BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Do Not Complain for 1 Month

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 2 -

It's been a while since I've updated my Do Not Complain project. In general I have gotten much more aware about when I start to feel cranky. I can take a deep breath and a step back. I find that helps immensely. I can put issues into perspective and find a way to deal with the issue in a constructive manner.

There are of course still times that I fail to watch for the approach of crankiness, and fall over the edge into crankiness . I still strive not to take it out on others, but there are times that it leaks out.

I find my photo-a-day project helps a lot. It keeps me aware of the beauty all around us and how each day is precious. Working on projects with daily progress helps too. I always have a sense that at least something is moving forward, even if other things are facing hurdles.

How are you guys doing in this new year?

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 3 -
A good example of the process I go through. Last night (well, technically, this morning) I was curling up in bed with Bob on one side and Juliet the cat on the other. Both began snoring . Part of me thought, "really? I'm sleepy." But then I gave it thought. Both are in good health. We are a contented family. Would I prefer that one or both were not there?

So I gave each of them a warm hug and appreciated that they were there with me, however that happened to be. And they both stopped snoring! And life was blissful .

I just woke up, Bob is serenading me with lovely guitar music, and I'm having my morning shake. Life is lovely.

To Lisa,

Great post.As I can see you were enjoying the present moment fully.Good to read

loong

Loong -

Thank you very much. I think the more we can find balance in our world, the better!

Do Not Complain Reboot 30 Day 9 -

I found myself starting to get cranky today and thought about it. I realized two things were involved. First, I was quite hungry but kept putting off getting food so I could plow through my work load. Clearly that wasn't a good plan . So I took a break mid-project to get a nice salad and a glass of wine.

Second, I have TweetDeck running continuously on my PC so I can glance over occasionally and see what news is active in my feed. That lets me then forward interesting studies on health, news on ebook publishing, or so on. Usually this is a wonderful way to easily keep a quick eye on my areas of interest, by following certain hashtags.

I want to phrase this part not as a complaint . Someone I follow enjoys swear words. They use them fairly frequently in tweets and often with unflattering intentions toward others. When I see those posts my serenity is reduced. If there's a flurry of them in a row, it can wear at me. I use that area of my life to uplift and help others, so it impacts my mood.

I tried for quite a while to try to see them differently. To accept that we're all unique and on different paths. But today, at last, I decided that this just wasn't healthy for me. Yes, she can be on her own path, and that's great! At the same time, I need to best bolster my own path. I'm just juggling so much right now that I need to make my environment best supports me in that.

So I wrote her a (hopefully) gentle note explaining that I did still like her immensely, and her posts are undoubtedly great for others, but they just can't be in my feed any more. It's interesting in our modern world that "unfollowing" or "defriending" can be such a traumatic experience.

But I know for me it's the right choice.

Have you had to do that?

Do Not Complain Reboot 31 Day 2 -

Ooops, food did it to me yet again. I compiled a slow cook recipe book which then had me craving corned beef. Bob went out and got all the stuff, even though it was out of season, and we even bought a new slow cooker too. He went through a fair amount of effort to cook it all. The smells were wafting through the house for hours.

So I'm starving for it and finally I get it on my plate ... and it's tough, pink, and salty. My desire is totally falling apart, dissolving in the mouth, and grey. So, in my brain-addled starvation state, I became fairly petulant . Which wasn't quite fair to him. He went to three different stores looking for supplies and this brand was the only one available.

Now I start fresh, and once again I'm reminded not to let myself get to starvation or to get too obsessed with a specific outcome .

How are you guys doing? It's a fun project to try!

Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 2 -

It was the mess that did me in this time. It seems to be either the mess or food that will get to me. Fri was a long day already, and a CraigsList person had decided he'd come out Sat at noon to pick up an old receiver we were selling. And the house was a complete mess. So, 2am, I'm trying to plow through quite a lot of mess just to get the living room and kitchen presentable. And I got a bit cranky .

It frustrates me that the house gets to a state that we can't even have people in just those two rooms without an extensive cleaning. But I'm unwilling to take time away from my already mountainous pile of projects in order to clean it. And Bob doesn't like strangers in the house.

I guess what we need is a friend who will come in and handle the dishes and counters and such. And then we need to be more diligent about not using these areas as storage locations for months and months.

I admit that the kitchen table is completely covered with all my watercoloring supplies right now, especially as I'm working on a cool "palette" art contest where I have to turn a large wooden palette into a unique work of art. It has to be done by Feb 25th so I have 10 days left on that. Today I'm doing some experiments with folding vellum into origami.

Are you guys attempting mindfulness about complaints?

Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 4 -

My life isn't always stress-free . What I aim for, though, is to deal with those stressors in a way that preserves my health.

My stepfather is giving me much of his old stereo equipment which I'm then selling on CraigsList. It's been going smoothly in general, with lots of happy recipients. Then I encountered P. After various back-and-forth he arrived at noon on Sunday morning, the morning after Bob's gig. So Bob and I were both exhausted but we woke to meet P's requirements. We had the receiver set up, demonstrated it, and answered all his questions. He haggled with us even though it was exactly what we described. I admit I'm just not happy haggling. But we gave in and dropped the price, and even found him a sturdy box to take it in.

This morning I wake up to a hostile email from P where he's swearing at me, denigrating me, and stating that the "stereo mode doesn't work".

Bob thinks he simply doesn't understand the function of the "stereo" light, which comes on if a FM station is being received in stereo. That would not light up during normal CD or other play.

My dual aims are to preserve my own health, by not allowing stress to be created in me, and also not to spread stress in others. So I took in deep breaths and did some yoga .

And then I wrote P, first stating that I would not allow abusive language to be used. This is a business transaction and as adults we should be able to manage this professionally. I then explained the probable situation and said we'd take it back if he wanted. (Heck, this would be good for us, since there are other people who wanted it and who would pay full price for it as is.) I told him the only real hurdle to us taking it back at this point is that, given the hostility of his message, I wasn't sure I wanted him in the house again.

Maybe this will have him consider the language he used - especially if it turns out he was misinterpreting how the stereo is supposed to properly work. It did preserve my own stress levels and health. If he chooses to remain hostile going forward, then that is his choice as an adult and I'll simply cease communications. I cannot change others. I can only model the behavior I believe in and ensure the atmosphere I live in supports me.

Yelling at him wouldn't have helped - it would have riled stress in me and spread stress to him, too. It wouldn't be likely to create a more positive outcome. For me, the best solution all around is to handle the transaction like adults, to maintain my own calm, and if he chooses not to engage in a like manner, to move on to someone else who will.

Lisa, I also use deep breathing to combat stress. Then I do some aerobic activity. Just a change of scene can get my mind off the stressful situation.

Susan

Lisa, that's an excellent example of how using mindfulness based practices (in your case breathing and yoga) can shift us into a place where we can really think about the best way to respond, as opposed to just reacting.

It's interesting this month both Nightline anchor Dan Harris and hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons released books on meditation, and how it has benefited them in their careers (and lives overall, but they both emphasize career.) In both cases it really came down to stress management, and being able to let go of an initial emotional reaction to a challenge or obstacle, so that they could then respond in an intelligent, peaceful manner.