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I am so terrified I have made the biggest mistake of my life... and my childrens. I left my husband almost a year ago. The last I saw him, he had me huddled on the floor threatening to f--k me up with a knife, threatening to kill me if I took his kids from him. I took his kids and went into hiding. I was so terrified, I couldn't even move back to the state where my family is from. Instead, I moved to a state where he would never think to look for me. The holidays are comming up, I felt stronger and wanted my family. I just wanted to be home for the holidays so I packed my two sons (one and two years old) and moved back to my mom's house, a place my husband can find out how to get to with the right help... I lulled myself into thinking I was stronger, that I could face him if he comes. I believed things had calmed down and I allowed myself to be fooled even though I knew better. My husband will never be okay. He will never get over me taking his boys. He will always burn with a desire to kill me, and I'm afraid my boys will be burned because of that. I talked to his sister the other night and my husband's family is finally taking his mental stability serious now, after he threatened to kill his mom. Now they believe him capable of murder, despite his threats to my life for years now. Now they understand. He wants to kill his mom because she did not warn him to stay away from me years ago when we first got together. She didn't tell him that I was no good so she deserves to die according to him. It's all her fault... Now his family thinks he is crazy. I am terrified. He is going to come, especially with Christmas comming. He is going to kill me, I just know it. I pray to God and any higher power that may be that he leaves my boys and family alone... I'm afraid he won't. I read the story about the father that killed his 4 children and shot the mother 3 times. She is going to wake up to find she has lost her 2, 3, 4, and 5 year old. Shot to death by their father... God it tears me up inside to think about it. Neighbors were shocked, they didn't see it comming. I can see it comming for me. My husband is capable of it, I know it. Every day the terror keeps building and it is beginning to paralyze me, especially at night. I should leave my mom's but now I have no where to go. A shelter... good for 30 days and who knows if I will have found a job by then. I keep ripping my children from places just as they begin to get comfortable, I don't want to take them away again just as they are settling down but this fear is killing me. I also fear not being here if he does come. My husband is into movies with killing, torture, violence. I'm afraid of what he would do to my family to get them to reveal where I'm at. Then again, if he comes, he is going to kill us all anyways. My mom owns her house and will not move so I'm stuck... Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it out. Also I just wanted to apologize. It has been a long time since I posted and I never got a chance to respond to some of the responses to my posts but I lost the internet and wasn't able to get to a computer due to job and kids keeping me busy. Thank you to everyone who responded way back then with such kind words and support. I don't know how often I will be able to get on now but I hope it will be more frequently.

Hi Nikkirae,

I don't know how to say what I'm about to without just jumping into this, normally I take a very different approach, but it's kind of like that game, "The Game of Life."

Since children are involved and now a mother and all of you are kind of in a parana's tank with just the type of bait that particular fish feeds on, you need to do something about the decision you've made getting closer to this particular pond.

One of the first things people do during the holidays is reminisce. I do understand wanting family around too. Holidays and abuse, it's like putting yourself in that parana tank with a fish that hasn't eaten for a week or two, everything is heightened.

First you need to get down to the police station and explain what's going on, where you lived and where you're at now, the history and your concerns and get a card of someone you should call if this guy shows up. You may or may not be able to get an order of protection. Depends if you filed in the past, called the police in that area when you lived there, etc.

Next you need to get a hold of an abuse support group. They will have the latest connections and protocal.

Finally, you probably guess it, but you'll need to tell your mother's neighbors what's going on or at least some of them so if you and the family that's living with you become in danger and can not make a 911 call yourself, they can. Have a signal or something like a candle in a side window.

I would also stay away from your abusers family. You're just going to egg this guy on in some backwards way. Whatever your reasons were phoning them in the first place, regardless, word you must know, will get back that you're in town. When that happens, it's now something in the back of his mind for whenever the time is right for him to act on it if that's what he's set his mind to do.

You may not be able to do anything to prevent this guy from showing up but you can take responsibilty for involving your mom and now the kids being closer to this guy. The sooner the better.

Final tip...have not one but a few cell phones placed around the house with 911 on SPEED DIAL! Make certain they're charged at all times! Get some pepper spray or whatever legal items you're allowed in your area and have an escape plan for your kids!!! Toss them out a window and calmly make a game out of it so they know what neighbor's house to go to, etc. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, this routine, like a fire drill and try to make it lite for the children, so they aren't terrified for the rest of their lives as you're feeling.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of time and I truly do hope the best for you and your family. Don't wait till it's too late.