Great suggestions, Shirley. I have done many things in the course of my grief to deal with my feelings of pain and loss.
I started a journal on my boyfriend's behalf, writing down things about him I wanted to remember, and also what I was feeling at any given time. Then it progressed into a more personal journal with the entries being letters that I write to him to tell him that I love and miss him, and to let him know what I am feeling. I even share things with him like I would if he were here to have a conversation with me. I still do this a year and a half after his passing, having filled one book and gone on to a second. The entries have become more infrequent as time goes on, evidence that I am moving through my grief.
I have pictures of him visible in two different places. One place is in the livingroom where I spend a lot of time. I have at times lit candles by his picture at night, often every night for several nights. I also have a collection of some of my favorite pictures of him on my dresser in the bedroom. I can see him and greet him every morning and also I can look at him just before going to bed. It has been a comfort to me, like he is still close, lessening the pain a bit even through the tears.
I have listened to music that reminds me of him. I have also listened to music that just I like, just he likes, or music we enjoyed together.
I had his first name professionally carved on a concrete paver stone from his yard that used to be part of a patio at his home when he was a kid. The patio is gone but the stone paver remains, and now the stone with his name on it sits in the landscaped garden we designed together. It is out there during the warmer months and I bring the stone indoors to enjoy during the winter. The solidness of it makes me feel like he is still solid in my life. Gone from here, but still close because love never dies.
I have placed roses at his grave. When spring came this year I planted flowers all the way around his headstone.
I talk to him like he is right near me whenever I want to when I am alone. In his home where I still live, in his car that I drive, or even when I am outside.
I visited a medium/clairvoyant a year after his passing. My boyfriend came through loud and clear, like I asked him to do before I got there. He does hear me, and things were revealed in the session that only he and I could know about. That session was a comfort, and very instrumental in moving me forward in my healing.
All of these things combined have helped me deal with the grief of losing him, and has helped me to heal and move on. It takes time to go through the process, but I am making good progress.
