BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Finally home

I was released from the hospital last night, finally. I know my friend Kate let you know what happened, but basically, 4 days ago my ex-partner showed up at my door. I had changed my phone numbers and she'd been trying to call. She said I was coming with her, and she tried to force me out of the house, twisting my wrist in the process. I kicked her in the shin trying to get away. She hit me in the face with the back of her hand, which knocked me down, and the rest is kind of a blur. I just remember that she suddenly stopped kicking me and pulled me onto the couch. She put her face down in front of mine, and told me that she would be back no matter what happened. Then she was gone. Thank God Kate and her husband showed up. I'm scared. I know that my ex is in jail, but I can feel her all around me. I've been having anxiety attacks. But I'm also dealing with a lot of anger. Any sense of security I once had is gone. I haven't given up--I have hope that one day I will feel safe again, but it seems so far off right now. The job I was supposed to start is out because it requires lifting and I can't do that now. I missed a trip to Spokane--which may be petty considering everything else, but it's something I was really looking forward to, and she took it from me. The doctors have diagnosed me with malnutrition. They said my body isn't absorbing nutrients and they don't know why. More tests. I'm just done. The social worker at the hospital said the anger is normal, a good thing, even, as long as I use it to propel myself forward. So that is what I'm going to try to do.

I'm so sorry. But they are right. Continue forward just like you were doing. You will get past this. Did you ever get a restraining order against her?

Yes, I had one in Oregon and one in Montana. She is still on probation in Oregon.

And you are located where right now? Sorry if I missed that in previous posts but there were no past pages for me to go back to. Are you ok?

I am in Montana. If you mean ok, as in safe, yes. I'm back at my dad's house, and he's here with me. I am probably going to make arrangements to stay somewhere else though. I don't want her to know where I am, even if she is behind bars, and my dad works 50 hours a week so I'm here alone a lot. I can't drive right now, either, so the thought of being here alone makes me really uneasy.

I understand your feelings!

The restraining orders can be made long term. Normally, in my experience they initially are for about a couple of months or so...but you can go back to the court and have them extended.. Especially in light of what just happened with her.

And, wherever you move make sure you go to the local police department in that area with all of this paperwork that you possess...telling them what has happened thus far. That way, when you call them, they will already know your situation. Domestic violence is serious with the police. It doesn't matter where you live. They will be there for you!

Put the local P.D. number on speed dial on your cell if you have one. Or keep it in your wallet or purse!

In the meantime, try to eat regularly, even if it's little nutritional snacks. Build up your strength. You will be able to fight this if you have some food for thought!

Big hugs!

Thank you, Allyson. I will make sure I do that when I move. My friend Kate brought me over a bunch of meal replacement powder. Garden For Life Raw Meal. She swears by it. I have a milk allergy so I can't do regular nutritional snacks or shakes. She said to have at least two meal replacements a day plus meals. So, I'm drinking the stuff. It's not too bad, actually.

Faith, sweetie, I am so glad you're okay! Allyson gave you spot-on advice about fixing your health first and then starting to tackle everything else. One thing at a time. Whenever your health is compromised and you feel physically bad, your entire viewpoint and mental state will be compromised as well and everything will seem hopeless to you. But things are not hopeless and you're doing really well to keep fighting for a good life without your ex. And it sounds like you have great supportive people in your dad and your friend Kate. Things will get better, and sooner than you might think. Blessings, Ro

I'm kind of skimming through posts as best I can - we seem to have a lot in common, actually.

The anger IS normal though and honestly it's better to get it out than hold it in. I cry to get mine out, same thing w/Anxiety. That's just my M.O. It's not sad tears, more - overwhelming things set it off. Also, the scars!! The emotional scars can take years if ever to work through, BUT in my case, though they're there, they led me to a healthy partner. So, they're kind of like "Triggers" I can now sense a disingenuous person w/in 30 secs.

The restraining order? Just make absolute certain it's up to date! Even if it's not, get a new one. I was exhausted myself going through it and was SO, just everything in my body was spent AND I had a child to protect.

I had to get to a point where, WHEN I had the energy - I would pre-make little pieces of carrot, celery, brocolli, tiny pieces of meats or cheese (I too am lactose intolerant). Even wheat crackers by the bed to keep my strength up.

I can empathize...I still have scars - like things set this panic off, loud noises, a bad person, crowds and the head injury seems to have just enhanced the "sensitivity" so I'm picking up other things as well (great fun..) .

Allyson, has some really good advice as well as Rolong Wicca.

One of the other things I wanted to relay is their words, the abuser, can really put that obstacle in there. It's a tool they use, basically to make you defenseless. They become more and more especially when you start to get a backbone.

At that point it can get tricky. You have to outsmart them AND know - 100% positive, keep telling yourself, it's an illusion. You were not, sweetie, put on this Earth to be someone's punching bag.

Lock everything! If you CAN and have a place to go, I would move. NEVER answer that door. Have a view so you can see who's out there and you might consider a pet. They can sense a prowler before you do. Me? I have something like a "watch-Cat" and she's right every time.

Try also not to rely only on the powders and drink thingies. Even if it's one of those baby carrot bags and you eat or nibble on just one when you can - try to get something in there, even if your not the least bit hungry.

We're thinking of you. Just know that you have support. I had none, back when I was going through mine, and these people would have made all the difference! I just hadn't found them at that point.

If this person shows up again, you call the police while they're out there and have 911 on speed dial and a cell, lock yourself in a closet if you have to until they get there. They'll have to break in and there's more evidence.

I have to say that Elleise touched on something that I agree with. We never had this kind of forum, let alone anyone to talk to and get things out in the open. We were all alone and had to TRY and handle it on our own. I was always afraid to tell my family, because it was just too darn embarrasing and emotional and therefore it took much longer to find solutions and/or do something about it.

We all care about you..even though we don't really know you personally, but that doesn't matter. We know how this feels.

Now, go and eat some carrot or banana chips! lol...big hugs!