BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Advice/Answers

Hello. If anyone reads this and has had this happen please reply to this. It is really important that I know because it is driving me crazy. I am married and about to get a divorce from my abusive husband. We live in separate states. We have a 1 yr old daughter together who lives with me. He has no contact with us nor does he pay any child support. Now he has not filed for divorce yet and it's been over 10 months since i left him. He is engaged to a new girl. I know this because of course people inform me. Now my questions is Why hasn't be filed for divorce if he is engaged to someone? Is it because he just doesn't want to pay for it? That makes no sense. Wouldn't he want to get rid of me completely so he can marry his new toy? I was told that he hasn't filed because if we are legally married then a judge can order me to bring our child back to him. So is that the reason? Still why stay married to me if he his engaged to someone else?

First go and file abdonment paperwork, as well as a restraining order. Go to the DA's office and file for child support. These are a few steps you can take, also their should be some sort of support group in your area, find them and they will help. The seas are high, but you will bring your ship into safe harbor. Stay strong, and keep your head up. TexasBetty

I don't know if my advice is too late or not but... I am in a similiar situation. I left my husband a year ago. He does not know where I live or how to serve me court papers. I have been told by several advocates NOT to file for a protection order, divorce, child support, etc. Stay out of the court system and as long as he cannot find you, he can not force you to come back. Once you get into the court system, he can file for custody. I am resigned to staying married forever. I don't ever want my husband to find me. He can file for divorce if he wants to but right now I am not doing anything illegal so I am going to keep it that way.

I had no idea where my ex was when I divorced him. I went through a lawyer. In the state where I live, if you can not find your spouse to serve him/her the divroced papers, it gets published in a court docket type news paper for a certain amount of time, then the proceedings continue. As long as he doesn't read the court docket news paper, he will never no you filed. It was also stipulated in my dicvorce papers that he left, had no rights to the kids and if he wanted to see the kids, he has to take me to court.