternatives to our situation or to be open to new ways of thinking.

I invite you to take this challenge. For the next 30 days, try looking at areas of your life that are causing you distress or problems and try to understand them from a new perspective.

For example, each time something crops up you could ask yourself:

Why is this happening?
What is it trying to tell me?
Has this or something similar happened before?
Why do I keep attracting the same situations?
What thoughts may be contributing to these situations?

Also, when good things are happening ask the same questions so you can keep repeating what is working. "Good' and "bad" things happen all the time and when we keep our mind open to see the 'good' things as well as just focusing on the 'bad' things we can start to gain new meaning on everything that happens to us.

Being mindful of yourself and taking responsibility for all 'good' and 'bad' things that happen allows us to learn and grown from them all instead of perhaps being victims of our perceived circumstances.

Would love to hear from you if you accept this invitation, and share your experiences with us here.

Thank you

I went on a retreat last week - it was lovely and very inspiring/insightful. I had the place to myself for nearly two days then people arrived. It was really interesting to observe the dynamics of strangers sharing a house.

I’m noticing how people don’t fully embrace who and what they are and while on the retreat it seemed really magnified how much we project on to each other.

One lady was complaining she couldn’t sleep because of the energy of some people in the house made her feel vulnerable. There was a time I would have gone into - oh I wonder if it’s me or if I’ve done anything to upset her - and take responsibility for her feeling bad. Instead I could see how when we are being ourselves we provide everyone with an opportunity to learn and to be who they are. She chose to feel the way she did and blamed someone else for it.

Perhaps when we try to be a certain way to please others, we are stopping them getting the valuable gift we could be bringing them instead by being our true self. In the end I believe we are just reflecting back the things that the person doesn’t want to accept in themselves and by not being a true reflection we/they can avoid the gift/challenge it brings.

This is an intriguing topic. I am taking the challenge.
Recently I went on a kind of "retreat" for 2 1/2 weeks (it was a hospital where I get treatment for bipolar disorder). In addition to each person's issues, we also worked together to make a community of 20 or so people who were strangers to each other. One person complained much like the person you mentioned. Many of us took on the burden of each others' feelings, and gave responsibility for our own feelings to others.
When I am not being my true self, I notice that I feel afraid -- that's why I'm hiding -- and the fear turns to anger or resentment. This is a recipe for discomfort, for both me and those around me.

Hello Anita

Thank you for taking the challenge and sharing the above.

It is so interesting to me how we automatically feel the guilt for another persons experience. Those times are also great opportunities to notice our reactions to 'their stuff' and where we go with it - own it or give it back to them.

I love that you are aware of how not being true to yourself affects you and others. That awareness is what carries us out of our repetitive ways of being and thinking. I always use this Byron Katie phrase to help keep me on track - This is happening FOR me not TO me - then I remember that it is a growth opportunity for me rather than feeling like it's personal.

Look forward to hearing your journey through this challenge. I will post my experiences on here too

What a strange day. Today I had another reflection of giving other people power to affect how I see things. Was really interesting to see how the people involved reacted.

I was at work (self employed as a visiting provider) and one of the staff members decided to be a jobs worth and project her beliefs on to us and because of her position within the company no-one questioned her and they were all left feeling like they had done wrong because her stance was very confrontational and accusatory.

The louder people are the more everyone runs around trying to appease them. I questioned her later and she was very dismissive of my comments although I know I had to be in my truth and add another perspective. Not sure I'll get invited there again!

I think that I was given this reflection/experience as an opportunity to speak my truth and stay in my power.

Tracy,
Thank you for sharing your example of speaking your truth. It's an inspiration to see how you changed your perspective and focused on sharing your true self.

I had a difficult day yesterday. I kept getting caught up in a spiral of self-doubt, and it seemed as if I had no control at all. Although the intensity of it was like a wave, sometimes strong and other times almost gone, I felt that it would last forever.

I ended up by taking action based on those feelings about myself, and I felt a lot better afterwards, but I had damaged an important relationship in the process. I want to learn how to deal with those feelings without harming other people.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for sharing.

I am a Life Coach, Meditation/Mindfulness Teacher and CBT practitioner - I can offer some tips and tools to help you with this.

What tends to happen when we feel challenged is that we react rather than respond. When we become more secure in ourselves and focused on our breath we are more able to stay 'in control' I have a few articles listed on this site that you may find helpful

Mindfulness Tips

The Respond Don't React one may help and also the Mindfulness Technique may give you an anchor point.

There are also some articles on there that can guide you through some of the challenges you mentioned.

I think we tend to react and create problems within relationships when we feel out of control and resist what is happening because we prefer if wasn't happening. Is that your experience?

Thanks,

Tracy

Tracy,
That's it exactly! I feel threatened and I lash out -- it's like a reflex. Then later I wish I hadn't. I would like to be able to respond instead of reacting, but at present it all happens so fast that it does feel out of control.

Thank you for the suggestions and info on your website. I look forward to reading more about your life coaching. Does CBT stand for cognitive behavioral therapy?

Thank you!
Anita Aileen

That's good that you can see your pattern. It helps once you are aware to come out of it.

Yes CBT does stand for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - it's great stuff

Tracy

Every day there is an opportunity to change our habits. Today has been insightful too. After spending time with my son and hearing some things I would rather not have heard, I found my initial reaction would have been to defend myself and resist what he was telling me. I know too well from experience that that doesn’t work. I listened and allowed him his say and have spent the rest of the day contemplating his perspective.

Sometimes life brings us things we don’t want to face and our ego reacts very defensively. Although if someone has their opinion anyway our reacting against it is not going to change there view necessarily. It is what you do with the information received - do you own it, challenge it or feel guilt about it? I learnt a lot about myself today through being mindful and observing the feelings that arose in me.

When such times happen I try to do this:

Listen openly to what is being said

See the positives. The person may be bringing me a gift and showing me something that I was not aware of

Be grateful that the person was honest enough to share their perspective with me and their experience of me

Observe how I feel, stay connected to the breath and allow whatever unfolds to be ‘ok'

Try not to react in a defensive and angry manner

Thank the person for their insight

It is up to us then whether we agree with them or disregard their view. Whether it is shared or not, they would still be holding the thoughts, only difference being we would be unaware of them. Sometimes it can be hard to hear what another thinks of us, although when we allow them to have their say in openness, we can accept them more readily.

I realised to that just because they shared with me their view, doesn't mean I have to own it and agree with it, I can just listen, challenge it within and let it go.