BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The pressure of having kids

IssabellaAfrica, I am sorry you're getting that pressure from your grandma. I know what it's like when Grandparents try to pressure you into things using their age and experiences as leverage. It's really unfair to you when they do that. They don't realize that by asking you to do things you don't want to just to make them happy, they are the selfish ones. Truly, I'm very sorry.

IsabellaAfrica, I totally feel your pain! I just turned 30 and have been waiting for years for this mythological "biological clock" to start kicking in.

Some people might tell you that if you wanted a child, you would know it in your very bones. I just don't think that's the case for some people. If you're a naturally thoughtful person that doesn't make all your decisions with your gut, this decision may have to be one that's made rationally after reviewing all the pros and cons. At least, that's what I've determined for myself, which is why I set up a blog devoted entirely to making that decision!

I will say though, going off birth control is a decision in and of itself. So if you're not sure, you should get back on it until you are.

I've realized another way to tell if you're not really interested in having your own kids....I was just looking at facebook, and my friend has been having problems with her 4 yr old - he's been unwell, and her latest post was to complain he's in a strop because she wouldn't let him have a nap at 4pm - explaining he never goes to sleep til really late if he does.

If you start thinking, aaaw, I wonder what I would do...or...I would do this not that.

Or as I did, smile a little and thank my lucky stars I don't have to deal with all that.

Raising children is no easy job and the responsibility should not be taken lightly. If you really want to take all that on I believe you will know it in every fiber of your being. If you have any reservations at all, then it is not the right time for you, if ever it will be.

In my case, I never had that strong urge that overwhelmed me. A slight longing here or there that lasted 60 seconds at a time was not enough of a pull for me to dive into that responsibility. I am still comfortable with the decision I made at age 26 to remain child free. I am 44 now with no regrets.

I agree Cassie. After I saw the post on facebook, I had quite a conversation with hubby.
I was saying how it is a big decision not to have kids - after all you only have one life, and i'm a huge advocate of trying anything once ( life is short enough )
but the trouble is, I know it would stop me doing many other things i want to do.

hubby, who's 55 said things are so different nowadays. he married at 21, and was pressured into having a child. he said he wondered how different his life would have been - to have the money to travel, have meals out ( his family didn;t like to baby sit much after his daughter got past 2. and he didn;t want to leave a teenager at home in the evening.
he said it stopped him doing so much , but was determined to be a good father, so he sacraficed the years to give her a good upbringing.
His point being that if he'd married young today, he wouldn't have had a child so young, if at all.
interesting to hear another view. I think there's still pressure to have kids, but he says it's nothing compared to 30 yrs ago.