BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence am I crazy?

2 week ago I left my abuser. Yesterday I filed a protective order. I am awaiting serving and then hearing. As I sat in the waiting room awaiting signing of papers I felt like someone had just told me my abuser had been killed. It felt like a part of my heart had just been ripped out I realized I still love him. Then I realized deep down that I miss him and how the next 2 yrs kept of my life I was going to be without him. How can you miss your abuser, how can you still love your abuser. I should want nothing to do with him but yet I miss him. I feel like I've gone crazy. Is it crazy, is it normal?

I think it is normal to miss a person that you one time loved. After all, he did not abuse you in the beginning when you first fell in love with him. You cannot just turn off your heart. You just have to tell yourself that this is NOT the same person you fell in love with. That is the person you want nothing to do with. If the caring man was the real him, then you would still be together, but unfortunately he is not.

Take time to grieve, but don't let yourself be pulled back into the situation.

Chelle put it perfectly. I agree with her advice 100%. Your grief is intense right now, but time passing will heal it. Be strong, and be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself go back to a man who is not the right person for you.

Well, when I first posted I was in a DV shelter and some of the stories I heard "were not like mine".....I thought they were worse off!!! Forward months later and had returned, he picked me up from the DV shelter when my time was over. One night, he threw me into a dresser, tried to choke me and threatened to "slit me from here to here" if I called the cops. Went back into DV shelter, pressed charges and we have spoken(barely). He denies it ever happened. I had stronger feelings in the beginning and ALOT of anger. The feelings are lessening over time. I realized more he will ALWAYS be the same and lives in a different world(in his mind) than I do....Best wishes...How do u just STOP loving a person?????

You can't "just stop", it takes time for those feelings to go away. It is just like mourning for a partner who has died. To you the person you loved has died, and been replaced by the terror that now lives in his place.

Eventually your feelings will dull, but you may always have a small regret for "what could have been". Just remember that it was not your fault, but his.

Hi Diary of Abuse. How are you? I do hope you are doing just fine. I know how it feels like missing someone terribly. After all the abuses and bruises, you just have that feeling that you still want to go back to the person whom you had loved. But, I absolutely agree with everything Chelle has said. Yes, it is very normal to miss someone who once was a big part of your life. Even if that person did bad things to you, you just can't deny the fact that love is strong enough to forgive and miss that person terribly. However, you need to stay strong to cope with the loss. Take all the time you need to grieve and after that, after all the pain subsides, I'm pretty sure you will be able to move on. As you go on with your life, I know you will meet someone who can love you unconditionally without hurting you physically. Smile and know that everything is going to be alright. All the best :)!

I feel if you've found yourself in-love with a person, BUT haven't experienced the support, in a means (not speaking of financial...more supportive) that helps the Soul inside of you grow, there are a couple ways to look at it.

One, might feel like you'll never find love again.

But there's always something to gain, even from some of the most painful experiences.

With something like this, what I would take from it, like filtering out spaghetti noodles in a sieve...but I'd take the fact that I AM ABLE TO LOVE!

If you know how to do that, this person came along before you felt what you did and another will come along because you know how TO love, instead of hardened inside