BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Father dying of cancer. I'm scared to death.

Hi. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 gastric cancer in jan of 2011. He was doing really well with his chemo treatments until March of this year. He got really dehydrated and had to be admitted to the hospital. Ever since he has been so weak and tired all the time. I'm afraid he is nearing the end and I'm scared to death and so sad. My dad has been a distant father until he was diagnosed. Now we are closer than we have ever been. I'm so sad about all of this. I'm also frustrated because he lives 4 hours away from me and I feel so guilty about not being there all the time. I have a family and do work full time. I'm not sure what to do and not do. He could live another month or 6 months. I dont know what to do to help him. I'm so sad and I feel do helpless. I've never lost someone this close to me. I feel so many emotions. I'm seeing a counselor too and that helps but I feel like so much sadness is inside me. Any advice?

Hello Jill. I used to be Cassie67 on BellaOnline, and I started a few threads on the Bereavement forum. I just lost my boyfriend a few months ago, and I have dealt with his failing health as well.

Let me first say that I am very sorry for what you are going through. It is certainly a tough time in your life. Being so far away does not help, but you can only work with what you have.

It is a good thing that you have improved your relationship with your father. It is good for the both of you. If you can't be there in person can you call him? Talk about whatever you want and let him know you love him. That will help him more than you know. Say it every time. Now is an important time to express your love. Can he receive mail? You can send cards or notes with a personal message.

Is there anyone else with him at this time?

When you can see him make your time count. Touch him, hold his hand, kiss his forehead or cheek. That touch will mean so much to both of you. Sometimes there is no need to talk but to just be there for each other.

You will have to accept that he may leave you soon. Preparing yourself will help but it will still be hard when he is gone. Do you have religious beliefs, a faith you can lean on at this time? If so a priest or pastor can be of help to you and to your father. I have talked to a priest myself and it has helped me greatly. If your father is a religious man maybe you can arrange for a priest to visit him from his parish or from another church of his belief close by.

If you are not religious you can still be comforted in that there is proof that the spirit in each of us lives on. When your father leaves the physical realm, his spirit will live on. Your love for each other will not end, and he will always be with you. You will see him again in the spiritual world, and believe it or not the spiritual realm is so much more beautiful than the physical life we live here. Your father will be welcomed with lots of love, light, and beauty, and his suffering will be no more.

I wish I could help you more but each of us will have to face the loss of a loved one at one time or another. You will miss him and you will feel pain at his departure, whenever that might be. You will need time to grieve and to heal. But always remember that you and your father will always be a big part of each other, and your love for each other is eternal. For now, comfort him the best you can and let him know you love him. He will hold that close during this time of transition. In his own mind I am sure he is in touch with himself spiritually now, and knowing how much you care will be of great comfort to him.

Oh, I'm so sorry jillster. How are things going with your father right now? I know it's so hard to watch a loved one suffer and feel like you can't do enough for them or be there enough for them. But, it really sounds like you're doing the best you can and I'm sure your dad knows that. And, it's so special that you've been able to rekindle your relationship. I can imagine you and your dad must be so grateful for that. As far as advice on getting through this time, I think you're definitely on the right track by talking with a counselor and allowing someone to help you work through your questions and grief. I would definitely encourage you to continue to pursue that, and maybe even consider a grief support group-perhaps through your counselor or a local church? Lastly, if you're interested, I'm with Focus on the Family, and I heard a broadcast there recently that seemed to address some of what you're struggling with called "Coping With the Loss of a Loved One." I believe it's still available to listen to it [url=http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID=%7BFD659754-D057-4841-BB56-8B1F0BEB306D%7D]online[/url]. Just a thought. Well, know someone out there is praying for you! Hang in there friend...