BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CFCers can't enjoy the holidays?

Hi guys...I am finally back from an extended visit to my parents where there was no reliable internet access, so, this gripe is a little late, but is still bothering me. I get facebook updates on my phone, so, desperate for some contact to the outside world, I checked facebook constantly. A little closer to Christmas, I saw a post from a gay couple I am friends with who have been trying to adopt a child since the summer. They had just spent time with one of the men's sister in law who had just had baby number 3. It started out with "flying home...hoping to pick up a stray baby on the way home.." which i thought was cute, but, the posts began to progress into how you just can't enjoy Christmas without a child and how, if you don't have children, what is the point of celebrating Christmas? Of course, all of their baby-laden friends agreed and added their CFC bashing into this. My family and I do a pretty good job with the holidays...lots of wine and presents...dizzying feasts...snowball fights with the dogs...so, its kind of offensive to me that they were so vocal about how Christmas doesn't matter if you are CF. Yes, I realize that the whole Santa Claus and starry eyed children hanging their stockings with care is lost on an adult only family, but to imply that my Christmases are worthless because I don't have kids is upsetting. Was anyone else made to feel this way over the holidays?

Unless this gay couple that you are friends with made a "personal" attack on you and singled you out, then I would take it with a grain of salt.

You make it work for you. Those of us that are materialistic see it as a time to spend your well earned money on presents and "junk". To the rest of us, it is time to spend with family and friends alike. Break bread, share recipies, go for a ride to look at the christmas lights, caroling or rejoycing in the true meaning of christmas (if your religious) which is the birth of Jesus.

Me and DH take advantage of it and usually go see a show at a dinner theater, visit friends (who are also CF or whose kids are older and out of the house), celebrate our wedding anniversary (which is in December) by going out to a fancy restaurant on Christmas Eve or we go on a romantic get-a-way for a few days at a couples-only resort.

With that said, you could always imply to those that have kids how quiet, relaxing and fun it is for "us" CF during the holidays and how they could only wish they could experience it!

I hear ya, swearbear. I wasn't made to feel this way over the Holidays, but I got very sick of the whole "for the children" thing in the media. And a friend of mind posted on Facebook about how Christmas "wasn't the same" unless there were children opening presents. Um... I dunno. That's not my memory of Christmas. Of course I'm an only child, so I only have memories of me and my parents opening presents.

And after Christmas, another friend posted on Facebook, "What was your best news in 2011" and every single commenter but me posted something like, "My new baby" or "My sister's new baby." Me, I found out that my chronic disease is in full remission. I think that's bigger news than another person having yet another baby. *sigh*

I think the overarching message here is to stay away from Facebook! LOL

I feel for you swearbear, and I agree. Christmas can be enjoyed fully with or without kids in tow.

My gripe about kids and Christmas is that the kids expect every new gadget on the market and the parents hand it right over, with 25 other gifts under the tree. Parents and families truly are overindulgent, and don't realize that over half of the gifts will sit in the closet unused after the holidays because there is just too much of it all. I can attest to that from first hand experience with my boyfriend's daughter. I can't tell you how many Christmas's worth of stuff sits in the closet here now, and how much of it we have had to clear out of the closet and give to goodwill last year from several past Christmases.....most things never used.

When a child is given a few gifts, that child can focus on those few special things. When a child is given a ton of stuff, most of it will be ignored or used only once or twice. It is a waste and not the right message to send a young person about responsibility and appreciation.

When I was a kid we only had a few things under the tree.......clothes, maybe a toy or two, some books. I appreciated every single thing I received, and I treasured these things. I don't find that attitude generally with kids of all ages today. They don't appreciate much of anything because they are not being taught to.

I don't celebrate Xmas partly because I am not religious and I don't consider myself a Christian. I haven't really celebrated since I was 11 years old. That was when my parents divorced, we stopped decorating, putting up a tree and I guess I was really old enough not to believe in the hype. The only person who will buy me a present here and there is my mother and I even tell her not to get me anything. I hate the commercialism of it and I really don't need any more junk.

If I had kids I don't know if I would celebrate because I'd feel forced to. I'm really a scrooge when it comes to Xmas I don't see why people get so caught up in the hype it's just another day to me. I hate Xmas songs. I don't care for decorations. People really annoy me with their fakeness like they are so in the Xmas spirit.

I'd never fill my kids heads with Santa Clause nonsense (my parents never did that to me). So in a way I do believe Xmas is for kids and since I don't have any I won't put any effort into trying to make that day special. If I had any maybe I would go out a little more for it. It's a good thing I don't.

I do have a fantasy of being a secret Santa though. If I were rich I would go out and give random people money like I hear some people do.

I'm sorry your parents split when you were 11. That must have been tough. It shows too how we are so entrenched in stereotypes - If you're a kid, then you have a christmas like in the movies - loads of presents, decorations, lots of relatives and friends over, and everyone so incredibly happy.

I must admit christmas was the one time I did enjoy when I was little - although we didn't get much in the way of presents as they couldn't afford too much, it was still great.
Both my parents were off for christmas week, so we were together as opposed to my dad working factory shifts then getting home tired and sleeping most of the evening.

I just remember thinking how hard it is to have kids - the money and finding someone to look after them while you work.

Then when I joined the police all the cops with families wanted time off on christmas day, and initially I didn't mind as I was young and preferred the overtime.
but as I got older, the opinion was, well, you don't have kids, so you won't mind working christmas .

Then you get the opinion from others why put decorations up when you haven't got kids. My house is sparkling at christmas, I love the whole ritual of it, but you're right, some make you feel like you're a bit simple in the head - it's just for the kids right ?
It comes back to all those negative feelings you get from mainly women with kids, when they show contempt, pity, or just blatant superiority.
then I get that familiar uneasy weight in the pit of my stomach, when I know it calls for some reaction from me, depending on my mood - be magnanimous; reply in kind, and put them down ; ignore them, etc. etc. either way it makes me feel depressed.

Can't we all just get along ? We're human - so I don't think so
Happy new year everyone.

I don't really think the Christmas things and holiday time of year is just for mommies and daddies with kids. If I ever did want to have kids, I would never lie to them or try to pretend like Santa Claus is real. They would eventually find out that he's not from other people. I don't view Christmas as either a religious holiday or a commercialized nightmare. I do recognize and understand the roots of Christmas and that it's deeply tied to Christianity. I also know how everyone has turned Christmas into some kid-centric nut-fest. They may as well call it "Kidmas" as far as some parents are concerned. I just view Christmas mostly as a way to celebrate the end of a year by surrounding yourself with all the things and people you've held deal all year and in years past. If New Year's is the way we show hope for the future out ahead of us, then I feel Christmas should be the way we show our appreciation for all the good things that have come our way in past years. Just my take on the holiday: A fun, happy time to celebrate being together for the last few days of the year.

The birth of Jesus was a gift to all, not just married with kids. I enjoyed Christmas fine before having kids and have cf friends that seem to be enjoying themselves fine every year as well.

Maybe your friends have been so focused on their goal of bringing a child into their family that there was a lot at stake for them emotionally when it didn't happen. Christmas season is like one of those milestone markers in our year.

I love your description of your Christmas with the snowballs and dogs...sounds like a great Christmas card image.

Happy New Year!