BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Newbie on board, sorry!

Hello everyone - I'm so happy and relieved to have found this forum. I am the only person I know who has chosen a lifestyle that does not include children, and I am being made to feel like there is something wrong with me - and you know as well I I do how effective a self-fulfilling prohpecy can be! I always get the patronising simper followed by the 'one day you'll change your mind' comment, or the 'why don't you want kids?' conversation (which I find both offensive and intrusive), in which I am meant to justify my decision in a way that satisfies my child-clutching peers. I would never be so rude as to question their lifestyle choice in such a demeaning manner, and ask them 'why do you want kids?' - though I certainly feel like doing just that sometimes, just to demonstrate the fact that I find their desision to have them as puzzling as they find mine! I am so happy to find that I am not alone - thank you to the founders of this website and forum, I shall now be a frequent visitor! :)

Welcome to the forum, Hippy Pie!

I used to get the same reactions when I was younger - people like that will never change.

Hope you find lots to interest you at BellaOnline.

Hi Hippy Pie !

Just like men are supposed to compete with Money, Land, Power and Armies...

Women are supposed to compete with Beauty, Fashion and Babies !

What has that gotten us ?

The brink of WWIII and WWIV !!!

I totally agree, Hippie Pie! It is so degrading to have your life choices questioned...I had my mom say to me once "You're wasting your life by being stubborn about having children!"

I know, somehow it's worse when the comments come from family - my mother says 'it's just a phase, you'll settle down one day. I'm almost 30 years old and I decided I never wanted kids when I was about 9!! It makes me feel like a silly little girl who doesn't know what she wants - I know exactly what I want, and I'm so content with my life it's unreal! They were more accepting of my brother announcing his homosexuality than of my decision to enjoy my life without children! Perhaps they're a bit envious, as they don't know what else to do with their lives other than raise a family, and people who have a fantastic life without children do other things? Who knows... :)

Oh dear, well by those standards I'm a complete washout as a woman! Hahaha

Same here...well, maybe younger...when I was little, my mom took away all of my stuffed animals and replaced them with dolls...hoping I'd take up the "mommy" role and play with them if I had no choice...I drew whiskers on them with a magic marker and told my mom they were kitties...ah..silly desperate parents...

OMG, that happened to me too! Or a very similar thing - I always preferred stuffed animals and teddys, and one day my mother bought my one of those Tiny Tears dolls! I was terrified!! It was the most hideous thing I'd ever seen! lol

Hello Hippy Pie. Welcome!

Society still hasn't fully accepted that women can make lifestyle choices, and many women choose not to have children. It is getting better, but there is still a ways to go to being accepted for our choices when we don't do what is expected. I commend you for sticking to your convictions and knowing what you want out of life. Good for you!

Thanks for the kind words Debbie! up until this point I honestly thought I was some kind of freak, and I was always embarrassed to say that I never wanted children (and that I didn't particularly like them either!). It's wonderful to read all these posts and realise that's it's ok and normal to be this way - I don't feel so isolated anymore, so thank you once again. :)