BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage How to Compromise in Marriage

Getting along in a long-term relationship often requires compromise, but there are many ways to hone the art of �give-and-take.�

How do you do it?

How to Compromise in Marriage

My husband and I have worked on this for more than 20 years - it isn't always easy! Two important things for us are:

Realizing it isn't about "winning" since we are on the same "team".

And a deep understanding that we are happiest when the other person is happy, too. Neither of us feels good if we get what we want, but the other person is unhappy about the decision.

Great ideas, Lori. Compromise is essential in making a marriage work. There has to be understanding and a willingness to give and take, so that both people are happy and satisfied. If there is a good balance it is easier for each person to compromise.

Hello Lori,

Just browsing through your forum here on marriage. My husband and I will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary in September. It's been a long haul but we survived, overcame and made it through.

Compromise is everything, but what we have found out is that one of us was more willing to compromise than the other. And one of did most of the compromising.

But to us marrige is a give and take: a push me - pull you (Doctor Doolittle). Sometimes you will be the one to push and the other pull, then there will be times when the other is pushing and you are pulling.

There will be times when one will give more than the other and then vice versa. This is what makes marriage exciting and adventurous for us.

Hi Grace. Thanks for stopping by with your great insights. I agree with you. Compromise isn't always 50-50. I just stated in another thread that there are times when it is 100-0.

Congratulations on your 30th! What a fantastic accomplishment! And even more so with your triumphs over challenges.

We just celebrated our 27th. And, like yours, our marriage has been filled with conflict and drama. But when I pointed that out to my husband, he said, "What? It depends on what you focus on. I look back and see a lot of joy and great times."

Well, he's right. There's been both the good and the bad. And there has been far more of the great times than the not-so-good times. The lesser moments have brought us growth so they served a purpose.

Congrats, Grace, and do stop by again soon!

One thing my husband and I compromise on is our hobbies and interests. Instead of "compromise", we "appreciate" each other's hobbies and interests. For example, there is a pop band I really like, and my husband would go to one of their concerts with me from time to time. Vice versa, my husband is a super basketball fans, so sometimes I would make a special date night at home and watch the game with him, or surprise him with a pair of game tickets. In the end, we've both enjoyed the time together, and have something more to talk about. Even if we don't do this together, we understand each other enough to know that to be able to indulge in our interests in our "alone" time, we both would be a happier person, and I suppose that's not all bad?

It is easy, i always follow harmony and peace.