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#864842 05/27/14 07:14 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
Way back in May 2011, I posted an item on my newly created blog a piece called "Tribal Instinct", and began it with these two paragraphs: [size:8pt]"Our two grand-daughters (aged ten and seven) are coming to visit in July for three weeks. It will be bliss for us. They’re lovely girls, and a joy to have around. Even if they were horrible kids, I’d put up with them just to have my son here; but they’re not horrible at all. I adore them, and would without hesitation die for them, if I had to. "It is surely some kind of genetic instinct, to love one’s grandchildren – a simple extension of the instinct that makes us protect our own children. Except that in my family’s case, the older girl was inherited. She carries none of my genes, or my son’s. My genetic instinct really should not allow me to love and protect and cherish her as much as her younger sister. Yet it does, and I do. Assuming I’m not deluding myself about that, my loyalty to the older one must not be genetic at all, but tribal."[/size:8pt] I went on to explore (within my 600-word limit!) WHY it was that I felt no special bond to my blood-grandchild. Of course we know several step-families, but one can't really ask the parents, "Do you love your stepkids as much as your 'real' kids?" Now, can you!? My son draws absolutely no distinction between the two girls, as far as I can tell. He has been separated from their mother for seven or eight years, and they were never married; but they share formal custody of both girls. A couple of years ago the inherited one decided to [i]informally[/i] adopt her Dad's (my son's) surname as her own, on her school's register. I'd be interested to know if there is any interest in this topic of step-grandchildren. My own circumstances probably aren't typical, and I'm keen to learn of others'.

Last edited by Gordon Barlow; 05/27/14 07:17 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
[Sorry to block it all together. I tried to make some of the words in a different-size print, but that didn't show up in the published post - and nor did the italics or the paragraphs. There may be a fault in the program. Anyway, sorry!]

Joined: Jul 2014
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My stepson has a three year old boy. he and the mother never married. she moved in with us when she was 10 months pregnant (long story, her mother basically dumped her) The baby lived his first year under our roof and he is as much "my" grandson as he is my husbands, even though there is no genetic tie between us whatsoever. I am his grand mom! end of story I don't think it has anything to do with genetics, it has probably more to do with our parental instinct to love and protect a child, any child. if you had an adopted child, there's no genetic tie, but would you love that child any less than if he/she shared your genes?

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 125
Nice story, 88! We're just back from two weeks with our son and his gang in Scandinavia - the gang being his current girl-friend, his two children (one girl, one boy) by different mothers, and the girl "inherited" from his earlier relationship with her mother. It's this girl who is the "step" - although technically, she's probably not even that! But she's one of the loves of my life, so who cares? In effect, she is an adopted grandchild. I have to say that I wish my son's love-life hadn't been so... adventurous, but we've gotten some wonderful goodies from it all the same!


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