BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Anyone stay with a changed abuser?

I don't have time to post my whole story but I was wondering if anyone has experienced someone who has radically changed and stayed with him? How did you feel and what did or do you feel toward him? Do you still love him? Are there any books or sites that I can read that deal with these feelings? Thanks!

I have not experienced that in my own realationships, but my dad was extremly abusive when i was growing up and he is not that person anymore. My parents are married 41 years. They did attend counseling, but my mom indored alot of b.s. He had a child out of wed lock,he was abusive and cheated more than once. Also, he was unapproachable for years. So, I could NEVER understood why she stuck around, BUT.....things have sooooo changed.

I will never stay with an abuser just like I will never choose an abuser as a partner. And it is not true that people change (when it has to do with crimes), to be able to change means that you realised that you did something wrong and to do that you have to have a conscience because in cases like that you have remorse and you cannot abuse someone who is innocent when you have a conscience so you cannot change either (even if people could change it still do not change what they did so they will always remain wortless).

OK...OK Nancy....why r u on this forum???? w/your"NEVERS"....there r quite a few things i said I would NEVER do also, but life and cicumstances happen...it almost appears like u are judging. Women come on here for incite and help. They were all little girls oneday w/a "fairy tail" dream and thought they would "never" enconture an abuser. Unfortantly, everyone is not built or born w/appropiate parents and/or life skills to recognize when they are being manilpulated or given the "red flags". I hope you the best, but be conscience of how your comments appear. :)

snowflake75 asked a question and I answered it, that is why I am here! My parents are far from perfect (the only thing that they gave me is a roof over my head and clothes and food...the rest like talking to me and giving me love and support and protection i NEVER HAVE HAD FROM ANYONE), I have low self-esteem (actually i have NONE) and I hate myself so using these things as an excuse for anything does not work. I also had one man trying to manipulate me and it was the first man who have ever shown me attention and with that and me being completely over the moon about it and in love I realise before he got me what he was doing and he never had a chance to hurt me, I even acted like what he was doing was working until I figured out something to hurt him and it worked.

Nancy, I am NOT trying to be offense to anyone.....I have enough of that in my life!!! Its just that women on this site are ALREADy fragile and I was not sure where u were coming from. I apologize if I made u angery. NOt my intention. I wish you the best.

You did not make me angry, it takes a lot more to make me angry and you would know it if I would be angry. That post was in the most recent post when I came here and I thought that question was interesting so I clicked on it and gave my opinion, that's all. I won't say that I am sorry for my posts so if someone is offended by any of it it's their problem. Now if I become mean and a bully then it will be different but that'll never happen because I am not like that, I know how it's like to be treated this way so I decided to not be like that and not be around that.

I don't have any feelings anymore. I am angry. I've told him I don't love him anymore. He's upset because I don't show him any affection. I have never been affectionate and he is very affectionate but now he says I won't even accept affection. It didn't bother him that much before until he realized how I felt.

Snowflake75.....if you are angry, the feelings are gone, and you don't love him anymore, then it is time for you to move on and do what is best for you. I believe some people can change and some never will. The things is, you must always do what feels right for you. Evidently the damage is already done and you are done with it. Stick up for yourself and move on.

Are you certain you have no feelings?

Could it possibly be you're still working through it all?

Maybe so hurt/angry (self-preservation-mode...you know) numbed yourself basically to put one foot in front of the other, just to get by?