BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence broken spirit...

I had been with a man for four years, never lived together, but dating exclusively. He is a severe alcoholic and controlling but yet could be the nicest man on the planet. In feb. he bought me a new car, I refused it. My family/friends thought I was insane because they all liked him but I knew it was just another way for him to control me. Money means nothing to him, he "has" money. I guess this bruised his eggo. I feel he only bought me the car because he can't drive (eye issues) and it would be his way to hold something more over my head. Long story short, I have a vehicle that runs fine. Anyways this started a downward spiral because he loss $9,000 returning the car. We broke up for a while but I ran into him last saturday ngt. He was drunk and wanted me to go home with him, I said "no". Bouncers asked him to leave because he was passing out and he kept falling. I told them to get him in my truck and I would drive him home (5 minute ride). We pulled out and he destroyed the inside of my truck, punched me in the ribs and face over and over. Needless to say, I called the cops. Now everything has spiraled out of control and because he has money he has a lawyer. Restraining orders have been filed by both of us. He claims I "ran him down" with my truck. I'm not worried cuz even the police know that is a lie. He spent 1 ngt in jail and is now "missing". His neighbor called me concerned because noone has seen, nor heard from him, since monday. I do love him with everything I have and I don't want to be forced to go through with this restraining order. I cry all the time, I've missed worked, and I can't function. I didn't mean for this to go this far but I was scared saturday ngt when I called the cops. Now I don't know what to do. I can't contact him because of the temp restraining order and I know when I see him in court I'll start crying. My friends don't help because everyone says "good, he deserves the charges" or "stay away from him". I love him and in four years he had never been this way. I just don't know what to do. My heart hurts.

Hey sweetie, I don't know why no-one's replied to your post! It's so hard to go through a break-up, so confusing. I'm splitting up with my husband of 12 years at the moment, and one minute I'm trying to work out how we could get back together and the next I'm running away as fast as I can and then I'm trying to get closer again. It's so difficult. I read recently that a breakup is like getting a tooth pulled out... it hurts a lot and it leaves a gap afterwards... you notice what's missing maybe a hundred times a day to start with... then you notice it less and less... sometimes you wish you still had it, but then you remember the pain it caused you when it went rotten... Just trust yourself through all this anyway, you know better than all your friends and family, just use their support to make the best decisions you can. You'll be okay. xo

It will be one of the hardest things you ever do.....but you need to rid him out od your life.....hes toxic to you. I know you think you love him, believe me...I was in the same boat I even lived with the guy.....but trust me when I say that you will love your life so much more when you dont have an abuser in it. I still have things I need to work on myself....but its so much better! I hope you get through this ok

Stop blaming yourself for the things he has done to you. "Nothing changes if nothing changes". Sometimes we dont see the things are family and friends see. They only want the best for you im sure. Give yourself some time apart from him. Love you more than him. Dont feel sorry for someone else, feel sorry for yourself. I know the feeling of loving someone who is so bad for you. Thinking that if you stay you wont survive or if you go you wont survive. I left, and im still alive. Be good to yourself!!