BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ive got the CFC blues.....

I think the reason it has you so angry is because you were trying to put together an adult event and just because one person has two young kids, they must be included. But if you are the only one who still wants it to be an all-adult event after the others have expressed interest in including the toddlers for whatever godforsaken reason, then you are the bad guy. Which, you are not. This event you were all planning is supposed to be an adult event, it was intended that way and it should be that way. There are plenty of responsible people who can watch toddlers so that a group of adults might actually enjoy sometime together without a couple of ankle-biters tagging along.

I'd just remind them that the gathering at the restaurant was intended to be an all-adult event and they knew that since they had helped to plan it. You're not the one excluding her if she chooses to stay home with her kids rather than enjoy and evening with her friends. She's excluding herself, alienating herself because she can't seem to function if her kids aren't with her at all times.

It's very difficult to get babysitters on New Year's Eve. As a single parent with two children I have stayed at home on most holiday occasions, wanting the kids with me or not wouldn't come into it, they either come along or I stay at home.

Who wants to stay in and look after other people's children on New Year's Eve? No-one I know of.

I think it can be hard for people who simply don't have the responsibility of looking after children to realize that once you have them, your choices are limited. High days and holidays can be severely limiting.

On the contrary, I think those of us who have chosen not to have kids do realize how limiting our free time would have been down the road, hence one of the reasons why we didn't have children in the first place. Children are a lifelong commitment, plain and simple. We realize that, and have made our choices accordingly when considering all facets of our lives.

It seems sadly that adults who have children can't be adults anymore, enjoying time alone with friends because they can't get babysitters. You are right, it is very limiting when trying to plan adult activities around holidays, or any other day for that matter.

It may be what parents want and signed up for, but it is not a lifestyle I would want for myself.

It is true that it'd be hard to find a babysitter on a holiday. I'm sure that if she really wanted to go though, she could work something out. Besides, a one-year-old and a two-year-old aren't going to remember anything from that part of their lives anyway.

It's also not very nice to assume that people with out children just must have this abundant amount of free time, and that's why they want to go do things with friends. Rather, people without children also have jobs, family members to take care of, a household to run, bills to pay, groceries to buy, in some cases pets to take care of and even volunteer work to attend to. Maybe when we do actually have free time, we'd enjoy spending that time with our adult friends at a nice restaurant, as apposed to being chained to a child and stuck at Chuck-E-Cheese or McDonald's. Having kids is a choice that a lot of people make and that's fine for them, but not for me.

I wasn't suggesting that any of you want kids, or that you were irresponsible in any areas of your lives.

Simply that if you do have kids, going out can be difficult and especially during significant dates in the year. I'm confused that you would feel I was not being very nice because I said it was hard to get a babysitter on New Year's Eve. There was certainly no offence intended.

I specifically said 'who don't have the responsibility of looking after children' and neither said, nor implied, that childless people are irresponsible in any way. If everyone had kids when they didn't want them the world would be an unhappy place, and it wouldn't do anyone any favours, least of all the unwanted kids. Each to his own

@Eileen Brit TV

Oh no, it wasn't directed at you, actually, I'm currently having that issue with people in my life and am told constantly how people are so busy with kids and whatnot, so I was more just speaking generally. Your comment just sparked up my distaste for some people in my life who are acting that way toward me. I apologize because I am frustrated when I hear from relatives with kids a lot about how busy they are. Then there's my fiancee's sister who's obsessed with her niece or nephew and has to make a huge production of it every time I see her. Talking about every detail, down to what outfit she bought for it this week and the kid isn't even hers. I can't really talk in conversations like that and I find it very rude of her, considering it is her that invites me to gatherings in the first place. She already knows that I don't want kids and I have no relation to this child (don't even know it's gender obviously)

But anyway, I am sorry. It was your comment that sparked the reaction...but it wasn't meant to be argumentative or accuse you of something.

Hey, it's cool, Sam. I believe everyone should live their lives as they want to, as long as there is respect all round. The world is choc a bloc already, right? People should be congratulated for having less, or no children, just as much as they should be supported if they do want kids. The main thing is that once they're here, it's only fair that they should be loved and looked after.

I'm not sure that a diner on New Year's Eve is the best place for toddlers either, to be fair. Well, let's face it, it spells out nightmare all round!

Frankly, I reckon that the mother talked about in the first post just doesn't want to go, period. I'm sure I would not have taken my kids out late at night anywhere near spare ribs when they were that young. Bed's the right place for them at that age, right? Sadly though, it does mean you have to stay at home when everyone else is out celebrating, unless you have somewhere else to drop them off (and I don't mean off a cliff!) Sorry, couldn't resist that.

I suppose what I was trying to say, possibly clumsily, is that having kids can be a bind, as well as a warm and cuddly experience, and once they're here, they do tend to take over, but hey, what can you do? You can't send them back!

Exactly, I think that way too:)

Eileen,

It's a raw nerve... we're so busy defending our reasoning that the slightest impression we're being attacked we'll lash back.

Much more intense for women because society 'expects' them to automatically be maternal.

Connie raised hers and our motto is, "We ain't got no babies".

Except for the kittys of course.

But your point of course was not meant to be inflammatory.

You were just making the point of limited choices, but I think most of us here are aware of that... that's why we chose not too.

No worries.

-- Burt B.