BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why my friend had her baby...

My good friend, Jamie, has always been a bit wild. Nonetheless, she's been a great friend. Anyhow, a while back she became involved with a man she met through one of these online dating services. Six weeks later, she was expecting his child, She contacted me telling me that she was unsure as to what her plan was. I've known for years that she hadn't exactly enjoyed parenthood, having one son from a previous relationship. She treated him with love, but shared many things with me about how she hated motherhood. That being said, a month later I was surprised when she announced her plan to go through with the pregnancy. I was happy for her, but still surprised. Anyway, as it turned out her boyfriend is truly a kind person. He treats her very well, and takes good care of her. He and I became friends. Well, right before the baby was born her boyfriend called me. He was very excited about the impending birth, and I was excited for him. During our conversation, he drops this on me saying, " You know, your friend is a real sport." Yea? I replied, "How so?" Well, she REALLY didn't want to have this baby, but she's doing it anyway." So there was definitely silence on my end for a second, but I asked him to explain further. He actually went on to describe a deal they had made.My friend would have the baby and he would make it "worth her while." Now, I didn't pry farther, but I imagine this "worth her while" stuff refers to the fact that this man is fairly wealthy and as I said takes great care of my friend. I'm a little weirded out by knowing this, and I've never told her that her now husband shared this information with me; there's no need to. Nowadays, my friend is having mental issues, taking anti-depressants, etc. she truly seems so unhappy. What would you all make of this and how can I help her?

Wow...I'm not entirely sure what to say here. It sounds like your friend really didn't want to go through all of this baby stuff again and only had the baby because this guy really wanted it. I'm sorry to hear that she hasn't been doing that well lately. The only response I could come up with if I were in your situation is to try to be there for her and offer words of encouragement, even if the situation disturbs you. I have a friend who spends a lot of time doing whatever any random guy wants to gain his acceptance so she won't be alone and it worries me, but all I can do is encourage her to do her best. But I've often found that the only way to help someone going through a problem like that is to be there when they need to talk and try to do the things you know will take their mind off of the depression, if only for a little while.

Yes, that's probably true, SamB.!

Oh dear, Misstalia..... thats a pickle. I know firsthand how hard it can be to support a friends decision that you feel in your heart is a bad one for them. Since the decision part is over, and baby is here, I think Sam B is right: All you can do in this situation is to be there for her when she needs you. Just keep being the good friend that you are, through thick and thin. I had a girlfirend like this who kept me up at night worrying: she constantly engaged in unprotected sex with men she didnt know well. No matter how many times I pleaded with her to use protection or even brought her condoms, she was always just "too in the moment" to bother with them. Flash forward to now: she is currently in a very messy emotional divorce because she let the biggest idiot that ever lived impregnate her twice, so of course they got married and of course that didnt work out. She didnt even like him when she slept with him the first time. He inpregnated someone else within a month of the seperation. Yay! as much as this situation kind of really makes my blood boil as it could have been avoided, I have no control over it, so I have to let it go and just be her friend now. Good luck!

OMG! Why would a person do that? But yes, I know you guys are right, and that's what I try to do. Of course, I want to say, "What's wrong with you!?!" Look what you've done! You have plenty of family support, good friends, etc....." I would never though, because her decision has only hurt her, and I wouldn't want to make her feel worse.

Ugh. Sounds like your friends' mental state could be caused by hormonal stuff; some women really change after having kids because hormones have wreaked havoc. Fix the hormones and the moods usually improve, unless the situation is really bad. On the bright side, maybe him meaning he'd make it worth her while, means he'd marry her and take care of her. Maybe he's into the whole family thing big time and this was THE chance to have it. Unless I really loved the guy and wanted kids, I would never marry someone and have their kid just to be taken care of. Yuck.

Yes, that is exactly what "worth her while" meant. As for hormones her son at this point is nearly three.

I hate to sound heartless, but it's her life and if she really got suckered into this whole "worth her while" bit then good for her. If I were in your shoes, I doubt I'd view her in the same light again. It's obvious he pressured her to have the child by saying he'd "make it worth her while".

Now she's experiencing mental health issues because of it, not only is the child suffering now, but so is she. No child should see their parent go through that, and likewise a parent should think of the consequences of having children before deciding to go through with a pregnancy.

There are health concerns that come along with birthing children, and I think your friend should have been more mindful of those. No only for her sake, but the child's sake as well. No one should have to jeopardize their health to keep a potential lover, just because he want's a family.

That's just me, and really everyone is different so if this works for her, despite being obviously unhappy. Then it works for her, I doubt it would've worked for me really, but we're all different.

Seems to be she's got it made. If he is rich and he really wanted the baby he would be more than happy to take care of it and give it everything it needs. He could even hire a nanny to take care of it so she doesn't have to. He is kind and treats her right. What's her problem? I'd be jumping for joy she hit the jackpot.

Here here ! I presume the children are healthy too ?
Some people just don't know when they're well off.

For me your friends attitude just shows that the bottom line is ; everyone either enjoys life, being generally happy, or are depressive by nature, and can't see the joy around them.

It doesn't matter wether you've got kids, are married, live alone or with others, have a job, are rich, poor....you either appreciate what life throws at you, finding the goodness in it, or you don't .