BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Unbelievable things happening to me!

You all won't believe what I have been through lately. I have actually decided to have a baby! It all seems so surreal, since I have went all my life not really wanting children. I don't know how to describe what I'm going through, but I think God has a hand in it. It seems as though a series of events in my life have happened over last year or so, and something finally "clicked". All of the sudden, I feel ready and eager for this. This was hard to get through with my DH at first, since he wanted to be childless like me. But we have worked this through, and he is on board for us to start trying in the spring.

I can't thank you all enough for the love and support I have received during my struggles with being CF. I am actually compelled to write a book about my journey as a child-free person to this point in my life. People who are CF will always have a dear place in my heart, and I hope to be of encouragement to all of you and my own close CF friends even after I become a Mom. I notice that all too many people just ignore the CF like they're non-existent - I see that now as I tell my close friends that I'm planning to be pregnant. I really hate that, and I want to be an influence for good. I will be sort of like solalux - one of the Moms that stay in touch!

I am envisioning a pregnant super-heroine fighting for truth, justice and equality of the CF everywhere!

Best of luck with your new endeavor. But... you won't be posting here about the joys of pregnancy/motherhood, right???

:-D

Ha ha funny ;-)! I will definitely save the pregnancy details, but I would like to share just a little bit about being a mom -- the good, non-graphic stuff! Believe me, I never thought I would see the day I would be willing to become pregnant, but when you do really, really want a child - it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I'm glad to know, however, that my OBGYN wants me to have a c-section instead of natural birth, which is good by me - there are a lot of benefits with going that route.

Anyhow, enough pregnancy talk. Take care!

Another one bites the dust
Just playin' -- children have to be wanted from the start..
hey, cool beans !

Hey Beth! Congratulations on your new chosen path! I for one, am curious about your choice: what made you change your mind? Do you feel its a biological thing? (i.e. ticking clock, etc) or more of a spiritual or mental thing? Have you been a fence sitter for awhile, or always adamently CF? I hope Im not offending: Im not trying to get you to justify to me or anyone else about your decision. The decision is yours and dont you EVER feel as though you need to defend yourself. I literally am just a very curious person by nature. Specifically I have often wondered about CF who later choose to have children and what the primary factor in the decision is. So if you feel like sharing, wonderful! I would love your perspective! If you dont, feel free to say " Go jump in a lake, DinahLove!" and that I will do! Best wishes to you!

Dinahlove,

Absolutely, don't mind sharing this experience at all. I think there were biological, spiritual, and mental reasons all together at once. Needless to say, it's one of the most surreal things that I have ever experienced. I will try to explain without being too lengthy!

I'm almost 32 yrs old. From the time I was very young, I felt that I wouldn't have children because of being scared of childbirth and due to the fact that I was planning to get fulfillment from a career and make lots of money -- a very ambitious kid. But always in the back depth of my mind, I have thought motherhood was a very beautiful thing, something to be highly respected. I just felt that it was very much out of reach for me, since I was going to be a wife and career woman as priority.

So I went on and married my husband at 21 yrs old, who also didn't see children in his future. Finished college, got on track with a great career, which I still take a lot of pride in. We got thru the early 20s OK. All of the sudden as I reach my late 20s, all of my friends are having babies and also leaving their careers. I went through a lot of hurt at first with this, but then it became a "once in a while" hurt. I slowly adjusted to their lifestyle changes as friends. Even though I had experienced periods of unresolved emotions about my decision not to have kids, I still was very much against having any, since I was too busy enjoying my career and therefore still didn't feel adequate enough emotionally for the job of being a parent. Around 28-29 yrs old, I felt very confident there would be no kids.

Then this year came along. I recall early in the year that there was something missing in my life, some sort of emptiness, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. My husband and I visited family in Korea back in May, and we both came home with a sort of sorrow, that his family was so large and close knit, and we didn�t really have that type of environment here at home. Not long after, I thought that maybe improving diet and exercise would be a good change for me, both for my overall health and sexual health. I eventually was running 2 mi every day and cut my diet down to ~ 1500 calories per day, but I wasn�t really losing much weight, and the sexual frustrations mounted. Saw my doctor about it this summer, and she suggested that my birth control was causing all of this (my only prescription med). She recommended that I quit hormones and get an IUD. I was definitely on board and couldn�t wait to do away with birth control pills and get my old body back. I got off of birth control, and, in the physical sense, I feel better than ever. Sexual function is better than ever, and I lost 15 lbs! Had to wait until October for the IUD appointment. Had two insertion failures, and the second one punctured my uterus. I had some indescribable sorrow about this injury, like it ripped me at my soul (even though the injury will heal). I was torn between using the diaphragm I was given or just getting sterilized. I prayed about it every day, asking God to give me direction on what I should do. Shortly after, one of my friends had a baby, after a very complicated pregnancy. Her joy over this newborn had an overwhelming impact on me. I suddenly started thinking back in my life to all the things I have experienced, my relationships with my family, all the lessons I have learned to become a better �me� � and it clicked. This wasn�t like the �come and go� baby fever that I had before. All of the sudden, all that mattered to me was to bring about a new life and teach him/her everything I know, to be a good influence. All of the fears and unresolved feelings I had before with the childbirth, taking care of a baby, being a good nurturer seemed to pale in comparison with this new feeling I was having. I actually had to talk with some girlfriends (with and without kids) to �pinch� me about this! Is this for real? They told me that this is the real deal, that I have realized that I am ready emotionally, physically to have a baby. At this point, I don�t think I would trade all the money, vacations, and fine dining in the world for this baby. I have been there and done that for so long, that I am ready for a family. So I really do believe God was trying to tell me that this is how I should fill my emptiness.

Like I said earlier, I could write a book about this. Just such an emotion to go through! Thanks for asking!

Thank you so much for sharing Beth! Good luck with a healthy comception and birth and of course feel free to keep us all posted (within reason, hahaha!) Best of luck to you!

Best of luck to you Beth M:) I do look forward to reading about how things go for you through pregnancy.