BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Abusive behaviors in me?

So, I have been thinking a lot lately. I have realized that it was his [b]choice[/b] to be abusive. I fully accept and understand that. Now, there were times, during our fights, that I pretty much went crazy. I've done a lot of things that I am not proud of ... in fact, I am very ashamed of some fights and how I reacted to them. I started to become violent back, and at times, when I just had enough, I tried to provoke him more by doing things that I knew would push his buttons. I was just so tired of him pushing mine. Grant it, this started after years of abuse. But, if it was his choice, and he says that I pushed him that far, and I am doing the same thing, does that mean that I am an abuser as well? This has been weighing very heavy on me lately. Please, if anyone can give advice or insight, or personal experiences, I'd really appreciate it.

Environmental adaptation, this may not be a real thing but its the best way to explain what i am about to say i am no education social worker or psychologist but i do know how you feel. I to have done this poke the bear as they say, I think for me was the upper hand feeling of it. All he ever made me feel was fear and sadness i wanted to once feel something other than nothing. So i provoked fights for his attention like a starving child, to one up his game so he could feel fear and sadness. I don�t know i guess maybe in hopes i win for once i be the crazy scary one in charge.(never worked out that way). We all have done things we are ashamed or disappointed in ourselves about. Well you have the power to change that. Only you, There is not point to sit and dwell on who was wrong or right good or bad, its time to lay that dog down and move on. Think ahead to your new life and the relationships you will have make yourself a goal. And each time to accomplish that small feat move to the next goal and so on. And before you know it you will be wiser and stronger and able to be proud at the decisions and reactions you made. Take this experience as a learning lesson and just that LEARN from it. We are all here because someone has hurt us has torn apart of us out. But they have only created the ultimate weapon in us and that is inner strength and power. With every blow we took we gained knowledge and understanding. This is how i choose to look at it. I hope you find a way to let that go. I think other people may have influenced this feeling as well. You know better then to believe everything someone says. Just learn form this. Good luck missy we are here to support you

during the last few months of my abuser and me being together, i started to fight back. i was just so done and to the point where i wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. When I started to fight back, he would stop. I think i scared him a few times which I am ashamed to say made me feel good and made me feel like I had power over him for once. he spanked my daughter one night and i grabbed him by his shirt and said something....not so nice to him. The look on his face when i grabbed him actually made me feel strong. I don't have an explanation for it, i don't know why i did it. I think yu have just been backed into a corner so many times, you brain just goes into survival mode.

I think you're right, Jeanette, at some point you know what?

We're kind of done being polite, giving and giving without expecting in return.

There really are moments where standing up for yourself is one of the best feelings you can have, but I've also come to learn that if you are a part of an equation where someone or something is getting way more out of it than what you do, leave.

Sometimes the greatest loss or what we feel are losses, turn out to be the grandest doorway you can walk through - it's all yours