BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids For Father's Day

Since it's almost officially Father's Day, I would like to share the story of mine, my mother, and their struggle as they tried to have children. They weren't able to conceive naturally, so they started using IVF. Ten difficult years later, they had my oldest sister. Four years after that, they had my twin brother and I. That was enough for them, and so they stopped and focused on raising us. During that initial decade of trying, my father lost hope and told my mother that they could adopt--he had wanted to have children with her, but he cared more about her emotional stability than anything. (You go, Dad!) She obviously refused to give up and continued on. My point is, my parents appreciate the fact that they were able to have children, more than any "whoops" parents, certainly. (Not saying that those parents don't love their children; they never had to experience the heartbreak of NOT being able to have children immediately though.) You would think that, because of their ordeal, they would be adamant that everyone who could have children, should. But, incredibly (and luckily for me), that is not the case. They realize that having children is a choice--one that has to be considered seriously. And sometimes, they realize, it's not for everyone. I am very grateful that they think that way. I feel really lucky sometimes, especially after reading the heartbreaking stories on this site of parents being angry or hurt over the fact that they won't be getting any grandchildren. So, what about you? Do your parents approve of your choice to be child free? If they don't, how do you cope? If they do, what are their reasons?

My dad does..he is an incredibly kind loving person who supports my life choices and trusts that only I know what is best for my own life...my mom goes through fazes...some days, she says its my life and only my husband and I can make that decision...on the other hand, when she has been around other people's grand kids, or has had my rotten uncle shove my cousin's kid in her face, I am stubborn and wasting my life...

It's good to hear about your dad. Maybe your mom will come around--though it is difficult when she's surrounded by other people's grandchildren. I can see where she might feel left out--and that would be the only reason she's pressuring you. I think she knows in her heart that it's a decision that everyone has to make for themselves, but she's a little hurt when she sees other people "getting ahead of her." It's somewhat understandable, but I am sorry that you have to deal with that. ;/ Do you have any siblings that could give her grandchildren?

I have an older brother, but he feels the same way I do...I have, however, given her a lovely Grand doggie that loves her very much.

My father has been deceased for years. My mother approves of my decision to be child free. She thinks I am being smart, and has never tried to change my mind.

My brother and sister (both are younger than I am) are married and have children, so my mother gets the experience of having grandchildren. I get to be an aunt, with so much less worry and responsibility. I like my quiet time too.....

Sorry to hear about your father, Debbie. Though it's good that your mother both approves of your decision and has other grandchildren that she can spend time with. And good for you, being the cool aunt! You can spoil them rotten and send them right back home ;)

Thanks, Mary. I am no longer sad about my father. He is in a better place.

Right now I live 3,000 miles away so I hardly see my nephews. I do miss them, though. Next year I will be moving to their area so I will get to have more family time. But yes, always nice to send them back to their own homes!

My mom approves now, thank goodness. (My father passed in 2007). She did not accept it at first though. She actually told me to talk to my gyno the next time I went so that maybe she could help me overcome my issues. I guess the dissolution of my marriage (to a man I loved but wanted kids more than anything) made it clear to everyone that I was serious. My mom is proud of me now and backs me up. Funny it took some effort to get through her head though.

I'm sorry to hear about your father, but I'm glad your mom has come around. I recently had to break up with my boyfriend because he wanted children (an indefinite amount--he's Catholic, doesn't believe in birth control, but does believe very strongly in the quiver-full movement... yeesh.) Sometimes you've got to hurt yourself and those you love to make a point. I'm sorry that your relationship with your husband ended that way, but I'm glad you were able to stand up for yourself and finally get your mom on your side. :)

My parents really intended to have my sister and I as well. I know many people have kids by acts of irresponsibility or failed birth control and grow to love them regardless, but I agree with the OP's statement that it's nice to know your parents were waiting for you and wanted to have and raise you. My parents are cool with me not having kids. my mom, at first was upset, but later realized it wouldn't fit my personality andtold me" I know even if you hadn't told me you didn't want to have kids at all I guess I knew you'd never want to be pregnant, and of all the things you can do wonderfully, I don't think parenting would be one of them. I think you'd be miserable, and have zero patience for a whining child, and be calling me up everytime the baby had a bowel movement." Haha, momma knows me well. My dad, when I told him simply said, "Why is that." and I told him my reasons. "Ok he said, this is your life and children would be your responsibility; you have to do what's right for yourself and husband." I'm thankful. I think that the fact both of my parents have friends who chose never to have kids helped to open their minds as well.