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Not sure but he is #787371
10/11/12 11:37 AM
10/11/12 11:37 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
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bayuti Offline OP
Newbie
bayuti  Offline OP
Newbie
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
I'm not sure I want kids, my entire life I've said "No, I will never have kids!" My fiance told me he did not want kids.. but now he does. I love him to death but I feel like we are going to keep fighting over this until one of us changes but that seems unhealthy. People really shouldn't compromise when it comes to this kind of thing. I'm terrified. We are on the verge of breaking up and I don't want to leave him! I have no idea what to do and neither does he. Please help me. I'm panicking.

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Re: Not sure but he is [Re: bayuti] #787643
10/13/12 02:38 PM
10/13/12 02:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
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Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
Do not get married until this issue is resolved and you are both in agreement. If anything is a deal breaker, it is the issue of having children. Get professional counseling if you need to in order to sort out your feelings, but in the end if you and your fiance differ in your needs and wants out of life then you will have to part ways.

Take it from me, who had to throw a 16 year marriage (19 year relationship) into the trash because my husband waffled around in his decision to have kids. He wanted them deep down, I did not, and eventually it broke up the marriage.


Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
Spirituality Forum Moderator
Re: Not sure but he is [Re: bayuti] #788021
10/16/12 11:55 AM
10/16/12 11:55 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 197
Rhodes Greece
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Gaynor8002 Offline
Jellyfish
Gaynor8002  Offline
Jellyfish
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 197
Rhodes Greece
Hi Bayuti, it's a tough one isn't it.

First thing stop panicking. whatever decision you make should be done calmly and well thought out.
What you need to do next is think all the ins and outs thoroughly. ie;

who will mainly look after the child ?
how will it affect your/ his working life ?
do you have friends / family, who will / can help out ?
examine your feelings deeply regarding a child of your own. imagine yourself having a child, and what comes to mind ? if it's just fear, well that's natural. if you REALLY don't want a child, then examine why,and what impact it will have on your relationship....

And all the other things I've missed out that you can think of.
Then. and only then, go to your fiance and have a good long chat about it - everything, your fears , doubts, hopes....

Then I think you'll be in a good place to make a sound judgement, and will not regret whichever path you choose, because you can say hand on heart you did everything you could to make the right decision.
Good luck ! whatever you choose those around you, who love you will be there for you.

Re: Not sure but he is [Re: bayuti] #790047
10/29/12 04:33 PM
10/29/12 04:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 146
thisiseasycash Offline
Jellyfish
thisiseasycash  Offline
Jellyfish

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 146
This is not the only man you could ever love in your entire life. Why hold on so tightly? You both want different things. Both of you deserve to live the life of your dreams however you picture that to be. Either you will cave in, he will cave in or you will go your separate ways. Your happiness is not tied to one person.


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