Craig......I understand what you are saying. I was once in a marriage where for years we had very little sex for various reasons. It was like being roommates. That lack of intimacy had a big hand in destroying the marriage completely. I learned some very tough lessons with that experience.
Having been set straight as to the benefits of sex between two people who love each other, I conducted myself differently in my next intimate relationship. It made all the difference in the world in nurturing that relationship as a whole, and also by instilling peace and joy within each person. You are right, love takes action.
I feel for you. I hope you can find fulfillment and happiness, even if it has to be with another partner. Sometimes that is the only answer when you have tried every other avenue.