BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Spirituality Benefits of Forgiveness - Article

Debbie, this is a great article and a timeless one. Thank you for sharing these important thoughts with us.

Beautiful article, Debbie. I normally don't have a problem with forgiveness but there is one person I can never forgive. This person died before I knew the crime(s)he committed so I can't ask why.

Burt...that is a great description on how we are a part of life, essentially a part of everything around us. It is only fair that we forgive ourselves, like everything and everyone else around us that we give allowance to. We owe it to ourselves to extend ourselves the same courtesy.

Sometimes we have road blocks or other difficulty in our lives that make it hard sometimes for us to be kind to ourselves. In order to find peace we do need to give ourselves a break. It is ok to mess up sometimes. It is just part of being human. We are not designed to be perfect. Our differences make us unique. The letting go of the negative emotions can be hard but we have to do it, otherwise we are increasing our own discomfort.

You are doing well, Burt. The fact that the act of forgiving yourself is getting better with time is a testament to your self-love and self-respect becoming greater. You are cutting yourself a little slack and accepting who you are. Forgiving yourself will add to your peace. We all need and deserve peace in our lives.

Thanks for sharing with us.

Thank you for reading my article, Phyllis. I am glad you liked it.

Jenny.......the situation you describe is a tough one. Depending on the crime, it may be next to impossible for the human mind to be able to process and forgive such a thing. But to hold on to negative and painful feelings will only hurt you, and not the person who committed the criminal act.

Somehow you need to find peace with this, and the only other suggestion I have would be to have indifference towards this person. Certainly you do not condone the acts, but you should not waste your emotions on such evil. It can only make you feel badly.

There is one person in my life who hurt me beyond anything I could have imagined. I could not think of forgiving this person, but I could no longer live with the pain this person caused me. It was ripping me apart and I had to take action to save myself. I finally had to look within and love myself enough to let go. I let go of the pain and my feelings towards this person is indifference. I don't want to think about this person or feel anything for this person. I have made a conscious decision to let go and think differently. My pain is pretty much gone over the situation.

Maybe this would be an answer for you if you suffer because of someone else's actions and forgiveness just seems out of the question. Release the pain from yourself if you can, and mentally send it back to where it came from.

Thanks for the encouraging words, Debbie. Its a difficult situation but I've come to terms with it and have moved on.

Jenny.....I am glad to hear that you have been able to move on. You are handling the situation the best way you can, and that is truly all you can do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

Debbie, years ago one of my older sister's daughters hurt me tremendously. What she did was heinous and hurtful; it ripped our family apart. However, I forgave her and moved on with our relationship. I know forgiveness is cleansing. Then, she did it again. I knew that I could never forgive that behavior a second time.

I became indifferent to her. She is no longer part of my emotional family. Yes, we are related by blood, but I want to have no contact with her.

When you can't forgive, indifference is a good alternative. Thank you for suggesting it to your readers.

You're welcome, Connie. In your case it is a shame that this young woman did not learn from her mistakes the first time around. You have done the best you could do. There really is no need to deal with her disrespect, when obviously this is what's going on. You did try and you did the right thing.

I suggested indifference because it was the only way I could move on and survive a very painful situation. Generally I usually have no problem with forgiving others, but in this case I just could not do it. But I had to heal. I had to let go of pain that I was suffering, pain that the other person was not aware of me still having after a long period of time, nor did they care at all. This is a person I loved deeply, and I had to find peace or lose my mind. When you look within the answers come, and I preferred to feel nothing than to feel love for the one who hurt me the worst in my entire life. I don't hate this person at all, but they sure do not deserve my emotions anymore.

As a human being you can only do your best. Sometimes the rules you'd like to apply to your life just don't cover every situation, so you handle it the best way you can. The key is to find peace for yourself, and not at the expense of others.

Thanks for sharing, Connie.

Wonderful article Debbie!