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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862287
04/22/14 02:34 AM
04/22/14 02:34 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
I had such an awful day!

First when I woke up (for the last time...woke up a few times when in bed and did not sleep much) I just knew it would be a day like day.

All I have basically that is keeping me alive are the Dallas Stars. They have made the playoffs after five years of not making it and I cannot even fully enjoy it and no it has nothing to do with them being down 1-2. In the second period of the first game the next few days on TSN were announced and this is when it all started. They put a game two hours and thirty minutes before the second and third match. For the second match the game before was over but still the stress of this was there since this stupid decision was announced and for the third game tonight the game before was not over so I spent close to an half hour trying to find my game on the internet and this gave me a panic attack where I hit myself (in the head & in the righ thigh) then the game before ended right before mine but they went to an overtime so I caught the start on television and before I had to go back to the computer I saw that on the internet there was a delay so I went there with the delay and when a team scored they replayed that goal over and over and I missed at least a minute until these idiots went to Dallas (it was still in commercials on the internet). It took Benny scoring the first goal to calm me. I almost had another panic attack the seconds I missed (sure nothing like a goal or fight happened then but still THIS SHOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

I don't get it! Why can't I have at least this? I am not a monster. I am not a criminal. Why can't I have at least one thing that gives me joy and have it without any trouble? Is wanting to see every seconds of every games of an Hockey team too much to ask? Should I just become a criminal or a racist to have that (they seem to have wonderful carefree life or at least they get respect!!!!!!)? I really do not get it!

I have said many times the last two years that I do not know why I exist at all and also said many times that I wanted to be dead but seriously today it was the first time I really meant it. If it weren't for the Stars I would of been dead or close to it not too long after Shumi's horrible accident and I cannot even enjoy them anymore (i really did calmed down after the first goal and got into the game and was happy but still it was not like it would of been without all that drama)!

And to top it off lately not only I am having insomnia (had 1 good night of sleep last month...thats it) I am having these terrible nightmares that are leaving me terrified, in one I was even marked and then had an old lady coming right for me.

My parents are having a good time since they see me doing worst and worst, they are really enjoying every seconds of it and they were probably smilling from ear to ear when they were hearing me scream my lungs out downtairs.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862371
04/22/14 09:23 PM
04/22/14 09:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Compared to yesterday my day was better.

I have an hangover from all that stress and anger. Also my parents were very annoying, I had the bad luck to have my breakfast when they were having their diner and I had to go eat in the living room because otherwise I would of explode on them, I let them know (without any words but it was obvious and they understood) but of course their lives have been since about one year aftre moving to destroy me so they did not care, I probably let them win when I went eating in the living room but I think this was better than to become violent.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862457
04/23/14 11:14 PM
04/23/14 11:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
A little (just a little) lower today.

My parents were driving me crazy almost all day and I am still trying to get over Monday plus I have low energy and still suffer from insomnia.

I took a small nap this afternoon and when I started it my parents were gone but when they came back my dad was acting like a lunatic so I had to get up. My mom this morning was a complete witch so I decided to ignore her until she changed her attitude.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862538
04/24/14 09:22 PM
04/24/14 09:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Low stress day for me.

My parents were annoying and I had more stress from other sources but I am so tired that it did not affect me. The insomnia started so long ago that now I am barely functional, if it continues like that I think I will have to go buy sleep pills (never done that since when i have insomnia it never is that long). I have taken a few naps but only because I have Hockey games, tomorrow I'll try to take my walk (i have almost did not walked a few days because of me being tired but did not gave up on that..started walking on march 29 and so far theres been 1 per day) before my Tennis match so that my nap tomorrow is bigger (Dallas are in Anaheim so its a 22:30 start).

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862610
04/26/14 01:55 AM
04/26/14 01:55 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Higher stress for me. My parents got to me today. I am still suffering from insomnia, Ralfie lost in Barcelona so I can get up when I want to tomorrow, hopefully a longer time in bed will help me sleep (the previous weeks that has not help at all).

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862656
04/26/14 07:03 PM
04/26/14 07:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Jilly Offline
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Posts: 14,392
Verde Valley, AZ
Rather out of it today. Was an exhausting week. I need down time today.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862667
04/27/14 02:25 AM
04/27/14 02:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
My stress level was lower today but I'm still having insomnia.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862713
04/28/14 01:30 AM
04/28/14 01:30 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Tonight I reached the limit. I just cannot take it anymore. Unless something extraordinary happens to me and soon I will have to do something extreme.

Every seconds of every games of the Dallas Stars, that is all I want in life, all that is keeping me alive and when they entered the playoffs after not making it for five seasons it was taken away from me. The tiny amount of life, hope, dreams and energy left in me just disappeared tonight before their last game of the season started.

If my parents do not wake up and make what they did to me since I have been born right or if I cannot get out and move as far away from them without any more contact from them both I will have to end my life.

I just cannot take it anymore.

I only exist to suffer and to be a punching bag for my parents, this is no way to live, I could take it when I had the joy of seeing the Dallas Stars but that was taken away from me, I am sure that every of their 82 games I will have that dark cloud over my head every game day thinking that if they make the playoffs, if I can see all of their regular games, it will be the same as this season, no joy and only stress because of not being able to see them or being able to see them but having that scare before.

Being able to see every seconds of every games of the Dallas Stars; apparently it is either too much to ask or I do not deserve it.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862714
04/28/14 01:33 AM
04/28/14 01:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Nancy Roussy  Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Tonight I reached the limit. I just cannot take it anymore. Unless something extraordinary happens to me and soon I will have to do something extreme.

Every seconds of every games of the Dallas Stars, that is all I want in life, all that is keeping me alive and when they entered the playoffs after not making it for five seasons it was taken away from me. The tiny amount of life, hope, dreams and energy left in me just disappeared tonight before their last game of the season started.

If my parents do not wake up and make what they did to me since I have been born right or if I cannot get out and move as far away from them without any more contact from them both I will have to end my life.

I just cannot take it anymore.

I only exist to suffer and to be a punching bag for my parents, this is no way to live, I could take it when I had the joy of seeing the Dallas Stars but that was taken away from me, I am sure that every of their 82 games I will have that dark cloud over my head every game day thinking that if they make the playoffs, if I can see all of their regular games, it will be the same as this season, no joy and only stress because of not being able to see them or being able to see them but having that scare before.

Being able to see every seconds of every games of the Dallas Stars; apparently it is either too much to ask or I do not deserve it.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #862788
04/29/14 02:03 AM
04/29/14 02:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
N
Nancy Roussy Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Nancy Roussy  Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
I'll start with an apology for the double post, this was not like that last night (i did have lots of problem here though...that figured since that post was very personal and hard to write)!

Today was just like I thought it would be, my parents completely ignoring my meltdown last night (they both heard me say that i would soon kill myself....i even said aloud the best way to do it for me [eat nuts and just to make sure add poison on them] them ignoring it is nothing surprising....thats what they do ignore so it never happens + they just do not care) if it would not have anything to do with the Dallas Stars they would of been extremely happy today and rubbing it in my face but with that subject and a few others they never do that because they know it is close to my heart and that this is where they cannot mess with me.

As for me I have zero energy and since yesterday I am basically a zombie.

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