BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Coping with the loss of a boyfriend

I just lost my boyfriend of two years. I am 44 and he was 49. He had a history of health issues, but no one expected him to die so soon.

I am doing ok for the most part, but I'm dealing with my grief now that has finally come to the surface a week after the funeral. I really miss him, and I feel a bit lonely. It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that we won't share the little things anymore that made our life together special. I still live in the apartment we shared together and it is downright strange to be here without him.

Has anyone here lost their boyfriend due to death? How did you cope? Was there anything specific that brought you comfort during your healing process?

Cassie, I do not know the pain you are experiencing. I have not lived it. I wish I had healing words to send to you. I am sure the apartment is filled with both happy and sad memories. Concentrate on the happy. You said he was a wonderful man so I am sure he gave you many happy thoughts to hold onto.
I have no doubt you feel lonely but remember, you are not alone.So many people on here care about you , I can see how much love is being sent your way. I hope that helps. Take care

Thank you for your kind words, LBP. Everyone here has been so caring. It means a lot to me during this painful time.

I bought a journal yesterday to dedicate just to my lost love. I want to write down the things about him I don't want to forget.....good memories, his favorite quips, things he loved, and other thoughts that might fade away in time. While a lot is still fresh I want to honor him in this way, and down the road as the healing takes place I can look back in the journal and remember what a special person he was, how much about him I loved, and the life's lessons he taught me.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I'm afraid that I don't have any past experiences to pull from. I do think that what you are doing, putting together a journal of memories sounds like a wonderful idea. As you said, those details are fresh in your mind now.

Thank you, Dannica.

I have started my journal today and it is helpful and calming to get my memories down on paper. It is a way to honor the beautiful soul my boyfriend was.

It's been a few weeks now and it seems that my days get worse and not better. Maybe this is my high time to grieve because the numbness has worn off and the sadness has set in. It is all a process to go through I know, but it is very hard to deal with the loss of such a young, gentle, and kind soul. I loved and cared for him like I was his wife. My sweet lover is so dearly missed.

Not much brings me comfort. Thinking of how he suffered rips my heart up. If I think about him being at peace now it is only a small comfort. I still cry. If I think about the good memories it hurts even more because the loss is so evident. At night it is tough to get to sleep and I am up very late these days, but I have taken his pillow to sleep on and it is a small comfort.

Valentine's Day is coming up and on that day it will be one month exactly since my boyfriend passed away. My day will be a little quiet as I reflect on the good times and the love that we shared. I was so blessed to have him in my life even though we only had two years together. I am going to make a gesture of love on Valentine's Day by putting a red rose on his grave.

Hugs for you, Cassie. The only way out is through. Allow yourself to fully feel the pain. You know that somewhere on the other side of it, you will start to feel better.

You are right, Jilly. I know I need to feel the pain and release the sorrow through tears. And I am doing that, as much as I don't want to face it. I let it come out as it needs to. It is an awful process, with pain so intense sometimes that I just want to get away from it, but I can't. I don't know what to do with the pain sometimes. It sits on me like a heavy burden.

I have dealt with death in my family before. I lost my father, grandparents, some aunts and uncles. Nothing compares to this.

When you have an intimate partner die it rips your heart up like nothing else will. When you have known someone in the most personal and private way, and when that person has known you the same way, a part of you dies along with your lover.

I know with time it will get better. This is just the painful part of the process. Thanks for your kind words, Jilly.

I ordered two books today. The titles are "On Death and Dying", and "On Life After Death", both by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

A friend told me these were good books, and the reviews through Amazon were really good, as well as the prices of the books. I will let you know if I like them and find them helpful.