BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence When will this end?

Since I am new to this forum I will give you the quick story first. I was involved with an emotionally abusive man for almost 3 years. He was never physically abusive, but I strongly feel that had I not left it would have been very soon. I believe he has mental issues, he threatened to kill himself on numerous occasions usually when we were fighting, threatened to kill me and others, on numerous occasions he would sit there and describe how he could get away with it. I got away, and took my child with me. I have been away from him for 2 years now. We went through a nasty custody battle where he tried to take my child away, claiming I was an unfit mother because I had to have assistance to live. He will not get a job because then he would have to pay child support. Now to my current issue. I only have contact with this man once a month when he has his visit with my child. He does not contact the child between visits at all. Twice a month I have to look at him. And starting the week before I have nightmares. The entire time my child is with him I have nightmares. The dreams range from reliving the emotional hell he put me through to dreams of him asking me to come back and me saying yes.. all the while i'm in the dream in my head screaming NO! Those I think are the worst. Does this get easier.. I thought I would be past this by now. I'm putting my life back together. I'm starting school, trying to build a better life for me and my child. But once a month... once a month i fall to pieces and cant even sleep. Tell me it gets better.

They "threaten" (which they never will) to kill themselves for sympathy and distraction. They threaten TO kill to weaken your defense or frighten you.

And, YES, it does get better, but it doesn't happen over night or on its own. Not that I have to tell you this. It's someting I feel you probably already know.

But! Sometimes it's good or feels good, to hear that someone else has been through what you've might have or BE going through.

Legalities...especially with what you're describing feel a must if not already investigated.

These are just my opinions. Legal (real legal advice) if possible should be pursued and if it was anything like mine you had to go from place to place to place, starting with pamphlets, then telephone numbers and kept getting some "D.A" recording taking you right back to where you started.

Go IN PERSON if you haven't to the court house and IF you happen to be in a small town, go to a couple of towns and even zip codes over and keep trying till you find a compassionate, impartial, Soul who'll help.

Next, you can always redefine your legal arrangement, if you have one, by suggesting or asking for either supervised visitations or police protection when and where there is an exchange. Again, this isn't legal advice, just what I went through.

Last but not least, I promise it does get better!! The Key or trick is "KEEP SIDE BLINDERS" on...keep focused, knowing if you can complete this one goal step at a time, you will finally be in a position of control!!!!!

That�s when it actually gets better and that is undoubtedly a POSSIBLE feat!!! Whenever there's the sense you ever want to go back or feel compassion for a person that puts you in this position, consider it one step backward....at the very least...(((HUGZ))) and keep your eyes on YOUR road!

Yes, things will get better. Good for you that you got away after only 3 years!! I was with an emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuser for 25 yrs. I always thought from my upbringing that I should stay married and make it work. It has been a year and half since I left and my ex has no control over me, but unfortunately is still using our kids as weapons. The divorce still isn't final, but I don't have to live with him!! Thank the Lord for that alone!! You just need to look at the positives in your situation and be thankful. My Mom always taught me to look forward if you didn't like something, that it won't last forever. Look forward to your time with your child, plan a girls day out when he has your child. Try to enjoy life and find your own happiness. It may take a while but you will get there. Good luck!!