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It's one of the most important things in this world and I feel like I don't really talk enough about it: Friendship. Having my friends is one of the most important things to me, especially now that I am really far away from the friends I've had for years. Today I wanted to ask for advice about what to do with a situation that arises over and over with a very good friend of mine. She has very low self-esteem and is constantly in and out of very short lived relationships with guys (she is very innocent and really just wants someone to love, not someone to just have sex with and I applaud her for that.) But the guys that she gets into relationships with treat her badly, and it's always the same 4-5 guys that she talks about every time. She always wants to take them back simply because they're the only guy showing interest in her at the time. She's desperate not to be alone and I think part of this stems from the fact that her mother is very controlling and is pushing her into relationships with guys just so she can get married and give her grand kids. Her mother never tries to give her confidence that she can be anything she wants and that she doesn't really need a man in her life to be happy with herself. I, on the other hand, have been trying to get my friend to believe that she is more than just a tool for her mother to use and that she doesn't need a man to stay content. But every time it seems to have worked or seems like I have gotten through to her, she just goes back to wanting to be in a relationship with some scumbag that has already mistreated her. I live very far away from my friend, having moved from Pennsylvania all the way out to Washington state to live with my fiance. I know, it's very hypocritical of me (as someone who's in a relationship) to tell someone who's single that they don't need a man to be happy, but to my credit, I have told her the very same thing when I was single too. It's hard to stay in constant contact and it's hard to have much influence on her now that we don't really hang out in person and all that. I was just wondering if there's anyone out there with advice for me?

Samb, I understand how you feel because I was once like your friend. I had low self-esteem and wanted someone of my own to love so badly. My best friend tried to talk to me but I would not listen. I had to go through the storm on my own in order to makeup in my mind what I was willing to deal with in my relationships with men. Not until then, did I find a gem of a man to whom I'm engaged to. I had to see that God and myself was all that I needed. I kept busy with my church and other positive activities to keep me from thinking about how lonely I was. Once I stopped thinking about myself so much, I found love. I wouldn't keep beating her about the head about her choices in men but just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. She has to see the value in herself before anyone else does and that may take some time but when she does you won't have to worry about her anymore.

Excellent, csept. Good for you. You have it all going on for yourself, and that is great. Good advice too, and so true.