BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence So depressed & can't stop crying...

I cant stop crying after everything i have been put through by the man i love. he has just been released from prison silly foolish me believed from the phone calls prison had changed him for the better so i went and met him from prison he came back home, spent 2days with him have realised things still seem the same so my family relative tipped off the police he was breeching his conditions to b near me and they have just taken him :'( i no i shouldnt b hurting and crying my heart out and i really need to talk to people on here who have actually been through this themselves because all my relative keeps saying is oh stop crying, putting him down and saying she wouldnt get in this predicament etc. this isnt helping at all because none of us choose to be in this situation.. please help me get through this

I can be of no help in this situation. When mine went to jail, i was glad he was in jail paying for what he did to me. I had the biggest sense of relief that he was gone. it was like a hug weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. He was in for 15 days. I was finally free. I slept like a baby the nights he was in jail. The kids and I were so happy those days. I went places without having to tell someone where I was going and I didn't have someone screaming at me when I came home because i was gone to long or that i had went out at all. It was heaven for me. I never let him come back because I relized how happy i was without him. He tried to get me back again and again but I never let it get to me. Jail did not change mine either. Infact, I think it had made him worse but I didn't care that he was hurting because 4 years I suffered at his hand. He deserved all those days and the misery it has brought to him. I am sorry I can't have sympathy for your situation. I think you need to take this time and really evaluate your situation without his influence and abuse.

StillBreathingx. It's time to sit down and do some deep reflecting.

There is heartache for you because you still love this man. Whether or not you should is not the question. You love him. Love is hard to let go of, even if he doesn't deserve it or he beats you senseless. Women like Jeanette are fortunate in that they have enough self-esteem to recognize that they are deserve better treatment from the person they love. Thank goodness she is strong and she stood up for herself and her very lucky children.

I'm not going to get into all the abuse stuff and the psychology that makes women stay with abusers. I highly encourage you to visit the Mental Health forum here because Dr. Hershey can provide you with resources and help in that area. Don't be put off by the "mental health" label because we need to address the health of our mind that gets overwhelmed by our life challenges and emotions.

I would like you to take a look at the "love" you say you have for this man. More in the next post because I tend to go long and it gets hard on the eyes.

Everyone deserves love. But not everyone is capable of giving or receiving it due to any number of reasons. Not everyone is capable of sustaining a healthy love relationship.

People are fixable. But again, not everyone can be fixed. Sometimes, they don't believe they need fixing while other times, the fix is too hard and long in the making. And in many cases, people are never completely fixed and have to learn how to cope with their issues.

Your crying is natural since you are mourning the loss of what you wished. You had hopes that he had changed and he didn't. The disappointment and disillusionment will spark tears for sure.

You must understand that you are loving the man that you want to see, not the man he is. Women can choose to stay with their abusers but they are in for a sad and hard (and maybe lethal) life. Is this what you are choosing? Are you choosing to hold onto false hope that he will change and you can live a happy life? It will never happen. Can you live with that?

It is okay to cry to mourn the end of a relationship but realize that you cry for your own lost hopes and dreams that a life with this man could never provide. You don't know the real man who is jaded and broken so badly that he uses love but doesn't understand it. A man like this will continue to spiral downward and will take you down with him.

Kind-hearted, compassionate women feel sorry for a man like this, thinking only their love can save him. That this man is just misunderstood and only they can understand him. Perhaps, these women also feel broken in some way so they empathize ("I'm broken too.") Saving this man makes them feel good about themselves. They want to be a savior, a saint.

All too common, my dear, and you may be a saint but you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Put your worries and concerns about this man to rest. Know that he will be watched over by God and all his divine helpers. You needn't put yourself in harms' way for this man. He will be okay in his own time.

Please focus on your new future. Your true love is waiting.

You poor thing! Hugs. It's horrible to be dependent on the help of people who don't understand, and just criticize. You need support while your heart is breaking! It's okay to cry. It lets out all the pain. But you can't do it 24/7 or you'll be wrecked. And the people around you wear out. Get outside and have some fresh air and sunshine or go somewhere that give you a break from the sadness every day or two. You could call a helpline or see a counsellor too, it helps to pour it all out! Or write a diary... I hope you find something that works for you... be kind to yourself! You'll get through. xo

When you love someone, often no matter what they do we tend to give endless chances, hope that things will get better, have the fantasy/belief they have (say during a "Honeymoon" cycle) or are not quite as bad as someone stepping over your body.

Though intelligently you know better, there's a lot of internal conversations going on, fear of the unknown, and by this time usually some pretty low self-esteem. you hate yourself for allowing the situation in the first place.

Even though you know there's pain, it's a a pain you're familiar with.

For me, I had to keep a box with all the police reports, diary, photos of a wall or windshield he'd punch, etc. so when I started to feel/hear that "possibility-of-hope" voice, right in front of me would be concrete evidence, facts, of what this person was really all about.

Even with abuse I remember the good times also and why I miss my bestfriend. I'm angry at him for ruining what we had. I'm upset at myself for calling the police, but I refuse to allow a man to beat on me. I've now lost my friend/lover and since last saturday I have done nothing but cry. I understand what you're feeling, you still love him.